friend in the navy

[katkat1010]

Hi,
so ill try to make this short.. but basically this guy ive liked and somewhat had a "thing" with since last november just left today for the navy. we got along pretty well and i really liked him. we both had trust issues and neither of us could trust the other one in a relationship while he was gone and im in college. we ended up getting into a fight a couple of weeks ago that resulted in us no longer talking up until this past week which was when he told me he was leaving. i was out with friends when i got the message hed be leaving today and i broke down completely. mostly becuase i never got to see him again before he left.
ive been in a daze all day and i feel like im never going to see him again. he said that he would write me but im worried i wont hear from him again. i have never had any experience of dealing with someone on the military, and to be honest i never thought i would have to.
now im a mess and hes all i can think about, mostly because i know he doesnt even know how much i care about him. and he left without even saying goodbye, the last thing he said to me was asking for my address so he can write..
is there anyone on here that can give me any advice? im really not sure how to handle this.

..thanks

[seattlemom2plus]

You never are bothering us that is for sure.  And thanks for coming back and updating us on this.

Actions speak louder than words.  And this is what I think of when I read what you wrote.  Going on with your life and meeting someone you have taken an interest in is great.  I am so glad that you went ahead and went out on a limb and tried it--- obviously the connection with this new guy is working.

I do find it interesting you said that you go for "unavailable" men.  Could this be a pattern with your own relationships that you need to look into to prevent future heartaches?

Sometimes we go for things that are unavailable or are more "attracted" to things we can't have because we want the relationship to fail or we want that distance because we actually either fear commitment... or are scared of it.  Something to ponder :D  Keep us posted.

[katkat1010]

hey everyone, so just thought id annoy you all with another update. haha sorry!
anyways, since the last time ive been on here, im currently in a relationship with the guy i met. it going well, hes amazing and treats me like a princess, we talk all day and skype everynight (since he lives far away). he only has nice things to say about me and its incredibly easy for me to talk to him, just feels so normal. up until today, ive mostly let go of the marines guy. i mis him terribly but i told myself i just had to let go, considering he has never expressed any feelings back, and he also writing to other girls.
today i got a letter, where he explained how much he misses me and cant wait to see me. and asked me about my favorite foods, movies, place, memory, anything i could change. he actually took interest in MY life. which hes never done before. i know hes missing home, but hes never talked to me like this before. he asked me to send a picture, and spray the letter with my perfume. im finding myself giving in and falling for him again. i always imagine what it would have been like if we could have found a way to make it work.
ive also concluded today that i always go for unavailable men! either where they live or what theyre job entails something dangerous..

anyways.. my boyfriend now knows about the marines guy, and i told him that since ive met him i think about marines guy less.. (up until today obviously..) i know i shouldnt be in a relationship if im uncertain about my feelings towards someone else. but i dont want to let go of him now because he is so incredible and i dont want to lose that. but then again, i desperately want to see marines guy when he comes home, i know i have to see him.

.. any new advice? im just spinning this web of drama more and more..

[seattlemom2plus]

you go girl!  you said it yourself, you had the answer in front of you the whole time, thanks for keeping us updated.  Go out and have fun :D

[gaby27]

good luck to you!!

[katkat1010]

thanks again, i think ill just let whatever happens happen. but we didnt leave on the best of terms and he never once said that he wanted to be with me when he got back. so if i do have a boyfriend or whatever when he comes home, then he only has himself to blame.
thanks everyone for helping me figure out what was right in front of me this whole time.

thank you!!!

[specialmom]

Listen, you CAN date casually.  You've got no committment to the guy in the marines and honestly, just making yourself single indefinately until he decides he might like to date you (or even can do to logistics) is just selling your life short.  

I don't know if it is a great idea to see the other guy either-----------  as your heart isn't in it.  But I fear that your mind is going wild creating scenarios that aren't based in any reality.  

I'd focus on school, work, friends.  Let the other stuff fall into place.  

You are not the only person that the marine is keeping on a string.  Remember that.  That probably hurts but it is better to understand that than create a day dream in your head of wedding bells.  If it will be, it will be.  But you are trying to make it into more than it should be at this point.  

good luck