Aa
plz plz read n need advice
Soo I am prego about 19 weeks but that's not my probably I need to vent bout something else... 2 1/2 months ago I gave my fiance a hall pass n kept telling him he needs to use it n to go screw some biitch n basically went at it for a week telling him he had to use it while i was away which would b for 2 months... n now I feel soo stupid for giving it to him coz well he used it... he screwed some girl he pickked up at the club n I asked him was it even good he said noo it honestly made me realize I truly love u coz the whole tym I thought f u n it was the worst ever... see I'm the 3rd girl he's ever been with n she was #4 I've been with 30 guys tho... n it kills him everyday he said in a way it helped him feel on my level... in the first 10 months f our relationship I was previously soo horrible to him I was physically violent n verbally... I know I was soo horrible... but I guess I dnt know how to react to how amazing n loving he treated me coz I nvr got that from any1 not even my parents... he stood by me through my rape n everything... I love him soo much n knows he loves me but idk how to even deal with wat he told me... I know I told him to... n I know I hurt him... I just ahhh its all I can think bout every min... even wen we make love... it kills me... lyk I know she dnt even make him *** coz he only cums wen he loves some1 but he still had sex with her some1 plz help me... =[
Thank u soo much for ur advise it has helped... n I know me n him love eachother very much n will work things out... this is just another bump in the road... n yes I'm already in the process f getting help...
COMMUNITY LEADER
neen, how did you study sexuality in college. Just curiuos.
Listen, I think you need focus on today. This happened and both of you had a hand in disappointing one another in it. So where do you go now? That is the focus.
As Londres said, therapy is key here.
Tell him that you are sorry you told him to cheat as now you find it hurts you. But you want to move past it for the sake of your relationship and your child. That is when you tell him you are going to do some solo therapy and if he'd like to do some coulples therapy, please do. Rebuild the relationship. In this case, it doesn't seem like it is doomed to me.
Do you have access to a therapist? Can your parents help you with that? The YWCA offers some counseling, clinics do and some churches in case you don't have mental health coverage with your insurance.
I do wish you luck dear and hope it works out. A rough past shouldn't have to screw up our future. Peace
Listen, I think you need focus on today. This happened and both of you had a hand in disappointing one another in it. So where do you go now? That is the focus.
As Londres said, therapy is key here.
Tell him that you are sorry you told him to cheat as now you find it hurts you. But you want to move past it for the sake of your relationship and your child. That is when you tell him you are going to do some solo therapy and if he'd like to do some coulples therapy, please do. Rebuild the relationship. In this case, it doesn't seem like it is doomed to me.
Do you have access to a therapist? Can your parents help you with that? The YWCA offers some counseling, clinics do and some churches in case you don't have mental health coverage with your insurance.
I do wish you luck dear and hope it works out. A rough past shouldn't have to screw up our future. Peace
I know it sounds crazy the whole he doesn't *** for any1 that he isn't in love with but I know its true coz wen him n I were first involved he nvr came till we actually fell in love... its crazy n I know noo 1 believes it... but I know I'm the exact same way coz I nvr had an orgasam till we were in love... n I know he did sleep with her... but I know its only coz I forced it on him n he thought by me giving him the hall pass n telling him the things I said was saying that myn n his love making wasn't special enough soo he did it coz f that n angry n really drunk... our roommates dnt even know which r his best friends... he dnt even tell them which makes me know he didn't want to n it was coz f me being horrible...
oh honey dumb move. Honestly he says he did it because that is what he thought you wanted to hear. Unfortunetly a man that has had sex with 3 woman is not the kind of man that would take your free hall pass. And a man that has had sex with only 3 woman puts off a certain no experience look in moves actions and conversation. which makes it vertually impossible for him to get laid by some random woman. Just my thoughts an experiences i really don't think he did it. And for you to believe that he only cums when he loves someone is no offense very nieve because a mans body and mind does not work like that. Just a thought when he is masterbating in the shower do you think he is making love to his hand? Sorry I studied sexuality in college and our discussions were always realistically brutal.
That's what I thought.
Please do get to therapy and sort all this out now. You don't want to pass this pattern along to your child.
You're in a pattern of self-destruction secondary to all what has happened to you in your past.
Love and someone sticking around is foreign to you; that's really sad.
At least you are seeking therapy again.
Please do get to therapy and sort all this out now. You don't want to pass this pattern along to your child.
You're in a pattern of self-destruction secondary to all what has happened to you in your past.
Love and someone sticking around is foreign to you; that's really sad.
At least you are seeking therapy again.
Noo I dnt... my parents had me go a few tyms then stop taking me... n yes it seems I am trying to push him out coz I figure its better he leave now then later... I'm soo used to ppl walking out on me that I exspect him to even tho I know he wouldn't... I know he loves me more then anyone ever has loved me... n honestly it scares me...
It is apparent therapy is in order here; for you of course.
You are basically sabotaging your own relationship. Why? Because I think deep down inside you think you aren't worthy of someone treating you decent. You are exhibiting self-distructive behaviors/tendencies.
Please seek help like yesterday before your child gets here.
Did you even have any therapy after the rape dear?
You are basically sabotaging your own relationship. Why? Because I think deep down inside you think you aren't worthy of someone treating you decent. You are exhibiting self-distructive behaviors/tendencies.
Please seek help like yesterday before your child gets here.
Did you even have any therapy after the rape dear?
COMMUNITY LEADER
I think that we have to be honest with ourselves and with others. Don't create situations in our your own life that hurt you. If you are authentic and truthful with him, you'd probably have said--- oh, I will miss you when I'm gone. I hope you'll miss me too and not seek out anyone else. Instead, you went the opposite way and I agree, working with someone to discover why would be so helpful to you.
Our subconsious can sabatoge something that is good in our lives if on some level we don't feel like we deserve it and a horrible past would make someone feel that way.
so, get some therapy and you can turn everything around!! And from now on, live truthfully and do things that are in your best interest only. I wish you peace----- we can't take back things back but we can learn from them and become better people for it.
Our subconsious can sabatoge something that is good in our lives if on some level we don't feel like we deserve it and a horrible past would make someone feel that way.
so, get some therapy and you can turn everything around!! And from now on, live truthfully and do things that are in your best interest only. I wish you peace----- we can't take back things back but we can learn from them and become better people for it.
It was kinda a test n also I always feel bad that my past hurts him soo much... also I will b seeking out a theripist coz me n him both have things we must work on... ahh just feel soo stupid now... wen I told him that I just wasn't thinking...
COMMUNITY LEADER
Okay, don't be mad but . . how dumb to tell your boyfriend to go screw someone. I'm not trying to hurt your feelings but I don't understand that AT ALL.
Was it a test?
And now you know he failed. But hon, you set him up. Why??? Why do that to yourself and him?
Okay, so moving on---- I am thinking your past has been painful and gotten you to a place of unclear thinking. That is possibly how all of this came about. I think you are going to have to accept that he failed a test you gave him and try to figure out if you can deal with that or not.
either way, do you think talking to a therapist to sort through your past and present situation and how they are interrelated would help you?? I'm thinking that might help bring some clarity and help you move forward. good luck dear
Was it a test?
And now you know he failed. But hon, you set him up. Why??? Why do that to yourself and him?
Okay, so moving on---- I am thinking your past has been painful and gotten you to a place of unclear thinking. That is possibly how all of this came about. I think you are going to have to accept that he failed a test you gave him and try to figure out if you can deal with that or not.
either way, do you think talking to a therapist to sort through your past and present situation and how they are interrelated would help you?? I'm thinking that might help bring some clarity and help you move forward. good luck dear
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