Put it on the table

[Shes_the_1]

I am mentally exhausted, i stated my case to my wife as many as 5yrs ago that times were changing and she should think of getting a career. In 20yrs she has never had to work. I have worked 2/3 jobs at a time even. I feel like im in a relationship that feeds her personal activities. Could this be why 5yrs later im still waking up to the same sh.. different day? I think she doesnt want to change her course of free playtime. Should i get out?

[Barbarella]

Your profile says that you have 3 kids age 18, 16 and 22 month old.  You say you wanted her to work for the last 5 yrs.  Five yrs ago your oldest was 13, the middle one 11 yrs old, doesn't a "stay at home mom" count as a job??  Now the oldest kids are almost in college or whatever, but she has the 22month old at home to take care of.  Is she a good mother or does she drop the kids when younger and now the baby off to a babysitter while she is out there spending your money you work so hard for with your 2-3 jobs??  If that is the case I can understand how you feel.  

[laura1977]

I read your profile just now, and you know what is funny about the whole thing.  Before I even got to the bottom I started thinking, this guy is going through a mid life crisis.  Then low and behold you mentioned it at the bottom that someone had stated that.  
I personally believe that it sounds like you and your wife are in a rut.  It is a comfortable rut and some people can handle it, some can't.  I don't like being in a rut with my husband because everything just seems to go on and on and on and on without change.  It is almost boring in some ways.  As parents we have to make sure we take care of our marriage and put our marriage before anyone and anything else.  My parents always told me that the best thing they gave us kids is a loving marriage between our parents.  Very true.  See because now all 5 of us kids are out of the house and now the only two left are my mom and dad.  They kept their marriage strong throughout the 39 years of marriage, and they really don't experience the empty nest issues that some couples face.  My parents are actually enjoying not having the kids there anymore.  
My husband and I have been married 6.5 years and I can tell you that if we don't keep working on stuff, our marriage falls into a rut, and its only the fault of the both of us.  My husband isn't just to blame, and I'm not to blame, it is the both of us that caused it.  
Make sense.

[laura1977]

I am a stay at home mom, my husband works full-time to support us.  Heres the thing though.  Since I do stay home with our girls, I don't go out shopping alot and I don't go get my hair done (actually my husband and I pull my hair through a frosting cap and I bleach it myself) this costs a total of 5 dollars.  Most families can live off of one income, but you have to be willing to give up the greater things in life.  People should really learn to live off of one income even if there are two people working in the house, because you never know when  one person will loose their job.  Now, if your children are older and in school, then there is no reason that your wife shouldn't get at least a part time job while the kids are in school.  If your wife is living it up and going out and spending money while you are working, then yeah something needs to be done.  Many stay at home moms cut corners to be able to stay home.  Me, I don't have a big wardrobe at all, and I know how to go grocery shopping without spending a big load of money.  My family doesn't go out to eat alot, and I try to have a garage sale once a year.  The other thing that I will say though is I have been a stay at home mom for almost 6 years, and if I would have to go get a job right now, it would scare me to death because I haven't been in the real world in 6 years.  Maybe that is what your wife is having issues with.  
So, if your wife has a spending problem while she isn't working, then you should take away all her spending ways until she can work, but if you guys have small kids at home, then you need to consider that many people do better to stay at home with their kids because they couldn't make enough money for daycare.

[Avas Mom]

Do you have kids together? Like is she a stay at home mom or she just stays home? Because if shes capable and isnt home with your children i dont blame you for not wanting to work 2 or 3 jobs while she sits home and spends your money. Though this seems to make me a hipocrit because im staying home while my bf works and does side jobs but i also take care of our baby and am starting school in a couple weeks.