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my girlfriend cheated...cant closer...
about 7 mon. ago my girlfriend went on a vacation for spring break...we were onbly together for 3 months b4 she went....so therefore she had the tripped planned b4 me and her committement 2 me...when she got back i found out she went w another dude and had it planned the whole time without tellin me...also i found she sharred a bed w the dude...she swore nothin happend...notta kiss nor a dance and she ordered 2 beds...she told me she was curled up at the foota the bed crying herself to sleep every night she shared a bed w this man who wasnt me....well 2 months after she had been home i get an email from her friend confessing for her friend...when i confronted my girlfriend she said yes she cheated but no sex...she attempted oral sex on him sdeveral times but the man didnt get erect...she said he gave her oral relations....but she didnt get a orgasim...shes never easily came off of ne information...its been along time that this happened but i have no closer....how can ui get closier....when i ask her why she did it and why she didnt tell me about the guy and her going together...(which *** to find out later that she had sexual relations w this dude b4 the trip and b4 me)...even tho she said she had no contact w the dude...(as well came across the guys copy of his passport)....she says she dunno why she didnt tell me and she donnu why she cheated...just that shes sorry and she made a mistake....she lies about other stuff to avoid confruntation so i have a hard time letting tyhis go...i love her and waNT TO BE WITH HER forever.....what do i do to get closier and regain my sanity????
It is your decision if you want to stay with someone that has cheated, but i think that you are both to young to have a serious relationship, and you both need to grow up a bit and finish your education, and then if she is the one ok luck jo
Well my opinion is this...she did this when you were dating for 3 months. Not that this was right on any level but she probably figured that this was still new and she was most likely unsure of her feelings for you. Perhaps she had feelings for this other guy and was confused. Again, not that it is right and she should've been honest with you from the beginning. She may have realized while she was there that she didn't have feelings for him anymore and that it was you that she wanted to be with. I don't agree with once a cheater always a cheater because a lot of people do things that they live to regret and never do it again. Some learn from their experiences and she might be one of those people. However, if she's still lying to you than you have some issues. What are the types of things she lies about? I feel that since she was dishonest to you in the beginning, she has a lot of making up to do and she has a lot of trust to rebuild, therefore, she shouldn't lie about anything because it just ruins any bit of trust that was regained. Not everyone gets closure in these types of situations. I know when my fiance cheated, I confronted the girl but didn't feel like I told her everything I wanted to and even after our conversation, I still felt like I didn't get the closure I wanted to. I guess my closure would be a punch to her face but I couldn't exactly do that....lol. You have to find the closure within yourself. If you chose to forgive her than you have to do that. It will come in your own time but you have to move forward. Which means that you have to try your hardest to let the past go. Try to enjoy the relationship now and not look back and think of what she had done. You can't change what has already happened but you can change how your relationship will be now and in the future. You have all the power here, so think long and hard about whether she is what you want. I understand the hurt and pain you feel but it does fade over time, although, your relationship will never be what it was before you found out about the cheating. Good luck.
COMMUNITY LEADER
I didn't say it in my first post, but I second Judy. You DO deserve better than this. Good luck!
Wow, I'm so sorry this is happening to you. After carefully reading your post, your g/f is dishonest and unfaithful. She has broken trust and can not be trusted. You begin by accepting that this type of behavior is not only inexcusable, but unacceptable and you have to make the hardest decision even tho you love her and let her go on the grounds of infidelity and putting you at rist for STD's. Make sure not to let your emotions get the better judgment of you, because if she truly loved you, she would have never done what she did. Here are the red flags:
* Intent: She had planned the trip with this other guy all along, which
means he has been in the picture for quite some time.
*Liar: Deny anything happened, yet shared a room and bed...YES, they
had sex, so don't let her fool you!
* Put you at risk for STD's...she had oral sex with this man!
She loves you, but is not "in" love with you, because if she was in love with you, she would have never planned a trip with this man and would have never cheated. It's time for you to re-evaluate this dysfunctional relationship and let her go. You must have respect for yourself and dignity and never permit any woman to ever treat you with such disrespect. She will do it again! Make sure to make a plan to surround yourself with your family and good friends for support and do what is necessary and let her go!!! You deserve better and there are many women out there just dying to meet you at the right time, so let her go. She has show you that she is dishonest, untrustworthy, unfaithful, liar, cheater, irresponsible, risk for an STD and does not love you. Let her go immediately, you deserve better. Good luck. Judy
* Intent: She had planned the trip with this other guy all along, which
means he has been in the picture for quite some time.
*Liar: Deny anything happened, yet shared a room and bed...YES, they
had sex, so don't let her fool you!
* Put you at risk for STD's...she had oral sex with this man!
