recovering from cheating

[questions01010]

How long do you guys think that it will take me to recover from having a boyf for 3 years who I was very much in love with then finding out that he had had another girlfriend the whole time who he lied to me about seeing most weekends and him instantly deciding that as she is more fun, better looking etc that he was going to choose her? Been 6 months so far and things still seem quite raw. For a variety of reasons, I have no one to tell.
Any ideas on likely timelines.  

[questions01010]

Thanks everyone.
I guess that you are right, but they stil have each other and enjoy spending time together and have a happy future planned out as a couple.
She may never 100% trust him again but many men cheat and at least she knows he chose her.
I guess he came out of this best, then her and me who will never ever forget this horrific experience. I may trust again but I think that for a long time I will finish relationships with anyone I like ver yquickly as if I were to stay with him I would always be wondering whne he too would find someone better.
I have the play the hand God dealt me, but some of you post on here a lot and have you ever read a more calculated and hurtful betrayl??

[Judy246]

Well said teko and it will be a matter of time that he will probably cheat on her too (Karma!).

[teko]

She may get the temporary uplift of feeling chosen over you, but in the longrun the truth will slap her in the face. She is the unlucky one and if she does not realize that yet, she will in time. Actually does it not make her seem pitiful to have been chosen by a cheating, lying poor excuse of a man? I think it does. If he did it to you, he will do it to her. Just a matter of time. You are the lucky one here. I am not making light of the pain you feel but you will come to see this with time. Hang in there! Your future looks bright, hers not so much.

[Judy246]

I promise that this will all catch up with them sooner or later, so do consider yourself luck that he will never hurt you again, but you can't live your life wondering what they think, feel, etc. or you will make yourself crazy. Start making a plan for you and put your needs and wants ahead of what has happened. They are not worth your thoughts, pain or tears. Put them where they belong, in the past behind you.

[mami1323]

She probably does feel good at first but then she will go through the emotions and she will probably never trust him ever again.  They will have a long road ahead of them.  He was dishonest to you both so she's left with all the questions.  You are the lucky one in the situation because you were able to get away from him.  You may not feel like that now but you will in time.

[questions01010]

Hi - I would also like to understand how you think that she is feeling too. He has said that she feels really good to be chosen! Incidentally we are all in our 30/40s so not kids.

To those commenting already thanks, we are no longer in any contact and he is certainly not going to be taken back if he were ever to change his mind although he doesnt think that!