If I leave my parents forever would they have heartbreak?

[sleepmonster]

I'm full grown adult. but to my parents I would be always a child to them.
Anyway....

I've never been a proud daughter to them. I'm still not a proud daughter, kind of in pathetic situation.

I know they love me. They were cruel to me many times but also very nice to me sometimes. Confusing...

It's just, they say to me I'm a disappointment to them and they feel hopeless in this family. (My brother is psychotic housebound. so, worth situation including my brother.)

Sometimes I feel like just to vanish.
Well, If I mention suicide you're all gonna jump into this post saying 'do not attempt blah blah, life is worth blah blah..' so, let's just say I'll just leave my family and get into some facility or care home for people have problems.
I mean, vanishing, not even telling my family where I'm going.

Just disappearing.

Would my parents get over it?
They're in their sixties... They know I and my brother are hopeless for anything, my mom already told me my brother is incapable of anything so she'll take care of him till he becomes fifty.

My big brother was always their apple of an eye. He never achieved or tried anything, never did anything good for my parents, he is completely selfish and sometimes even violent to my parents, but some unknown reason my parents love him way much more than me.
They admit that I've been way better child than him, they said to me 'You were great daughter compared to your brother, you didn't bother us with school problems or any trouble(except frequent illness).'
But still and always they love my brother way more than me. I don't know reason but I gave up on trying figuring out.

And they love our puppy than me. I mean it. When i had severe panic attack and couldn't breathe(physically couldn't breathe because of heartbeat rate, not just panic), my father said 'call a cab and go to hospital yourself. don't bother me!'. ....But when our puppy showed some respiratory symptoms, my father grab her and drove his car like crazy. i'm not worth than a puppy to him.

My mom takes care of me better than my dad, actually she is very nice many times, but she's been also very cruel and hysterical from I was young, I'm afraid when would her rage burst come out again. it's like walking on thin ice.

I guess leaving them is also good for them.  for their finance and wasted time.

I don't have child. Never married. i don't know what is it like losing children or never can see them.

I saw several people who are very cruel and cold to their own child, and my parents have some coldness too.

I wonder, if I disappear or die,
I guess MY parents would get over it. From the childhood, whenever I was sick or hurt, they were kind of... they always had some air of transcendence, like death or illness is a part of life...
When I stumble and scrape my knee, my mom glanced at me and said 'wash it and go out play'. That was it. Never asked me 'are you OK?'
Of course they care about me when I show life threatening symptoms. But until then, they are very cold and distant.

What i'm wondering is,
if you have children,

if i leave my parents for EVER, what would they feel?
I don't hate them anymore. I just want to leave them. and I love them so I am asking this.
I'm tired of being an disappointing daughter and living with them like I'm a parasite.

I'm a parasite living under their care though I'm helping their business and mom needs me to take care of house things, but with my illness it's becoming more difficult every day. I'll end up sucking their blood and maybe mom would get cancer because of taking care of me.

I think it's best i leave them.
But what i wonder is... what is it like losing child when they are sixties.... If they've lost me when I was baby it would be a heartbreak sorrow but now I'm old and useless and not sweet anymore. They watched me growing enough and we're getting old together.

Now if I disappear, would it be endurable I guess?

You know what, I'm useless, can't support them, whenever they look at me I can see disappointment in their eyes, i want to disappear.

I just wanna know.

[nursegirl6572]

If I may ask, what keeps you housebound?  Is it a panic disorder and agoraphobia?  That's what it really sounds like.  If so, what kind of help have you gotten?  You DONT have to live like this.  I too was housebound for brief spells due to panic disorder, but I forced myself to get professional help, and I'm now married with two kids, and while I still deal with anxiety in my life, I'm not a prisoner in my home anymore.

Instead of feeling like you should disappear, why not try to start fighting to get your life back?  Is that possible?  I don't know what all you're dealing with, but it sure sounds like panic attacks are a huge part of what is debilitating you...and thopse ARE manageable.

Best of luck to you.

[Nighthawk61]

Honey I shouldn't have asked where you live on this thread at least, for anonymity purposes. I've thought about your post, further, and it got me to thinking, so I'll private message you.

[Nighthawk61]

I'm sorry life is so hard, just to survive where you live, without benefits. Please tell us where you live?

[sleepmonster]

Hey thx for reply,

I'm embarrassingly old, so i won't tell you haha....

My parents are of course retired already and having hard time taking care of their full grown adult kids.
I wish I work full time by myself and want to help them financially but I'm half housebound with several illness. I manage helping my parents at store, and I'm capable of many things, but this housebound thing locked me inside I can't start anything new.

In my town(or in my whole country) there is no caseworker system for people like me(I look normal, besides several hidden(?) illness), therapy costs too much money, my bank account is empty, I'm killing my parents financially already.

I'm not disabled enough(?) to get social help, even if I chop one of my leg there is no social system to help me in my town.

