my first granddaughter

Question

I have a biological granddaughter who is now 15. I love her very much, the last time I held her was when she was two 1/2. The mother was very young at the time with my son and they were still in high school. My son didn't pull his weight, and the girl re-married and the parental rights severed where my son is concerned. I am hoping that one day she will be told who her biological grandmother is before I die. Through the years she has moved and I have moved. But I have somehow managed to keep her picture and has seen the other grandmother and she told me about her, and gave me a picture of her. Sometimes I cannot sleep from thinking I will see her again one day. I don't think the mother will tell her, and I don't want to stir up confusion. I am just wondering what the right thing to do is. If there is anything I could do, please tell me what it is.

specialmom · Answer

This is very difficult and I'm sorry that you suffer from the situation.  I think really your only option is to wait and see.  If you are in contact with the girl's mother's mother, this is a way to ask some questions.  Does she know that her mother remarried and the man raising her isn't her bio dad?  That is important because as you say, you don't want to make a distressing situation.  While she does have a right to know----  the truth is that she may not really 'want' to know.  She may be quite happy with her world as she sees it right now.  Perhaps her mother will tell her all when she is an adult but this will bring up a lot of emotions.  Not always good ones.  She will see you as a stranger and with immature emotions, might not be accepting of you right away.  Then again, she may know all about this and a meeting would then be possible.  But really, I'd let her mother lead the way.  If you speak to her mother, I'd let her know you have no intentions but to get to know her because you care.  

I do wish you luck and hope that some day you can get to know her and have some sort of relationship with her.  Understanding that while your son fathered her, she was parented by others and that is the family she loves will help.  Does your son have any desire to get to know her?  It will hurt her if he doesn't and you do.  Peace.

roxanne878 · Answer

Once again I thank you all for your opinions and help.

roxanne878 · Answer

Once again I thank you all for your opinions and help.

adgal · Answer

I know that there are laws in place to protect Grandparents rights.  Sadly, you often see cases where one parent just isn't interested in parenting and has their parental rights terminated.  However, Grandparents can file suite to gain access and get visitation rights.  It would require getting a lawyer, and given that it's been so long, this may not be in the childs best interests, but it is something you could explore.  The other option might be to write a letter to your grand daughter letting her know that if she wants it, you would love to have a relationship with her.  Her mother has reason to be angry and unhappy with your son, but perhaps it's not the same situation with you?  Just some ideas.  So sad when things like this happen. I wish you well and hope that you are able to reconnect with her and build a relationship.  It's never too late.

roxanne878 · Answer

Thanks, I am hoping that she will knowwhen she turns 18, I think any child has the right to know that, for lots of reasons.  Thank you for your help.

margypops · Answer

I am sorry you have missed all these years with your granddaughter and I know how it must hurt. Can you perhaps through the other granma connect up with the child's mom again , is that possible maybe she would put in a good word for you.If indeed the child has not been told about her birth then I am not certain you can do anything at least whilst she is a minor when she is 18 she can be told and make her own mind up ..Its a dilemma I know.I guess the answer is to go through the other granma and feel your way ..good luck