relationship help..

[gamerdude1905]

Ive never done this before but I need help with a g/f problem.  My girlfriend and I have been together for 8 months now and I love her with all my heart and would do anything for her until lately because how she has been treating me. I met her at work and instantly fell in love. After talking to her I found out she already had 5 kids and just got out of a marriage.  I have been working hard to make her kids part of my life but its kinda hard because I came from having no kids to having 5 kids that is wild and disrespectful. We all have been through a lot together. She has recently got a new job making a lot more money then I was making so we decided for me to quit my job and just watch her kids because it would be cheaper to do that for us in the long run then for me to keep driving over an hour away for work and getting sent home all the time and cheaper then her sending her kids to day care.  Recently her mood had changed and has gotten mean to me and her own kids to the point of putting everyone down and calling everyone names. yesterday we went out and watched fireworks for the 3rd of july and she decided she was going to by a bottle of liquor by the way she drinks more then a normal person and decided to drink the whole bottle and get drunk while we was in public and decided she was going to take everyone out on me and her kids.  well my real question is I really don't wanna leave her, I know that makes me to be a stupid guys for dealing with all of them, but what should I do. I tryied talking it out but it just bothers her that I share my feeling.  need some advice.

[Londres70]

I am still confused about why you gave your job up so easy.  Did you not like your job or do you not want to work?  Just seems odd that someone would give up his livelihood so easy for a woman he has only been involved with for 8 months to stay at home and take care of her children.

[Londres70]

You should really consider trying to get your old job back or finding another one ASAP.  Jobs are difficult to come by these days and I wouldn't throw one away for anyone so quickly.

[Londres70]

You sure have given up a lot in a short period of time.  

"I tryied talking it out but it just bothers her that I share my feeling."............If she isn't open to talking about things that are bothering you then that says a lot.

I know you love her, but does she value and love you just the same or is she just using you as a convenience?  Someone to watch the children and deal with them?  Cook and clean?

If she is making more money then let her pay for childcare using that money and you can go back to work.  Where is their father?  Is he not involved with the children?

AND now, she is nasty and drinking?  

I wouldn't jeopardize my career/work for a nasty, verbally abusive women with 5 wild children.  You would have to be a saint or a martyr to consider this as an ideal relationship.

You might love her, but do you really need this?  Loving someone doesn't mean you should stay if the relationship is obviously unhealthy and not good for your well-being.  Sounds like you are getting the short end of the stick and you know it.

If you do decide to stay, you need to be putting BOUNDARIES in place and sticking to them.

[specialmom]

Hi there and welcome.  Sorry for the situation and it DOES sound hard and troubling.  Is she a functioning alcoholic?  I'm picturing a mom who has a holiday with her kids and she decides to spend it wasted while with them.  This is disturbing and to me indicates she may have a drinking problem. THAT is something that has to be dealt with.  Alcoholism is progressive and will get worse over time.  She will become very angry if you talk to her about it.  That is the normal pattern of someone with a drinking problem.  But it is damaging her kids let alone taking a toll on you while this issue is ignored.

I know you don't want to leave her.  But it has only been 8 months to have such extreme issues.  It's a lot to deal with early on.  

I also want to say that is this best for YOU to be a stay at home person?  These aren't your kids and they sound like there are challenges in their care that are stressful to you.  The other thing to think about is your resume.  As a stay at home mom, I can tell you that explaining your gaps in employment is burdensome when trying to get a good job.  I would consider staying with her but letting her know that you need your own job outside of the home.  And then find one.  No matter what it is, it doesn't make sense for you to give up your career at THIS stage of dating. Things could go bad and then what do you have . . .   but gaps on your resume.

Plus, it is too stressful.  

Try to talk to her about the drinking and her behavior towards you and the kids.  It's NOT okay.  She needs to hear you on this and change it or honestly, I fear for her kids AND you.

good luck