how do i tell him get him

[unhappy305]

Hi, im new on here.... Im 26 yrs old. Ive been marry 6 and half yrs and we have 2 kids ages.4 & 2 i just found out im pregnant again... Today me and my husband fought and it.real nasty... He has a temper and it got physical... I love in love with him... But the life.line in this marriage about to go cold blue... I want him to get help but dont know how to tell him.... Please help

[Nighthawk61]

I'm so sorry about your not having a supportive family, but I didn't either and I still had to make the choice to remove myself from a bad situation before I could get into a good one honey. Not having parents that cared is exactly why you have to show something different to your own children. Don't let them be sitting where you are today, talking about not having a mom that cared. You can get support to help you deal with what you have to deal with. You don't have to be alone.

[AnnieBrooke]

He is not going to change.  He  is not.  going.  to.  change.  Sorry, but you have to decide what this means.  You cannot stay and keep children in the presence of a relationship full of pain and damage.

[unhappy305]

I dont have a supportive family.... My mother choses to a woman before mother and my father lives in his own world... ive always been the type to walk alone in the world.... With my 1st child my mom wasnt there for me and i had juste met my father and with my 2nd i was alone in the hospital because my husband had to take care of the oldest.... I told him he is suppose to protect me... its.so hard...

[Nighthawk61]

My first husband was abusive to every women he was with before me, and after me, until the day he died. He just couldn't get it I suppose. Thankfully I left and found a real man, and that is your option too. I don't think i'd be as worried about him knowing about the pregnancy, as protecting your in utero infant and getting the heck out of dodge. He doesn't really deserve any heads up does he? Let the government send him a bill, and please protect your kids from having to put up with his abuse by charging him for domestic violence on the way out the door. Maybe jail will give him the incentive to get help. It was very difficult to come to the realization that my first husband didn't , in fact love me. It was hard not to take it personally, I know. But the fact is, that a man that abuses a woman does not love them. Maybe it's because they don't love themselves, but feeling sorry for a man who doesn't have any pride is not a good enough reason to waste the best years of your life, is it? And playing these games with a man is unacceptable when you have little feet to worry about Mom. I've said it on your other post, your kids will grow to hate you if you don't leave. Trust me, I know. My mom didn't leave, and she lost respect from all of her four messed up drug addicted, abused, children.  If you need to talk, I've been where you are, and left because I wanted to be a real mom. Maybe I could help you to see the light. Happy with Hubby in Canada. Liz

[specialmom]

Hi there and welcome.  Well, this sounds very sad.  Physical fights are a deal breaker for me.  Has he been physical before?  If someone goes to the point of being violent----  it's just not a safe environment for you or kids.  You are the mom of two little ones.  Honey, don't be upset when I say this but i wish you'd thought about the problems and his temper before you became pregnant.  Three kids later, and now it is a real problem.  

Do you have a supportive family??  I would consider reaching out to them at this point.  I would also think about starting therapy.  I'd start alone.  I'm not sure if the marriage can be saved because again, violence is unacceptable.  And he'd need to own it and work desperately hard to control his anger and that physically aggressive part of himself.  That woudl require therapy on his part too.

good luck dear