HELP PLEASE

[patricia562]

my boyfriend  is very bossy and jealous about every thing and any thing HE DOESNT LIKE ME TO WHERE SHORTS HE SAYS THAT THATS SOME HOE SH333****ittt BUT WHEN WE STARTED GOING OUT I WOULD ALWAYS WHERE SHORTS SKIRTS DRESSES AND HE NEVER TOLD ME ANY THING NOW THAT I HAD HIS BABY HE JUDGES WHAT I WEAR ALL THE TIME.. Hes always acuseing me of cheating......  If we go out any where if i glance or look a way where there is a guy he tells me to go hollar at the guy get his number.....
Geting tired of all the BS IM TRYNA MAKE IT WORK BEACAUSE I LOVE HIM AND BEACAUSE HE IS THE FATHER OF MY 3 YEAR OLD SON. HELP PLZ WHAT SHOULD I DO??????

[specialmom]

It is so hard once we've had a kid with someone.  We are stuck with dealing with them in some way shape or form.  They have rights to their child and every parent should encourage the other to be involved with their shared kid.  

I do worry about where this is headed.  Unless there is some explanation of why he is acting like this (you ARE going out partying a lot with friends, scantily clad OR there is some history of cheating that we don't know about, etc.)-------  he is over the top.  

I guess I think since you've already had a child with him and this means you've been together at least 4 years since the child is now 3-----  that you give it a shot to try to improve communication first.  If there is a reason he is acting in this controlling way----  maybe you can work it out.  You could reassure him, make small changes (and his change would be to no comment on what you are wearing and get over thinking you are picking up men).  If there is something from your past or his past, perhaps you can resolve it so that he doesn't feel threatened.  

I always think when we share a child with someone that it is worth a shot to try to fix the problem ----- even with professional guidance if couples counseling is a possibility.  If it can't be fixed, I don't think it is safe to stay with a man that is controlling as it often really does escalate into worse scenarios.  

But if you do leave, you will have to plan on how you will deal with him as the father of your child.  

I'm still wondering if you live together.

Here is my story----  my husband and I were on vacation in Mexico. I got ready to go out for the night-----  I dolled myself up complete with a tiny little dress.  My husband gave me adoring praise when he saw me and then asked me to change.  He said that he didn't want any situations in which he was going to have defend me from a man grabbing me.  He didn't want a fight or situation that was dangerous to develop.  My husband isn't controlling but I also get that having the woman in the room that is trying to get LOTS of attention due to her attire can be a harder night on the guy (even when we do it JUST for them).  Ever have a bunch of woman looking at and wanting your boyfriend?  I dated a guy in a band and that was the way it was every night with him.  It was a royal pain in the behind for me.  Sure, my boyfriend ignored them but it was hard for me to do it as they were so in your face with it.  

So, that is my long way of saying that I'm trying to figure out if this is text book control going on here which is unsuitable for you to endure or if this is fixable.  Since you have a kid together, worth trying to figure that out.  good luck

[Londres70]

Will have to agree with getitright; this a control issue and he has to recognize this and want to change.  If he doesn't and you decide to stay with him you are pretty much giving this behavior the "ok" to do.

Does this bf even have any "plus" points?  If he doesn't, I would be telling him "adios."  

I surely wouldn't advise exposing your son to this behavior from the bf.  I understand he is the father, but......this would not be good for your son as he will grow up thinking this behavior is ok.  

[specialmom]

Ugh.  I was going to write that the premise of dating is to learn what we need to know about a person to see if we should move the relationship to the next level and this guy sounds like you should move on . . . but I am too late.  You've had a child together.  

This is odd that it has gotten worse since you had a child with him.  Usually that ugly insecurity and jealousy shows itself earlier.  Did you not see it before or earlier in the process of getting to know him (the dating phase in which we are suppose to look for red flags)?  

Anyway, his reaction to things and your confusion about it tells me that you two need to learn to communicate better.  Talk.  Talk to him about why he thinks you might be interested in someone else--------  where is that coming from??  And tell him that you are not.  Do you still go out and party with friends without him?  Is this what he is talking about?  Or is he speaking of when you have dates as a couple----  he'd like you to be more conservative now?  Do you live together?  

Bottom line, he is either controlling and this gets worse over time and can even slip into the area of abuse if he gets physical about his demands.  OR--  there is something going on that he worries about that you can clear up through proper communication and compromise.  

Which do you think it is?  

[RainLover71]

Your an individual and your a woman who can make her own choises.This sounds very much like a control issue and in time it may get worse.Tell him how you feel and whats on your mind when he becomes controlling.No human being should be dominated in a relationship,man or woman and it needs to stop,but how.Well the only way is to talk and come to a solution because you have a child together and you love him and i assume he loves you back.Maybe that,s the issue right there.That he loves you so much that he doesn,t want any other guy even looking in your direction.Marriage therapy would be a good place to start if you can,t work it out yourselves.All the best.

[AnnieBrooke]

How old is your boyfriend?  He sounds pretty young.  Maybe he is insecure, maybe he is overwhelmed.  Maybe he hates the responsibility of being a father getting piled on him without any control over it, and so is taking it out on you.

Get a neutral opinion about whether your clothes are too trampy or revealing, don't ask him, but don't ask your best friend either (she probably dresses the same way).  Some shorts are fine.  Some show every outline of the buttocks and vagina and really do look like the wardrobe of an h.  Some dresses are charming and some are even stodgy, some are so tight and short that they look like a desperate bid for (the wrong kind of) attention.  Sure, you want to dress your age.  But in every age group there is a trampy end and a frumpy end, with classy being somewhere in the middle.

If your boyfriend really leans on the clothing thing, ask him to take you shopping and buy you something he approves of.  lol