i am 25 years old and me and my boyfriend recently got engaged. we have been together for 5 years and are in no big rush to get married. and in my younger years i did not want to have children, as our relationship has gotten stronger and i am getting a little bit older, i feel like i want children and i kind of want them soon. i am not sure if we are financially ready for them. and i am still kind-of scared of being a mother. but i am more scared that my mom and some of her sisters had hystorectomies in their early 30 that if i wait then maybe we wont be able to have kids at all. does any body have any advice?
Don't be scared I understand what you are saying. Everybody gets scared of being a mom but we have mother instants. Just cause your mom had a hystorectomie in the 30's it doesn't mean you will. babies are so expensive. You sound smart and I think you will make the right descion. GOOD LUCK
Create a detailed budget of your finances (only yours...I'll get into why in a minute). Take into consideration *everything* you can think of that you spend your money on--debts, groceries, regular bills, entertainment, etc.
Then do some online research of the costs of raising a child. It's not cheap, but add up only the necessities you need for a growing child. You can even go to a Wal-Mart with a calculator and add up diapers, clothes, baby formula/food, blankets (remember, you can also ask for some of the big stuff at a baby shower, like a bassinet and extra diapers and baby food). Just get an idea of what things cost for a baby on a weekly and monthly basis (I have a 2 yr old, and I currently spend about $750-800/month on him, excluding what's taken out of my paycheck for health benefits. Most of that is for a private preschool/daycare, though).
Now, the reason I said to only add up a budget based on your finances, if that's possible, is because you're not married yet. So, except for child support, if you and your fiance break up (which I hope never happens), that's literally the *only* obligation he has to you to financially support the child. He has no legal obligation to give a penny more than what's required of the child support--and believe me, child support can be pathetically meager in many situations.
But also add up a budget based on both of your finances. He's going to be responsible too. Just make sure that you're prepared for the worst (I know that sounds bad, but bad things happen, and usually when you least expect them to).
Now, as for fearing being a mother, it comes naturally in almost all cases. What women doesn't have any hint of anxiety with her first child? It's a big step. You're talking about having a responsibility for a life for at least 18 years, if not more. And it's kinda scary when you know you don't want to fail your own child in any way because they are one of the most important people in the world to you and depend on you for so much.
But if you really want a child, face the fear. Once you hold your baby in your arms, you know it will all be worth it.
Prepare by going to parenting classes, going to labor and delivery classes, breastfeeding classes (if you consider that), reading books and observing other parents with their kids.
When it comes down to it, though, the fear and anxiety of being a parent gives way to more confidence with the more knowledge you obtain, and when you have the baby and actually experience being a parent.
Best wishes to you both, whatever you and your fiance decide!
I think I know how you feel. I have a close family member who is having a lot of infertility issues right now, and watching the pain she and her husband are going through scares the hell out of me. I think you should have a talk with your fiance. In addition, since there is a history of medical issues in your family, I would make sure to keep your gyno appointments. Maybe you can even talk to your gyno about your concerns. It sounds to me your fear is not about being a mother, its about the fear of not having the opportunity to be a mother based on your family medical history. Definitely talk about your concerns with your fiance and your doctor. Good luck!
Barn Babe, I absolutely agree with you about Wal-Mart--I hate the store and avoid shopping there at all costs, unless there's some emergency purchase I need to make and that's the only place to go on the spur of the moment, seeing as they have practically everything.
The only reason I suggested going to Wal-Mart (please note that I DID NOT advise her to *buy* anything there) was to add up basic costs on necessary items. Wal-Mart offers low prices on generic stuff, and nearly regular prices on name brand stuff. The poster could go there and find practically EVERYTHING she'll need to supply for a baby, and take a calculator. This way, she can get a basic AVERAGE cost of baby stuff in ONE STOP. But she does not need to buy anything there if she so chooses.
You've got at least 10 healthy childbearing years ahead of you. You don't say why your mother and sibs had hysterectomies. Plus if you miss your window with getting pregnant, you can always adopt. How does your partner feel about having a kid? Or have even discussed it with him yet? Maybe he's not ready psychologically for it.
I would refrain from shopping at Wal-Mart if you can possibly help it. Contributing to the trade deficit by purchasing cheap Chinese-made **** isn't helping the economy, and Wal-Mart's business, environmental, and labor practices have been devastating to local economies, plus they treat their workers like sh*t. I wouldn't set foot in a Wal-Mart (I don't even think there is one here in San Francisco), and I would only support somebody shopping at one if there are absolutely no other choices available. Saving a buck in the short term has longer-term consequences that can ripple throughout the society, both socially and economically. Wal-Mart is responsible for the destruction of small and local businesses everywhere they locate, and people are starting to fight back against this corrupt company. Wal-Mart's political donations are exclusively to Republicans, so you might want to take that into consideration as well.
I know ACHE means well, but she missed the boat on this one, too. Yikes.
My fiance and I have decided we want to have a.child of our own. The past couple weeks I have been very bloated and feeling very nauseous. I have been having low back pains and leg cramps when I get up in the morning. I have been noticing that I have been getting more frequent headaches and milky discharge as well. My fiances smoke has been bothering me. And I lose my temper a lot easier than normal. I have yet to miss my period, but I'm curious. Do you think I could be pregnant.
Pls help I had protected sex on june the 25th with a girl and it was only once.. And she has a new boyfriend she had sex on July the 10th with him which she told me.. And she's 20 weeks pregnant can this baby be mine pls say nooo...
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