Feeling guilty as hell after a moment of madness?

[justaguy81]

Need some advice, I've been with my GF for hmm 13 years now, she was my first and only GF and same for her.  Any recently I became friends with someone on facebook who added me randomly, I suppose I was kind of flattered as I never had much luck with women.  Anyway she suggest me meet up, I stupidly did, after a bit of fumbling/feeling/touching I got cold feet and back out, couldn't go through with the deed. Imediately I saw the error in my ways and deleted facebook.

Although nothing serious happened I've been feeling guilty as hell since, I can't eat, can't sleep and this is all I can think about.

As I say I've never done anything like this before and never will again, my heads now all over the place though with guilt and worry, what do I do?

[Nighthawk61]

Since you backed out knowing it was so wrong, and deleted facebook, and have such a high regard for your wife, knowing what you know about how she would process the information, i would say no, don't tell her. (I'm just concerned that she may be in the company of your high school friends through reunions or something)

If I were you, I would do something , initiate something new into your own relationship to keep it vibrant. Another date night, joint hobby etc. I'm insisting on a family size canoe with an outboard motor to spice up my own relationship. You must forgive yourself for the mistakes that you made. Give yourself alot of credit that you did not go through with having sex. You still (in my opinion) should consider yourself faithful to your wife. Misguided (because you've had only one partner) perhaps by movies and television showing men in a different light than your personal journey. Give yourself a  break, and do some special things that will bring you and your wife even closer , if that's possible. I'm sorry you're feeling so much guilt. Since you weren't able to go through with it, i don't feel you deserve to suffer with huge guilt forever. Let it go and move on. Onward and Upward.

[Londres70]

FB..........uggg.  

I would be done with this and NEVER tell the gf.  

Why hurt her to relieve your guilt?

[specialmom]

Have you learned a major less on from this and will NEVER risk hurting her like this again???  

[justaguy81]

No don't think so.

[specialmom]

Could she find out if you didn't tell her?

[justaguy81]

Hi thanks for the reply, I kinda know she was from High School but never actually talked to her before, we have similar friends, it started through comments on others posts etc she then added me and we got chatting.

Yeah I was never good with women in that I was always nervous, could never ask them out, my GF was actually the one who did all the asking.  But yes I love her but having never been with another women I guess I got itchy feet.  

I just feel so alone, my GF is my rock, she is so strong unlike me. I know if I tell her it would kill her, we also have kids.

[specialmom]

Hi there.  Welcome.  Well, I'm glad you deleted facebook and realize that you want nothing to do with cheating.  Is this because you love your girlfriend?  You say you've never had much luck with women . . . but have been with the same woman over a decade . . .  which makes you sound pretty good with women to me.  :>)  

So, you touched, kissed, etc.  I do find it odd that this girl randomly friended you on facebook and you two got together and started right from there being physical.  You only got to ether that one time?  Maybe it is just me, but I think that is weird.  Doesn't seem to make sense to me.  

But anyway, in my opinion-----  you can A. tell your girlfriend.  Make it clear you deleted your face book account, view the whole thing as a mistake and have DEEP regret and then hope for the best.  OR, you can keep this to yourself.  If you keep it to yourself though, is there any chance she could find out?  

Guilt is something we all have to deal with for something we've done at one time or another.  Sometimes we transfer our guilt by unloading what we've done and it only just hurts the other person and makes us feel a little better.  if you are wanting to stay with your girlfriend, I almost wonder if it would be wrong to hurt her.  

anyway, it is your call.  Would I want to know?  Ugh.  I'm not sure.  It would definitely jeopardize my relationship with someone but then again, finding out later would make it worse.  

So, that's all I can really offer.  Sometimes we learn great lessons through mistakes.  good luck!