is it me or her

[lostinlove729]

my wife and I have been together for 18 years married for 13 and have 2 beautful children 8 and 4 we are 38yr old
our sex life is nothing anymore. in fact she really seems impulsed by me i cant even touch her, the only affection between us is a quick peck when one leaves. we may have sex once or twice a month but its not making love' its like boring as heck Ive tried to spice things up various ways but she says its because I take to long,I spent years trying to last longer so I could "satisfy" her many times during sex.now she says she doesnt want it like that.. I guess one thing is me ,I feel insecure that she is cheating ,there are alot of telltale signs and she is friends with a woman that was fired from one job for sleeping with the manager in the storeroom and resigned from the place of my wifes employment for aquisations of the same thing. also I think my wife has really changed since she started the job 3 years ago. She is always eager to go to work and will work over if asked..She told a friend that all she cares about is her job and going to work. I feel the kids suffer to as she no longer has patience for them like she used to... i've tried talking to her but she just blows me off. I've even asked her about not loving me anymore she will just say"I never said that" and thats it she doesnt explain anything or even defend the aqusations.. Ive suggested therapy but she denies that we need it....... I am going nuts here feeling so lonley    

[heatherlynn22]

good for you!! stand up to her! if it's bothering you this much she should agree to the counseling. i know if my dh thought i was cheating on him and if going to counseling would prove to him that i wasn't then i'd be scheduling the appointments myself! having a friend tail her might be a good idea. just make sure it's a friend she doesn't know. lol.

[lostinlove729]

Well since there is no talking to her I bit the bullet and let her read this forum to check out her response, her very first comment was defending her friend and she was sick of me telling that lie, but Im pretty sure its true about her friend.......she did say she wasnt having an affair , earlier this evening the friend called for her to go out somewhere tommorow night , conviently Im going out of town for the evening on a fishing trip with my uncle, Im thinking of having a friend tail them for a while to see whats up....The funny thing is I have given up friends because she didnt care for me to hang out with them because of things they chose to do,, if I was accused of cheating I would defend myself a little better than just saying "IM not having an affair" I have thought about it before just to find some affection but just the thought it makes me hurt!!!!!!!! Im going to insist we get counseling or thats it

[amberd5191]

It sounds to me like it is her. I think you need to sit down and tell her how you are feeling, maybe she will open up and tell you what is going on. I wish you luck.

[heatherlynn22]

it does sound as though she may be having an affair. if she started to really enjoy work 3 years ago...when she started her job perhaps it's an inter office affair? IF that's what's going on. are there problems with the marriage? and unlike what treazzure said....don't view yourself as head of the household. she's working, bringing in money,  helping raise the children it's all equal. a marriage is not about who's higher then who, it's about a loving husband and wife. equality. i'm sure if you bring up "i'm the head of the household" you'll push her even further away. the counseling is definately something to push though. tell her it's more for you and that you feel it would benefit. if she continues to say no, and she continues to be this way you have 2 options...remain with her and unhappy or divorce her. or you could always hire a pi and have her followed. but if she finds out she'll be p!ssed. unless you have proof that she's having the affair then you can be p!ssed. either way.....good luck!

[treazzure007]

you do have the signs of  her disconnecting from her spouse and household as mami said.  also, the friend she has is a telltale sign.  people we choose as friends represent us, and extension/reflection of us so to speak.  noticing that she keeps the company of a woman with distasteful ways is nothing to go ignored

demand the counseling.  you are the head of the household.  maybe she'll confess some things that have been going on or bothering her

[mami1323]

The behavior sounds all too familiar to me.  When my fiance was having his affair, I noticed he would get really excited to go to work and he was really slacking on our relationship.  He wanted to stay out more, he wasn't very affectionate and I always felt like I annoyed him.  When I suggested counseling he was quick to tell me we didn't need it.  But after I found out about the affair things changed, he wanted counseling and now he's the man I had fell in love with.  When someone is cheating they disconnect with their mate.  I guess to justify the cheating or the are emotionally connected to someone else and lose interest in their spouse or current partner.  I think the guilt also has a lot to do with it.  I've never heard of anyone complaining that their partner takes too long, if anything that's a plus.  Do you have access to her phone records?  Have you surprised her at work?  If she's not having an affair she still has pulled herself away from you and the family.  I highly doubt it's because she loves her job so much.  I would become an investigator at this point.  Good luck, I know that feeling of loneliness and abandonment, it's not a happy place to be.