does it make me heartless???

[erikamtz]

I've been with my babies father for almost 3 years we have a daughter together who is going to be a year, however... He does have a six year old son which I would love to be apart of his life bt my bds other baby mom won't let her son even be apart of my daughters life, she has another child from another man a married man to be exact and has been trying to pin the child on my babies dad bt she took a DNA test and the younger child is NOT my bds. Bt my baby father suggests he plays father to him anyway and I told him its not his business to play father to a child that's nt his if he is not with the woman, she's not his wife, his girl, nothing just his other babymom and he says I'm heartless. And refuses to listen to me, am I really being harsh? And we recently seperated And I told him I will nt get back with him if he continues to play father to the child that's nt his its too much baggage for me and that he should be with her if he wants to continue what he's doing. I have nothing against the baby boy. I just think she needs to settle things with the real father and stop trying to pin the child on my bd. She also tries to make my bd feel bad and says every time you pick up your son his brother asks why doesn't his "daddy" take him too she made the baby believe that he is the father when he is not.

[erikamtz]

Thank you, I have a lot alot of thinking to do. Bt again thank you for your opinions

[specialmom]

I also agree that this man shows such strength and character.  I wish more men were like this, to be honest.  Being a dad is a lot more than DNA.  If he is a dad in his heart to this boy, he did the right thing by standing by the child.  Again, I wish more men were like this.  I really do.  good luck to you though.  

[RockRose]

Well this is all too tangly and painful to unravel,  and I wish you the best.

I still think it's an admirable thing that your boyfriend wants to make this little boy feel good about himself,  and that's something of great value in a man.

[erikamtz]

Noo, the other child's father did want to be apart of his life bt she didn't let him. And she barely started letting my bd be apart of his real sons life after battling custody issues since he was born because he didn't want to marry her like her and her family wanted .when I was pregnant she also made it seem like he was going to be a dead beat to my child, bt he was far from that. She resents my child so my bd told me. Bt I also asked my bd if I had another child by another man that wasn't there for my kid would he accept it and he said no, we even thought i was pregnant by him again and he wanted me to get an abortion. I didn't have a good support system from his family at first his mother tried to convince him my daughter wasn't his when I was pregnant just because we found out early bt the other bm gets all the support system from them and still has the audacity to make my bd look like a dead beat and tell him he wasn't man enough to be in his sons life. Its just alot of drama with her and too much for me. I would rather be about our child then deal with all the extra stuff he comes with. when we got together he was just about his son. If from the get go he was about both kids I think it wouldn't be so hard for me to accept.

[Chima7]

It's a common issue among blended families unfortunately. And the ones who end up suffering the most in these situations are the kids, which is totally unfair to them cause they don't have a voice. The parents are going to do whatever they decide to do.

So, I think that if you guys can't agree on how to financially manage your blended family then perhaps he's not the guy for you. Whether or not it's his bio kid, he still feels responsible for him. I think that's kind of an admirable quality in him that he wants to help out a kid that isn't even his, that sounds pretty generous to me. Is the kid's bio dad a total deadbeat loser? Then your bf is a hero for stepping up and being a positive role model in the boy's life. At least that's how I perceive the situation. I could be wrong but I don't think so.

[RockRose]

erik,  it sounds like you're in a hard situation where your partner doesn't make enough money to provide for his obligations.

If there's not enough money to take a preschooler out to eat and for a haircut, and still afford diapers for your baby,  there's not enough money coming in to your household.  

Seeing how his father is treating his step brother will make the son's life better.  Teaching and showing compassion to kids who aren't DNA related to him will make the other child feel more secure in the love and that love is the right thing to do.

I don't know what to tell you about your money situation but I don't think the solution is to leave the one child at home crying when your partner takes his son for visits.  My guess is,  the presence of the younger boy makes the outings more fun for the older boy also.

Hope you can work it out -

[erikamtz]

Well, I guess its on me then cause I'm nt gonna be with someone who spends money on a child that isn't his when he barely makes enough to support his own two, which let me mention what set the argument off was the fact that my daughter needed diapers, wipes and formula and he didn't provide it bt took his sons sibling out to eat, to get a haircut, and to an amusement park. I have money saved up for a car, no job at the moment And he told me I had the money so use it so I pulled out of my savings to get my daughter what she needed which I believe his blood children need to be priorities and then the next child nt the child that's nt his coming first And then his daughter

[RockRose]

Well,  I think you''re being heartless.  :(

I think you have a real keeper there in your partner,  and he has a big enough heart to not leave a little child crying and lonely just because they don't share DNA.

You broke up with this man,  the father of your child,  because he was extending kindness to a little boy that wasn't biologically his?  Do you really want to do that?

[TTinKKerBBell]

I don't think this is Yours to decide - best You stay separated.