me and my boyfriend, i don't know what to do.

[SaydeeRay]

Me and my boyfriend, have been going out for just over a year, it's been great, were perfectly matched, we love all the same things, dislike all the same things. He's at uni about six hours away from where i live, and only comes up now ad then, anyway, this isn't really causing problems, but he has mental health issues, and sometimes does things, but can't help it, recently, he took, alot of alcohol, and because he was really upset that he thought i'd finnished with him (i hadn't really, it was sort of in his head/miss understood me) he ended up sleeping with another girl, he was totally broken when he told me, he kept saying how sorry he was and that he was "going to make it up to me somehow" He was then sectioned in hospital, hes out now, and i feel like i can't trust him, but i can't see my life without him. I'm terrified it'll happen again, or that he doesn't love me like i do him, i find it hard to explain my feelings, i think we've got something really really good. But, is this something i should let go off? or is it worth making a go off.
I only forgave him because he was ill, if he knew what he was doing, and was just under the influence of alcohol or whatever, i wouldn't have.
any advice?
i would just like to state, he does treat me like a princess, but just blows hot and cold.

[Judy246]

You b/f is emotionally unstabled and there is absolutely no excuse for infidelity. It's just that and excuse. This means that everytime you both have issues or problems he is going to turn around, get drunk and get stupid? Unexceptable and I'm very concern that you are are a completely emotionally codependant on him, because you love him. If he truly loved and valued you, he would have never cheated. He would have discussed any issues and how to resolve them and move on without using the excuse of "Oh' I made a mistake and had sex with someone else'....that's total c*r*a*p.

Once trust has been broken in a relationship, it will never be the same and changes the dynamics of the relationship and you need to have dignity and self respect and never let anyone or any man treat you less than you deserve to be treated. I recommend that you start making a plan to leave him as much as it might hurt you, because it will only be a matter of time that he will cheat on you again. Make sure to surround yourself with your family and good friends and leave someone who is not only unfaithful, but does not truly love you, because if he did, he would have respect you and the relationship and would have never intentionally hurt you in the worst way with another woman.  Good Luck, Judy

[jo929]

This man has a problem and he needs more help than you can give him, so back off and tell him to get help as i think you said he had mental health problems, i really think that you need to let the young man go, and just try to be a friend, but not a girlfriend as you really cant help him with his problems, and if you should marry it will get worse i have worked with the mentally ill, and believe me you really do not want to get married as he will have these problems most or the rest of his life there is no cure for mental illness but there is help and you must think of yourself, as you will have a living to make if he still wants you as a girlfriend just tell him, you have different feelings and it will not hurt him, just tell him you will be a friend, if you dont want to be a friend just bow out,   I am not saying this to be mean just trying to help you  luck  jo

[specialmom]

Well, on one hand he came clean and told you and acted adequately sorry if not broken over it.   On the other hand, a man who handles stress so destructively would be scary to think of long term.  Life only gets harder with bills, kids, and additional challenges.  I hate to say it, he may have some severe problems down the road and you might be better off finding someone that can cope better.  Good luck.  You have the  whole world ahead of you!!

[sammy73]

It sounds like this incident was the result of a misunderstanding, and he is genuinely remorseful about what happened.  He didn't knowingly cheat on you, because he thought you'd dumped him.  People do wierd things when they are deeply upset because they've just broken up, and going and having sex with someone else (particularly when drunk and not really thinking straight) to try and cheer yourself up is not really an unusual reaction.

If he's really sorry, and from what you've said it sounds like he is, then it is worth giving him another chance.  I can understand your fear that, once it's happened once, it might happen again.  You need to explain that to him, and tell him that he needs to work hard to regain your trust.  The only way he can do this is by being totally honest and open with you, and keep doing this for a long time, and hopefully, eventually, the trust will come back.  If he really loves and cares about you, and is sorry for what he's done, he will make this effort.

[VicUser]

Part of dating finding smeone you want to spend the rest of your life with, no normal person likes to hurt someone else, but this guy does not sound like a keeper to me. I think you'd be better off finding someone else.