porno

[mrscoruptedspeed]

heres my situation .... we go to dinner ( but all day he has a headahce) about 15 mins after we got to dinner with the family he wants to leave so he left... but i come home after dinner and notice that he watched porn... i said something to him and he denied it ... why do men watch porn and then lie to their spouse about it ? im frustated and dont know what to do ...

[dlr2007]

Killerpain is right- porn can be an addiction. I am definitely on the extreme side as far as this matter, cuz my 2nd husband was a porn addict. He was also an internet chat addict who branched out to meeting girls and who knows what else. I don't know your history, if you have kids, how long you've been together, etc. I'm assuming this is a long relationship that you really want to work on, since you're married. I would have a serious talk with him, tell him how it makes you feel when he escapes from time with you to watch porn. Ask him if he is willing to stop or limit the behavior. If he's not, well that doesn't give you much to work with. If he is, try to help him figure out why porn is so enticing to him -beside the obvious- naked women ;). If it seems serious enough, as in his porn-watching is a regular event and causes trouble constantly, I would try to get him to go for couples counseling. If he says he's having problems with the marriage or feeling neglected by you, it's fine to try to work on ideas to help him feel better, as long as he';s making you feel better by cutting out the secretive porn. But don't let him blame you for this- a classic example of any addict making excuses for their behavior is the "well you drove me to this- I would't have to watch porn/drink/drug if you weren't so bitchy/demanding/cold".. that is bullsh$t! After you come to some sort of agreement, as I'm hoping you do, I would keep alert for any signs of him slipping up. I hope you can trust him, though. Remember, I'm bringing experiences of my own from a very short marriage with NO trust, so your situation is probably different.
  I'm now remarried to a wonderful man who doesn't like porn :). Of course, we have our own problems- all couple do- but trust issues are not one of them. Best of luck to you.
-Dee

[mrscoruptedspeed]

i did mention to him and he didnt say anything.. i guess he likes the privacy he gets when he watches it... i just dont understand why he had to do that last night when he complained of wanting to go home and go to bed b-c of his headache.... i just dont know how to get my point across that it was wrong to do that in that situation......

[raindelay]

I'm not sure how watching porn means he's depressed.  Maybe it stimulates his imagination.  Maybe he was just watching because someone gave him a CD.  Who knows.  Porn is the largest $$ generator on the internet which means that millions of people - men and women - are watching it.  It's not my bag but I understand that people like to watch it.  If they were all depressed we'd be in real trouble.

He lies about it because he's embarrassed that he did it.  If he didn't respect you - or maybe fear your reaction - he wouldn't lie about it.

Why don't you take the initiative and tell him that the next time he wants to watch porn you'd like to watch it with him and see where it goes.....

[RockRose]

This seems completely obvious.  He watches porn because he's kind of depressed,  and looking for something to make him feel better.

He lies about it because you disapprove.  

I don't blame you for disapproving,  but really,  this is obvious.

Here's what to do.  Tell him he seems depressed,  and encourage him to talk to his doctor about his depression and hopefully he'll get therapy and/or medication.  

[Killerpain]

porn is an addiction.  It is like a smoker hiding he is still smoking, etc.

it is hard for him to break even though he knows you want him to.

also, he needs to know walking out on a family event isn't acceptable