do not desire my husband but strongly desire other men

[konfuzed17]

I have been in a relationship for 16 years, we were 17 when we started out.  We have 3 children.  We have been through alot.  He has had affairs (one with my best friend at the time) and I have cheated as well.  I always take him back because he has no where to go so I sometimes feel that I am forced into being with him because I feel bad and don't want to see the father of my children living in a shelter or something.  I do love him...he is my best friend however I do not desire him at all.  Its not that the sex is bad with him...its not, I don't know what the reason is.  I sometimes wonder if there is just too much damage between us.  Other times I feel that maybe sexual desire doesn't make a relationship and we have a more mature kind of love...yet I am soo physically attracted to other men.  So I had been soo drawn to a guy that frequently came into my work...for over a year I had a thing for him until one day I couldn't control it anymore and told him I was very attracted to him.  He said he felt the same.  We got together a few times, and I had seen him out while I was with my boyfriend. (we are not actually married but live together and have since we were 18) Now its been a couple weeks since I've talked to the other guy and I'm not sure what is going on with him.  I don't know if its because he is young (9 years younger than me) or because of my b/f or if he just isn't into me.  I am trying to get over this boy but I think about him all the time.  And now my b/f is trying to be all over me all the time.  I want to want him.  I don't want to hurt him.  We can be good for awhile but I always end up feeling like there is something missing.  I don't know what to do. I don't want to break up my family because I am selfish, but I don't want to go the rest of my life just being content.  I want to be happy too.  I'm soo confused.

[ConnieG]

Well I think that you guys have seriously damaged your relationship with cheating on each other.  And you fantasizing about other men isn't going to help the situation.  Everyone has baggage and every relationship has struggles.  As fairytale as other guys may seem, if you were to leave your bf for them you will end up have the same, if not worse struggles you are having now.  Until you fix yourself you can't have a healthy relationship.
I think if you worked on rededicating yourselves to the relationship you can get back what you had tenfold.  You could go to a marriage counseling retreat where you go away on 'vacation' for a weekend with other couples and learn new tools to bring back romance.  It worked wonders for my hubby and me (and you don't have to be married, you're living like you are married so it would work the same for you)
GOOD LUCK

[imanaddict]

You can't stay with someone out of pity. That will get you absolutely nowhere. If you aren't happy with him, you guys should go your separate ways so you both have a chance at happiness.

[mami1323]

Well I don't blame you for the feelings you are having.  With multiple affairs between the two of you, this relationship lacks real substance.  Lacks compassion and mutual respect.  How could you two really desire each other when you both distract yourselves with other people?  Maybe you both started out too young and didn't really grow in the same directions.  You can't stay with your bf just because of your kids, because in the end, you both will continue on with neither of you being truly content.  Do you think counseling could help you two maybe reconnect?  It seems you love him, you just aren't physically desiring him.  Which could happen if you both rekindled that spark.  Instead you are turning to other men to get that rush of excitment that comes in the beginning of any new relationship.  That grows old in time, as you can see in your current relationship.  You need to do some real soul searching because you stay with your bf for the kids but you aren't teaching your kids anything by having all these numerous affairs.