partner and I are not getting on at all

[abcde12344]

So my daughter is 9 days old and me and my partner are not getting on at all and he keeps talking about how he's debated on leaving so many times I just feel lonely and feel like everyrhing I do isn't good enough he calls me a retard all the time and said Im a bad mum

[specialmom]

I am very sorry to hear this.  Lots of couples do bicker when they bring home a new baby as they are tired, stressed and it is a HUGE change.  However, this is not really that situation.  This is more of a man being completely nasty to you at what is really a vulnerable time.  ALL new mamas struggle a bit to take care of that new life given to them.  I thought I had it all under control until I brought our first baby home and then wow.  I wondered every day if I was doing things right.  :>)  It's the nature of being a loving parent.  You need support, not put downs.   And such cruel put downs.

I'm very sorry that he is treating you this way.   How are the other people in your life like your parents?  Are they there for you?  Can you stay with them for a while?  

anyway, no one should be spoken to that way.  hugs

[Nighthawk61]

A Catch 22 is  a situation in which a desired outcome (Your being a "good" mom"  or solution is IMPOSSIBLE to attain because of a set of inherently contradictory rules or conditions.  I think this best describes the state your current relationship.

Your child's father is sabotaging you by belittling you.His verbal emotional spiritual abuse will affect how you act with your newborn and beyond, through kindergarten, in his formative years, and middle school, and high school. Simply, unless he sees he has a problem and does what it takes to fix it (anger management/therapy) he will sabotage your being able to be the best mom that you can be. It might not be his intention, it might be that he was raised that way, and is simply repeating the sins of his own father.

Even a young child is able to distinguish a "happy" loving home from an unhappy one. If you move yourself and your child on from living in this type of negative living arrangement, he/she may have no memory of it,  

Do you have any family that are close to you, that you could rely upon for support right now? That you can talk to about what's happening in your home? Is there family that you could go and stay with, maybe while talking a college course online, or in person. ? Maybe someone to help with babysitting.

You see my dear, we all have times in our lives where we come up upon a set of cross roads. We can continue on with something that is not right, but stay on that course, because of fear of the unknown. Any change can be scary. But you have to think of leaving this man as an opportunity. An opportunity to better yourself, and work towards a lifestyle that will be better for your child than if you stayed in a relationship that was obviously unhealthy. Your child will thank you for standing up for what is RIGHT. For not allowing him/her to be in a negative home life for a moment longer than he/she absolutely had to be.

There are many women that have had to move on from their first husband, and have moved on to a healthy happy 2nd marriage. This could be you too~~If you feel that you need to give him a chance to change, you can do that. But have a plan that doesn't include him, because it might be that he is unable to retract from his position of pure ignorance.

I'm here for you if you ever need to talk. It's been a long time since i've been in an abusive relationship, but i have a long memory, and I feel for you . If there's anything i can do to help you through this, i'm here for you.

[abcde12344]

Thankyou

[ceytal]

no prblem babe you could always write to me you will get a reply  x

[abcde12344]

Thankyou iv got your inboxs thankyou so much :)

[ceytal]

first things you need to think about you and your baby dont think about him if he wants to leave then let him...his no good from stress aslong as you sayand am sure your a good mum i have inbox you x

[super_mom92]

You know if u sit around and take verbal abuse like that it can really affect your child. I know it's hard but if he threatens to leave u, then leave him. Eventually he will be back. And if not then at least u got a beautiful baby out of it. It could be just because of the sleep deprivation. Just relax and take care of yourself or you will end up going into depression. Trust me I went through depression with my first and it wasn't fair to my baby or myself. Worry about yourself and your baby.

[ceytal]

check inbox

[maw4389]

I don't know why you'd stay with aomeone who calls you names and treats you like that. Honestly, you're probably better off without him. That's a form of abuse.