Ex-BF Ex-wife calling me

[kris123]

Ok, I left my ex-bf and I'm 33w pregnant and having a C-Section on June 14.  The thing is my BF ex-wife calls me to ask how I am doing - is this odd or what - I'm not sure how to handle this.  She has two kids by him but they have show no intrest in this baby but she has and went as far as to ask if she could buy him something.  Then she asked if she could come to the hosptial - I told her it might not be a good idea because for some reason butthole wants to be there.  So he also told her not to come.  She knows how he is and she had to put up with him for 15years I only got about 1 1/2 of him.  It is good to talk to her?

[kris123]

Yup!!  This guy is crazy and so is his ex-wife - I have put in my distance and making a new life for my family.  Granted I'm living with my parents with my daughter and baby to come but at least I'm safe, happy, and they love me.  Hopefully I can find a place within the next year - even if I have to rent

[barn babe]

I'm astonished at how many toxic in-laws  and ex-partners lurk around in people's lives. It's unbelievable.

If I even get a whiff of some family member or ex-partner negatively "satelliting" around my relationship, I'd put my foot down with my partner. I'm not one to give out ultimatums in relationships, but the kind of shite I'm reading about on these forums with these psychotic in-laws  and partners who are mama's boys and whatever would make me want to throw the guy under the bus. It's ridiculous how much people put up with in the name of "having a relationship."

[kris123]

I know.  I was just a little shocked that he asked me if he could be there since he has backed away complete from this whole thing.  I gave up trying to understand and started my life getting ready for my baby with my family.  We are all excited.  I told my sis that he wanted to come and she said why??  Now he wants a say in the name - nope I giving my son my last name and naming him what I want.  He has not help with my medical bills but I got everything to gather to go to court.  I just don't think he needs to be there he caused me enough stress alrealy,

[misscloey]

Hey Kris, Congratulations on your pregnancy. I say that if you don't know her true intentions then you should just worry about you, your baby and your family. It seems a little odd that she wants to be buddies with you.I can understand the sibling aspect of it, but if that is the case she and those children will be around in the future. Why stress yourself over this now? Just enjoy this last month of pregnancy and ignore her calls.I think if you really listen to your "gut instinct" you will know if it is wise or not to involve yourself with her.      

[anxiousmomtobe?]

Only let the ex-bf in the room if that is what you want.  You don't even have to tell him you are in labour if you don't want to.

As for his ex, her intentions may be good or they may be vile.  I would keep a friendly distance and time will tell.

I am glad your family is so supportive.  I have been following all your posts and I am happy you are doing so well.  You have managed to create a life for yourself against all odds.

[Trialanderror]

Kris, by everything you wrote about this "extended family" before, I would say keep all of them at bay and rather focus on having trustworthy and caring people around you. You do not need support and friendship from anyone who was distant and erratic and abusive before or spent 15 years in that environment as a wife of the abuser. All his ex-wife may have to offer is to whine about him unisono. Sounds like trouble to me. That`s the last thing you need with a new baby. Or she may feel close to the unborn baby because obviously it has part of the same gene pool as hers. But with the recent history I feel it is not much about your well-being. Look forward and find a brighter path. Good luck with the impending birth.

[kris123]

I know that is what i think.  I don't answer the calls anymore.  There is just sometimes in life that you just have to say ok these people are people I just don't deal with - she is one of them.  My baby may no get know his father's family, but that's ok to me because he has a great one on my side.  I think living with my parents right now is good for me because they both need the help and I think it will make them happy - maybe not all the noise :-)  My mother is in a wheel chair and my father is not so good his self, so at least I can help them pay some of the house bills and by the food.  They got so many medical bills anyway! At this point I can care less if my son ever meets his other half brother and sister.  He will have a half sister at home that will love and help take care of him.

[mami1323]

I agree with Rock Rose, if you don't want him there than he doesn't need to be there.  He has no obligation to that child until it is breathing it's first breath of air.  He has no rights in that delivery room, and since you will be under an enormous amount of stress as is giving birth, the less you get from him there the better.  You need people in the room that are going to be supportive and since he really didn't want this baby in the first place than I would not allow him to take part in that special moment.  Good luck and try to surround yourself with trustworthy people.  

[RockRose]

kris,  you have total say who gets to be in the delivery room.  

Since you don't want your boyfriend "butthole" there (and you'll probably call him worse things when you're in labor) all you have to do is tell the attending nurse you don't want him there and she won't let him in.

[2om2om]

she may be a coniving old witch, but she prolly reals knows what a big let down ur gonna go through, she prolly already knows how hard it is gonna be for u , and u say she had 15 years with him maybe u came along and r exactly what she needs sum one who will undeerstand, cuz putting up with a druggy who gave u to kids he dosent take care of is hard. I mean has she been crazy before u got knocked up, where they together when u and him got together... i need to know, she prolly feels really bad for u cuz u got knocked up by a druggy and left by him cuz u got knocked up, and he prolly dosent want her there cuz he knows she will try and talk sum sence into u to leave and never turn aground, really u should cut ur slef off from him and then u and ur baby move in with his ex and her two kids then u guys will all get along her kids will like u and ur baby will know it's family....Just a thought i mean u both got a baby by a dead beat dad right

[PlateletGal]

I agree with the poster above and the main thing here IS the children.

[jd1419]

Maybe she knows that you are not going to get the support you deserve from the ex--and would like to be there since she has ben through this with  him.  If you do not feel totally uncomfortable with her--I would say develop a friendly relationship--at least this way your little one may get the bragging to his half siblings he deserves when he is born--and she may just encourage a relationship between all.  It never hurts to have people who support you through the decisions.

[kris123]

She says she is just concerned on my well being - I don't know.  Their children never really took to me.  My Ex has a drug problem.

[shishka]

Do you think she is trying to be in good terms with you, so her children and your child can have relationship? Just a thougt.