Do I Need Testing

[HJL413]

Dear Dr. Handsfield;

I have posted before regarding my fear of having contracted herpes from lap dances at strip clubs. I was always fully clothed, however, on certain occassions I believe the dancer's panties/g string were wet and I could feel this through my pant leg.

You advised I consult with a dermatologist if the itchy spots persist and you also asked that I not post on this topic again. I followed your advice, however, the information provided by the dermatologist has left me very confused and I hope you will permit this follow up question.

My symptoms are recurring small itchy spots on my right buttock. The spots have reoccurred on mutliple occassions going back to early Nov. 2005. The most recent occurrence started 7-8 days ago and has now resulted in a raw exczema patch covering the itchy spots aprroximately the size of a quarter.

I have been in a mutually monogamous relationship for nearly 16 years. My only potential exposure would be from the lap dances. I have attempted to let go of the herpes fear. I took your advice and consulted a dermatolgist who told me the area is now an exczema patch and he prescribed a cream. The dermatologist also told me to call him immediately when the spots come back as he is concerned it could be a herpes virus. This has left me scared and confused, thus this follow up question.

I told the dermatologist that my only exposure was from lap dances where I was always wearing pants. He told me that he always remains skeptical of things and wants to do a culture within 48 hours of the next time the spots appear.

I told the dermatologist that there have never been any blisters and fluid. He again told me he prefers to remain skeptical when offering a diagnosis and he wants to test when the spots appear again.

I asked the dermatologist directly if herpes can be contracted through clothing. He told me no and that if I was being honest I had nothing to worry about, however, the only way to know for sure is to test within 48 hours when the spots reappear.

I have put myself through emotional torture. I have spoken with a professional. I was starting to believe these were irrational fears. I am now not sure what to think.

In light of these circumstances I request that you offer guidance and advice. I want your opinion on whether it is safe to continue sexual relations with my wife. I would also like your opinion on whether I should undergo additional herpes testing and if a blood test is available so I don't have to keep watching to see if new spots develop. I have never had an outbreak on my penis and I am at a loss to understand if there is a real risk. As I stated in my original post I am feeling as I have jeopardized the sexual health of my wife and myself by getting lap dances.

I have told all of this to my wife and she is not concerned, however, I am spending a great deal of time worrying.

I thank you for considering my question.

[HJL413]

I have obtained the help of a counselor.

The best answer I can offer is that before I worked through the emotions, I had formulated a story of herpes in my mind that was driven significantly by raw emotions connected to the strip club lap dances. The fear of herpes was very real, however, as I explored the feelings things really started to become clear.

I am now feeling like I have been thrown for a loop by the comments of the dermatologist.

I have asked questions here as the reliable medical information provided by Dr. Handsfield is an excellent way to counter emotional based fear and emotional reasoning.

I look forward to Dr Handsfield's response to the questions I posed earlier today. I also appreciate the comments of Marriedlove and Monkeyflower. Thanks.

[HJL413]

Dear Dr. Handsfield:

I am most grateful that you responded to my question. I am doing everything possible to try and feel better.

I did consult with a counselor as the fears of herpes and other STD related to the strip club lap dance experiences all started well before I had any symptoms. It is more recent that the symptoms of recurrent itchy spots on my right buttock have appeared. The fears certainly started before the symptoms.

I was really starting to understand my feelings and get a handle on the emotions, however, the comments of the dermatologist have caused a significant setback for me. It is difficult to believe the dermatologist wouldn't listen to and accept my history before stating it might be herpes.

I am strongly considering contacting my Internest for a blood test if this is really necessary as I don't think continuing to monitor for additional itchy spots as suggested by the dermatologist is a great idea for me.

I have been experiencing these recurrent itchy spots at least 4 times going back to November, is this consistent with herpes. The current episode has resulted in this quarter sized red exczema patch lasting now 8 days. I have never had blisters. I have never had fluid. I have never had these itchy spots on my penis. I have never had these itchy spots anywhere other than on my right buttock. Is this pattern consistent with herpes.

As for your comments regarding sexual history, it has been more than 20 years that I have been in a mutually monogamous relationship with the woman who is now my wife. This fact and the emotions are why I continue to fear that I have contracted herpes from the lap dances I have described.

Thank you for your help and information. I will not continue to burden you with additional questions. If I decide to  obtain a blood test I will submit the results, if necessary, by starting a new thread with a new payment to Medhelp. Thanks again.

[marriedlove]

I'm glad the doc could offer so much reassurance, and I hope your symptoms resolve soon.  Hope you don't mind, but I'm curious:  exactly how did you go about introducing this topic to your wife?  I applaud you for coming clean, as it were (too often, wives either suspect something's up, but aren't sure what, or *know* what's up, but have to cope with a husband who prefers lying to truth telling, which is really hard on all aspects of the relationship, especially intimacy).  I just wonder how you did it!  You could be the poster boy for truth--a great role model for others.

marriedlove

[monkeyflower]

Can I ask why you're so concerned about this, when your wife isn't? It seems like usually it's guilt about possibly unknowingly transmitting a STD that triggers all this anxiety, but this is a little different. Your wife knows and isn't upset, and it was a harmless and safe activity anyway.

In any case, I think it might benefit you to consider counseling to help you get past this.

[HJL413]

Dear Marriedlove;

Thank you for your comments, however, I am not the poster child for anything other than a person whose emotions are running out of control. I worked very hard to understand my emotions and my feelings. As part of this process I found the answer that worked for my wife and myself. It is truly a non issue for my wife, however, my emotions are a different story. I am trying very hard to understand and accept Dr. Handsfield's analysis, however, the comments made by the dermatologist who examined me have caused me to worry that I did somehow contract herpes from the lap dance experiences.

I am grateful that my comments were helpful to you. It makes me feel better about sharing my questions in this forum.

[HJL413]

Dear Marriedlove;

Thank you for your comments, however, I am not the poster childfor anything other than a person whose emotions are running out of control. I worked very hard to understand my emotions and my feelings. As part of this process

[H. Hunter Handsfield, M.D.]

It sounds like your dermatologist approached you and the diagnosis with a mixture of compulsive thoroughness (test even for a remote possibility); worldliness, which he called skepticism (there are many patients who deny risky behavior than exaggerate it); and perhaps lack of understanding of your concerns, which might have seemed (or been) condescending.

My original advice holds:  you did not acquire herpes from any lapdance.  If you have herpes, you got it somewhere else.  If either you or your wife ever had another sex partner, anytime in your lives, that would be a much more likely explanation of herpes--if you had it--than the lapdance.  Another aspect is the inflated concern you have about herpes to begin with.  While nobody wants to get genital herpes, the effect if you were to infect your wife likely would be nil.  Your wife is right about this and you are wrong.

If despite all this evidence you continue to be concerned about herpes, I recommend you follow your dermatologist's advice and get examined within 24-48 hours if or when genital abrasions or similar symptoms reappear.  And yes, of course there is a herpes blood test; there have been innumerable threads about herpes diagnosis on this forum.  If not done, of course do it now.  I don't recommend these things because I think you have herpes (I don't), but because the likely negative results might help you get over this unfortunate obsession.

Finally, if not yet done, you should seriously consider seeing a mental health professional to help determine whether your elevated, unreasoned concern is evidence of a treatable emotional problem.  I suggest it out of compassion, not criticism.

Good luck-- HHH, MD