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should i leave my husband
I am in such a dilemma...my husband and i have ben married for almost 2 yrs...we have 2 boys together...a few months ago he asked me while we were having sex if i would do it with another man and let him watch...mi immediate thought was is he bisexual?....i got so mad and told him no; he says that he was jus playing but sometimes when we are doing it i ask him again and yes it turns him on crazily...i feel so used and unappreciated bcuz as a child i was molested and its hard for me to jus hav sex with random men and for my husband to want me to do that i jus couldnt believe it...well i met someone 8 mnths ago online not a dating web site more like a game web site but u can chat also...i wasnt lookn for anything but confiding in someone i ddnt kno was a relief for me bcuz he ddnt judge me and he was always there to give good advice...well recently we jus exchanged numbers and i really like him we talk about everything and im not stupid i wont fly somewher and meet som random guy and we will hav to meet in a public place...anyways i really like him this is the 1st time i stepd out on mi husband idk wat i should do i love them both but im so tired of mi husband talkn to diff. girls on websites saying he will eat p**** and constantly on pornhub...im not insecure but somtimes he makes me feel that way...idk wat to do...#suchamess
Well, he can be a "great" father divorced as well if he just stinks as a husband. Stay if you want to work this out with him not because he is a "great" father. Plus, you will have your work cut out for you dealing with someone who is a sex addict. He will NEED professional help for that. I don't think a "great" father would be doing this kind of behavior as this is NO role model material for the children.
Secondly, if you do decide to leave NOW you must be in a position financially NOW to do this. You are basing your plan on things that are yet to come, i.e. becoming a physician. Trust me, I work in the medical field and the money doesn't come "rolling" in automatically. Plus, you will still have to pass a medical board to get your license to practice. This all doesn't happen in 1,2,3, done; takes time to establish yourself as a physician. Don't plan on that being "speedy" because it won't be. Your two more years with actually be 4 years or more years.
Your statement...."and technically it would have to go on for awhile (the abuse from both parties) for my kids to be emotionally scarred"......Sounds like all this has been going on long enough to affect them in some negative manner. They shouldn't even be subjected to this ONE DAY or ONE minute as this is NOT fair that they should live in this.
I would recommend focusing on finishing med school, forgetting about this guy you have been having an emotional affair with and sorting the rest out with a PROFESSIONAL therapist in regards to your marriage. Even if he doesn't want to go, that doesn't mean you CAN'T.
Secondly, if you do decide to leave NOW you must be in a position financially NOW to do this. You are basing your plan on things that are yet to come, i.e. becoming a physician. Trust me, I work in the medical field and the money doesn't come "rolling" in automatically. Plus, you will still have to pass a medical board to get your license to practice. This all doesn't happen in 1,2,3, done; takes time to establish yourself as a physician. Don't plan on that being "speedy" because it won't be. Your two more years with actually be 4 years or more years.
Your statement...."and technically it would have to go on for awhile (the abuse from both parties) for my kids to be emotionally scarred"......Sounds like all this has been going on long enough to affect them in some negative manner. They shouldn't even be subjected to this ONE DAY or ONE minute as this is NOT fair that they should live in this.
I would recommend focusing on finishing med school, forgetting about this guy you have been having an emotional affair with and sorting the rest out with a PROFESSIONAL therapist in regards to your marriage. Even if he doesn't want to go, that doesn't mean you CAN'T.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Dear, you are flirting around on the internet, exchanging numbers with a guy you really like. How is that going to help you work this out?
Well i honestly appreciate your opinion...but i have to add that my kids will be just fine...financially they will be great because im in med school, and i only have two years left...now as for the situation with me and my husband....lol im not that stupid to let it go on for that long...and technically it would have to go on for awhile (the abuse from both parties) for my kids to be emotionally scarred...No, I do have things planned out before i leave that's one reason why i haven't left yet....ijs everyone has situations and before i act out my actions i need advice...i never been in this situation before...but regardless of the fact i will be a good mother...and by all means, if it is unhealthy to my children and I; we will leave, that's has never been a factor...and i guess i should add that he is an absolutely great father, but not much of a great husband....lol i know that he doesn't respect me by wanting me to do these things with these men...but that is why i'm torn between the two?....should i stay because he's a great father, and try to work things out?...or should i leave?....idk but its a mess that can be fixed #thanku
COMMUNITY LEADER
Am agreeing with the two wise ladies above. Completely.
I do think that some men can certainly have fantasies and want to 'talk' about them with their partner. They are turn ons in their head (and honestly, wanting to watch their wife have sex with someone else is a common fantasy and doesn't indicate bisexuality)-------- and to me, that is lesser of an issue than emotional attachments you both make on the internet. Ugh.
good luck. Listen to Londres and Tinkerbell. What they said.