She loves you, but is not "in" love with you, because if she was in love with you, she would have never planned a trip with this man and would have never cheated. It's time for you to re-evaluate this dysfunctional relationship and let her go. You must have respect for yourself and dignity and never permit any woman to ever treat you with such disrespect. She will do it again! Make sure to make a plan to surround yourself with your family and good friends for support and do what is necessary and let her go!!! You deserve better and there are many women out there just dying to meet you at the right time, so let her go. She has show you that she is dishonest, untrustworthy, unfaithful, liar, cheater, irresponsible, risk for an STD and does not love you. Let her go immediately, you deserve better. Good luck. Judy
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hello. I just wanted to say that one of the reasons for dating is to find out what we like and don't like about a person. What bothered me the most about your story is that you make mention of how she will lie to avoid confrontation. This means she lies about little things and big things. This means it is a habit of hers. That is a problem for you in terms of having a relationship. Secondly, I know that romance can happen quickly but it seems like you rather quickly left everything behind for a woman. This is usually not a good idea. Uprooting for another person should not be a rash decision as in I showed up and decided to stay but a more thought out process. So now you find yourself in a situation with a woman who was willing to cheat on you----- and let me just say this. After 3 months, we hope that someone will be so into us but not cheat . . .but that happens. That is a new relationship and remember, dating is to find out about someone. It usually takes a little time to develop into a full blown committment. But the fact that she lied about it all and a "friend" (some friend) outed her does not speak well of her maturity.
With that being said----- all this is water on the bridge and the question is what do you do from here? You need to have a conversation with yourself first. Question yourself as to whether this is the KIND of relationship that you want. Once a major trust is broken, it is hard to ever feel that same initial trust/love for that person. They've soiled it by cheating. Do you want to be with someone who lies regularly about anything? Do you want to be in a relationship in which you had to give up everything to be in it? Is this relationship allowing you to pursue anything you want out of life besides her? Once you've had that conversation with yourself ----- If you decided no . . .then get in touch with someone at home. Make some plans. Get your stuff together and go ahead and leave. If you decide to stay------ then own that you are going to look the other way to what she did and accept it. You can't torture her with it. You can't bring it up in fights. You can't spend every day questioning her as to if it is happening again. etc. You will need to have a second serious conversation but with her this time. Talk about the casual lying. That is a REAL issue. Tell her that she just can't do this. If she does, you walk. (of course, you have to be ready to walk . . . otherwise, then live with it). Tell her you forgive her for cheating and you will move on now. Ask her if she does indeed want to be in a committed relationship with you. Make sure of that. Then try to be happy with her. But I would say that you need to work on your own life seperate from her.
These are just my opinions only. I wish you the very best of luck. Love can be hard, but learnign how to love and be loved along the way can be painful.
With that being said----- all this is water on the bridge and the question is what do you do from here? You need to have a conversation with yourself first. Question yourself as to whether this is the KIND of relationship that you want. Once a major trust is broken, it is hard to ever feel that same initial trust/love for that person. They've soiled it by cheating. Do you want to be with someone who lies regularly about anything? Do you want to be in a relationship in which you had to give up everything to be in it? Is this relationship allowing you to pursue anything you want out of life besides her? Once you've had that conversation with yourself ----- If you decided no . . .then get in touch with someone at home. Make some plans. Get your stuff together and go ahead and leave. If you decide to stay------ then own that you are going to look the other way to what she did and accept it. You can't torture her with it. You can't bring it up in fights. You can't spend every day questioning her as to if it is happening again. etc. You will need to have a second serious conversation but with her this time. Talk about the casual lying. That is a REAL issue. Tell her that she just can't do this. If she does, you walk. (of course, you have to be ready to walk . . . otherwise, then live with it). Tell her you forgive her for cheating and you will move on now. Ask her if she does indeed want to be in a committed relationship with you. Make sure of that. Then try to be happy with her. But I would say that you need to work on your own life seperate from her.
These are just my opinions only. I wish you the very best of luck. Love can be hard, but learnign how to love and be loved along the way can be painful.
Honestly, you will never feel sanity until you move on... I was with a fella who cheated and it tore me apart! He lied and everything.. made me look such a fool! you need to find sum1 you can trust! you cant be happy if u don trust the person ue wit!!! I went insane wondering when e wud cheat again, how manys times he has and isn't telling mt about etc etc.. DROVE ME MENTAL!!!! Love is blind, she is playing you like a fiddle.... move on!
yes we are still together....we moved in together right after she came back but b4 i found out.....i came to michigan for a fight and i met her and decided to stay and b with her...she knoew i lived in another staTE...since weve been together i lost my place and my things i left behind...i have no family or friends here just her and she knows that....i really wunna kno why a person could string me along like that when i given so much...i wunna make this work...any tips
It's hard to say, but usually a cheater is always a cheater. I know your heart is breaking, She may need to grow up some before you can settle down with her, or she may never stop cheating. Are you still with her now? If you have chosen to stay with her, then you may be experiencing all the normal things that go along with being cheated on: guilt, feelings of inadequacy, fear, anger, insecurity, and inability to trust. Unfortunately sometimes these things can never be fixed and the relationship must end. If you two are no longer together, then the best thing you can do is move on. She does not sound good for you, and it sounds like lying comes easily to her. Closure will only come once you decide to either trust her and give her a second chance, no questions asked, or move on and try to start over on your own. Good luck
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