is this true love or???

[misscutie1]

hi I'm 30 years old when I was 6 years old from kindergarten to 4th grade I had a best friend he was my first kiss his famiy moved way I didn't tell me I had childhood depression over him i missed him he always had my heart for years i was serching for him contacted oprah montel still nothing when i was 18 i married a guy but it didnt last everytime we would do something I would always wish that it was with my first true love 2008 I found him  we been
off n on even got married in may 2013 ppl say he bipolar because hiw he acts his family hates me i dint like them either now i have good reasons to but we fight alot and i just want to get along we already almost filed for divorce when he moved out i beged him back i couldnt go another day without him I can't lose him again we are doing better but he told me he not in it like he used to be he said he could care less if we stay married or divorce he loves me but is not in love with me anymore then the next day he's different he says he does love me and is in love with me help I'm confused

[PrincessChandaLeigh]

Anytime:). Oh yes self respect is a must darling:). For if you dont respect yourself who will.
Best of luck.
Princess.

[misscutie1]

thank you I appreciate all the comments il try to learn self respect as well

[PrincessChandaLeigh]

Well the fact that you don't have anyone really is playing a big part in you staying. You feel like you have to hold on too the only person you have. That's completely understandable. But if he isn't good for you your better off without him. You'll just have to get out there and make new friends and maybe reconnect with out ones. You need to do that regardless of what's decided. Now since he isn't wanting to go to the therapist showed there's a problem. First step is admitting it. I really recommend you sign up for Rori Rays newsletters. She'll help you learn how to talk to him. So you can get one a deeper level with him. So you can talk to him like adults with no yelling and no one getting upset. So y'all can solve any problem that comes yalls way.  Like I said men have to be talked to in a certain way. Men really are different kinds of creatures then us. Theirs minds operate differently then ours.

[misscutie1]

I have did pros and cons there's more bad than good that the back of my mind I feel that it's mainly cuz bipolar I feel it if he gets checked with will be amazing together

[misscutie1]

Thanks when I asked him about getting help for bipolar he refuses he says he has no mental issue blames everything on me deep down I feel that if he does get help and we can be good together

[misscutie1]

maybe but I have not checked into it and I do have a lot of anxiety and a lot of bad childhood and I have pretty much no friends or family

[PrincessChandaLeigh]

I feel a relation to your story. There's this guy I've worked with for 2 1/2 years now. When I started there I had a boyfriend I lived with he was mentally abusive and just plain crazy. After a year of working there I fell so hard for the guy and left my boyfriend. We dated for to weeks. We got carried away one evening and had sex after that he broke it off. I was devastated. I got another boyfriend after 6 months of grieving. I still kinda liked the guy I worked with. So my new boyfriend broke it off after that 3 months. I was so devastated after the last two breaks I did everything I told you to do including building a wall to my love. After 4 months I started dating my current boyfriend. I still liked the guy I worked with. After 4 months of dating I told my boyfriend that I liked someone else and I needed to figure it out once and for all. He agreed to  give me time. It took me all of one day with writing down the pros and cons and really thinking about it that I was trying to make a huge mistake. My current boyfriend was too kind too sweet too loving too caring too honest too absolutely amazing to leave for a jerk that was sooo bad for me. I believe it's human nature to want what's bad for us. To push away what's good for the bad to come. Its hard to except love that is good for us sometimes. I guess because it's something we're so use too we're afraid we won't know how to deal without it. And it hard sometimes to adjust to true love. I still have my wall up and I wish I didn't but its starting to crumble more and more because it's I'm adjusting or I'd like to call it accepting the love that I deserve.
Prayers and lots of love.
Princess.

[specialmom]

Have you ever looked into obsessive compulsive disorder?  One can have obsessive and intrusive thought and I'm wondering if your attachment to him all these years isn't rooted in some type of anxiety issues. ??

[misscutie1]

thank you I just don't know how to let go if he does leave again if I don't think about him miss him I dream about him :(

[PrincessChandaLeigh]

It doesn't sound like true love sweetie. Love isn't waking up everyday and being stressed out over your relationship. Men need to be talked to in a certain way. You could try subscribing to Rori Ray, her newsletters are awesome. She's helped me out a lot. You should also go see a therapist with your husband and without him. I also think you should sit down and write down pros and cons of this relationship and be honest and really think is this relationship worth saving? Write down exactly want you want in a man. Sit and think why have you loved him so much for so love. Explore who you are. You need to know yourself before entering any relationship. Meditate do yoga to relax and get to your inter thoughts wants and needs. Love is not feeling like you can't go on without him it's your spirit wanting him craving him to be close but knowing who you are and that you could pick up and left anytime but everything is amazing right where you are.

[specialmom]

Hi there.  Well, I'm going to be honest.  No, I don't think this is true love.  I have a fourth grader now.  He's not capable of recognizing who would be a good life partner.  You weren't either.  You built up a fantasy of him and now it is not at all like the reality.  

It sounds like the relationship has issues and it worries me that you are not looking at the whole thing through clear eyes.  You want it to work so badly that you may be ignoring clear signals that this isn't a relationship made in heaven.  

He is clearly telling you that he is not in love with you any more.  That hurts but I would believe him.  Even if he then turns around and says he does.  Your desperation to be with him is concerning.  You couldn't go another day without him?  NO woman should ever feel that way about a man.  That's not love dear.  

Love is an emotion like any other.  It does not conquer all, I promise.  

I don't know if this will turn around or not.  But I'd seek the help of a therapist to help explore why you felt he was your true love as a child and how the expectations you placed on this relationship before it even started again when you reconnected may be interfering with your actually having a genuinely healthy relationship.  

Good luck!