I do think that some men can certainly have fantasies and want to 'talk' about them with their partner. They are turn ons in their head (and honestly, wanting to watch their wife have sex with someone else is a common fantasy and doesn't indicate bisexuality)-------- and to me, that is lesser of an issue than emotional attachments you both make on the internet. Ugh.
good luck. Listen to Londres and Tinkerbell. What they said.
You summed this scenario VERY well when You signed "#such a mess"
This sounds like a "free for all" to me and I don't see how it could turn out well on anyone's behalf !! - Your solution to this sounds as bizarre as what Your Husband wants, but, that being said, I'm at a loss to understand what Your question is here !!
I will say I'm sure worried about Your 2 Little Children !! - #suchamess for them to try to grow up around !!!!
This sounds like a "free for all" to me and I don't see how it could turn out well on anyone's behalf !! - Your solution to this sounds as bizarre as what Your Husband wants, but, that being said, I'm at a loss to understand what Your question is here !!
I will say I'm sure worried about Your 2 Little Children !! - #suchamess for them to try to grow up around !!!!
To add: If you decide to leave, will you be able to financially support yourself and two children? You MUST have a plan in mind BEFORE leaving.
Personally, I would have been running for the hills; that's me. This would have been a total "deal breaker" for me.
Personally, I would have been running for the hills; that's me. This would have been a total "deal breaker" for me.
Hmmm....WOW. The whole situation from both parties (you and your husband) sound EXTREMELY unhealthy. Secondly, I don't condone emotional or physical affairs. It is apparent you are having an emotional affair with this other guy. What is concerning is that you state you "love" this guy too and you have NEVER met him? How can you "love" some "random guy" as you call him? How does that work? Sorry, this is NOT rational at all in my opinion. I don't think it is "love" that you are feeling for this other man.
This "so called" husband and this obsession with sex, well....he sounds like he is a sex addict. Doesn't sound like he was "just playing" about wanting you to have sex with another man in front of him. Plus, he is on websites saying he will do "this and that" to other women? Are you kidding me? To add insult to injury he is WELL aware that you have a past history with molestation and he is STILL doing and saying these AWFUL things to you. This ISN'T about him making you feel "insecure; this IS about him NOT respecting you AT ALL.
May I ask was he like this when you first met him?
It is apparent and ideal you both should be seeking counselling to help you all sort this out, however, if your husband doesn't see any problem with his behavior, then he probably won't want to be doing any therapy. In that case, you DEFINITELY need to seek help for yourself as I wouldn't recommend getting involved with ANOTHER man to solve things and this will only make things WORSE.
Your statement...."anyways i really like him this is the 1st time i stepd out on mi husband idk wat i should do i love them both but im so tired of mi husband talkn to diff. girls on websites saying he will eat p**** and constantly on pornhub...im not insecure but somtimes he makes me feel that way...idk wat to do...#suchamess" This is TOTALLY disturbing. If you are "tired" then SEEK better alternatives THAN HAVING AN AFFAIR. Frankly, I would be sick to my stomach if my husband was doing this to me and he wouldn't be doing it for long I can tell you.
Have some self-respect for you and think about your children. Get professional help with this.
Did you get any counselling ever in regards to your molestation as a child?
This "so called" husband and this obsession with sex, well....he sounds like he is a sex addict. Doesn't sound like he was "just playing" about wanting you to have sex with another man in front of him. Plus, he is on websites saying he will do "this and that" to other women? Are you kidding me? To add insult to injury he is WELL aware that you have a past history with molestation and he is STILL doing and saying these AWFUL things to you. This ISN'T about him making you feel "insecure; this IS about him NOT respecting you AT ALL.
May I ask was he like this when you first met him?
It is apparent and ideal you both should be seeking counselling to help you all sort this out, however, if your husband doesn't see any problem with his behavior, then he probably won't want to be doing any therapy. In that case, you DEFINITELY need to seek help for yourself as I wouldn't recommend getting involved with ANOTHER man to solve things and this will only make things WORSE.
Your statement...."anyways i really like him this is the 1st time i stepd out on mi husband idk wat i should do i love them both but im so tired of mi husband talkn to diff. girls on websites saying he will eat p**** and constantly on pornhub...im not insecure but somtimes he makes me feel that way...idk wat to do...#suchamess" This is TOTALLY disturbing. If you are "tired" then SEEK better alternatives THAN HAVING AN AFFAIR. Frankly, I would be sick to my stomach if my husband was doing this to me and he wouldn't be doing it for long I can tell you.
Have some self-respect for you and think about your children. Get professional help with this.
Did you get any counselling ever in regards to your molestation as a child?
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