I'm living under my parents roof, sucking their blood, and I'll end up like my brother doing nothing and rotting inside house. Before that time comes, It'd be best for my parents and me I leave this planet.

Now is working time so I can't write longer, I'll answer your message later,
I really appreciate your kind concern thank you.

[sleepmonster]

I'm half housebound. I was fully housebound for couple of years ago, but my parents forced me out of house at least for working hours. and my big brother threatened me to go out and earn some money. (He doesn't earn any money. I described him in other post as psychopathic selfish housebound lazy....let me stop here)

When I was fully housebound in my parents home I helped house chores and simple errands. Of course before this, I lived like other people going out to work and lived by myself, I loved living alone and I even traveled world,

But suddenly mental and physical illness broke out,
Now I have serious phobias and several problems, doctors can't tell exactly what's wrong with me. Panic attack alone made me housebound but I have other several symptoms.

Actually I agree there aren't any 'home' for people like me. I saw an artist who starved to death because she was not actually disabled so couldn't get support with anything.

Maybe only option left for me is leaving this planet.

[sleepmonster]

Thx for you reply,

Anyway I'm half housebound, can't leave home more than limited hours, can't stay somewhere people are packed (I have several phobia and mental and physical illness)

I hope I can find some facility for people like me though there is not much hope...

I don't want to hurt my family either, but sometimes I just want to vanish. It's not that I don't love them, now we are all tired of each other...

Thx anyway.....

[sleepmonster]

Thanks you for your reply,

I'm half housebound with my illness so I can't leave them easily physically, that's why I mentioned facility or something...

Anyway, years ago I have lived like what you said--living alone but having contact with my parents--but now it's really hard. Can't leave my parents' house but don't want to live like this.

But what you said is kinda helping. Will they get sweeter as they get older? I thought they are already so old........

Sadly my problem is I'm getting colder as I get older....

[Nighthawk61]

Hi SleepMonster,

I'm so sorry that you're feeling so badly. You haven't said how old you are, but I'm thinking that it's natural to move away from your parents and start a life of your own.

Your parent's are just about at retirement age now, so maybe they are getting stressed and worried about what's going to happen to both you and your brother when they're not around anymore. It seems to me that, although they would miss you and your brother, they might feel a lot better if the process is started to find a forever home for both their beautiful kids, you know?

Do you have a caseworker honey, that can help you? You need to talk about your feelings and find a way to a happier life for yourself, that's all. It happens to all of us, and please don't worry too much about making a change.

This isn't a case of you disappearing honey, this is a case of you finding a better living arrangement for yourself, that's all. It may sound too huge for you to think about, and that's why you need the support of a case worker and a therapist, hopefully.  You need to be able to talk about your feelings.

Can you tell us please, if you have a case worker that you talk to? We'd love to help if we can, but we need to know this information. Do you receive money that pays for your rent and food by the state? Please talk to us. We're here for you and you don't have to deal with this alone.

Please honey, have FAITH that you can find a place where you can feel happy, okay? You reached out here, and you can do that some more right? Please answer this post. I'm worried about you honey.

Big Hugs, Liz from Burlington Ontario Canada. Yeah it's very cold up here right now, I'm going to leave you a message, in case you don't get to read this, and I look forward to saying "Hello" to you in this private message.

[RockRose]

I don't know your situation,  sleepmonster,  and why you aren't working and supporting yourself.

If you're helping with the business and taking care of the household chores, it seems you are employable in some capacity.

There aren't "homes" or care facilities that are free for people who can take care of themselves,  so it's unlikely you could find a facility like you describe.

But I do have this to offer.  I'm kind of "in to" disappearing people,   and am greatly interested in and supportive of agencies like NAMUS and other agencies for missing adults.  I can tell you this - if you vanished without a trace law enforcement would be looking for you for years and it would kill your parents.

When loved ones vanish,  it leaves a trail of excruciating pain.

[specialmom]

Hi there.  Well, for the good side of your parents that love you, don't do anything that would be cruel to them.  Their harshness to you does not need to be matched with the same.

Instead, if you formulate a plan to live independently of them in a facility or group home---  make the plans to do so and then let them know what is happening.  You are an adult and it is your choice in these matters.

Adults do go on to live the life they want away from their parents even when the parents are not fully ready for that change.  So, go ahead and do as you desire without hurting them in the process by handling it the wrong way.  good luck

[Life360_Dave]

Hi Sleepmonster, i would not take it to that extreme. Your parents should be part of your life but what your explaining seems to me to  be to much a part. It really dosent matter what they think about you in the big picture of things. Just go live your life and keep communication with your family at a minimum for now.
Your parents are not proud of you because you have not acheived what they wanted you to. My parents are the same. When things are good for me, the rave to their friends how proud they are and when things are not so good, they opposite happens.
Now that my mother is 90 years old, she shows love to me no matter whats going on and is proud now just to have me as her son.

The same will happen with you. Your parents are still very young and the older they get with thoughs of death looming, they will show more love for you also.