Sooooo basically I've been with this one guy on and off for about 4yrs and we broke up about a month ago. It seemed really over this time and everyone was so happy. We didn't have a so called "good" relationship. He wasn't very supportive or attentive at times. He had other priorities and never really made an effort. I ended up dating a new guy who is practically perfect. Almost outta college, family oriented, drug free and everything I ever wanted. But as much as I like him, I just can't forget or let go of my ex. Him and I got back in contact just yesterday and talked about everything. I cried because I miss him so much and I wanna believe he means what he says but there's still that piece of me worries. On top of that, it would mean breaking things off with this new guy. I'm so scared to because he is the last person to ever deserve what I'm about to put him through. I've been up since 4am just tossing and turning and pondering and worrying and just I don't even know. I haven't been as good as I've seemed with my anxiety and I feel like its just creeping up more with all this. Idk what to do. Its like the whole " my heart says yes but my head says no" my mom was really mad when i told her i was considering my ex again. But I love my ex to the max and this new guy this completely ideal but what's gonna make me happy. Am I supposed to just suppress my feelings to avoid hurting someone else's or not get back with my ex just so my mom won't be mad at me. I'm just sooooo torn. I'd really appreciate some support because I'm not getting it here. No negativity please. Thank you in advance.
Hi there. Well, I'll warn you---- you will not like what I'm about to say. Your best bet is to not be with either of them right now. The new guy is your transition guy. Good on paper and sure, you may down the road realize he might have been a good catch. But right now you can't focus on him fully because you are still wrapped up in the past. Not fair to him at all and it rarely works out with someone when they are our transitional person.
The second guy sounds like he isn't good for you. You need time and distance.
As women, we need good spans of time that we date NO one in our life. It takes time to heal from one relationship to the other. We need to reflect what was good and bad and internalize that so we can move on and be smarter next time. When there is little down time between guys, we make bad choices.
So, I'd be a girl that doesn't have to have a man, take some time to clear your head and be on your own, and find a new partner down the road. good luck
PS: don't worry about breaking up with the new guy because he doesn't deserve that---- what he deserves is a girlfriend that is into only him. You know? He deserves someone that isn't thinking about her ex and waffling on her feelings for him. People on paper may look perfect but if it doesn't feel perfect and you are wanting to be with someone else---- let him go so he can find a better match for himself. good luck
You feel the way you do about your ex because he was always a challenge, always the cat and mouse game. The "feelings" you have aren't what you think they are. My ex was the exact same way, and oh how I pined over him! After some time went by, I recognized that I didn't miss HIM as much as I missed the games and the chase, because as dysfunctional as it is, it can be exciting and rewarding in a weird way. That's totally what I see in your situation with the ex.
Can't add much to SpecialMom and NurseGirl - they both nailed it as far as I'm concerned.
I will remind You that 4 Y E A R S with first guy have been "off and on". That's a real clue - "off and on". 4 Y E A R S is enough time for one to know absolutely if this is who We want to spend the rest of Our life with. "Off and on" speaks more to Obsession or Habit than it does to Love.
So - I would suggest He's not it, and I agree it's too soon to become involved with another before You do Your "homework"
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