Regret for past events

[Pscb123]

Hi doctors, I am 30 year old male from the uk that has been in a long term relationship for the last 12 years.

In the period between the summer 2004 and 2008. I regrettably met 4 SW.

SW1(2004): I had protected vaginal sex, the condom felt abit loose, so she gave me unprotected oral. From this incident i was worried and abstained from having sex with my partner for 3 months. In this time I had tests for Chlam, Gon, Syph, HIV, HEPB. All came back negative, and i didnt have any symptoms. After this I carried on having unproceted sex with my partner.

SW2(winter 2005): I had protected oral sex and a handjob.
I had chlam/gon,syph,hiv tests carried out all negative.

SW3(summer2006): I had protected oral sex.

SW4(2008): I had protected oral/vaginal sex, and fear I may have touched my penis after removing the condom.

After this episode i abstained from sex with my gf for 3 months.  In this time I got tested for chlam/gon,syph,hiv,hepb all again came back negative. After the 3 months again we carried on our unprotected relationship.

I have not done anything like this since but as a result have developed severe anxiety. I have had further blood tests done a couple times in the last few years which have been negative.

Recently I have started thinking back and worrying about these events again. Around 2007 I remember having a painful rash on my palms that would come and go. Which after reading the web have found that this can be caused by syphilis. I am petrified now and worried that my tests might have been accurate and that I may have put my partner at risk. I feel like my life has come to an end. Could you tell me what I should do next?

[Edward W Hook, MD]

I suspect this is a reflection of your being in a "hyper sensitive" state and looking closer at your ejaculate than anything else. EWH

[Pscb123]

Thanks doctor, I have one last question. I have started counselling as you have suggested. Also I have been tested for chlam, gon, syphilis, HIV all came back negative.  

I have started to feel a bit better but I have recently masturbated, when ejaculating the semen looks normal (ie white). When cleaning up and getting the semen on a white tissue I have noticed that there is slight yellow tinge to the color. I'm not sure if this is what it's always like as I am paying more attention than normal.

I feel no pain on urination or have any unusual discharge

Does this sound normal?

Thank you

[Edward W Hook, MD]

Sorry for the delay.  If your rash had been due to syphilis, your follow-up blood test would have been positve.  A negative test provides proof that your rash was not due to syphilis.  

Your axiety is misplaced.  You would not have infected your partner and then cured yourself  before the test.  

You really need to figure out how to move forward from your guilt over what is, essentially, ancient history.  If you cannot, you should speak with a counselor.  EWH

[Pscb123]

I don't mean to chase, but I'm not sure if my followup question got missed.  I am super anxious at the moment.

Also just to clarify, the syphillis test was probably closer to 20 months after i did notice the palm rash. does that make a difference?  

Could it be possible to infect my partner and then cure myself before my test?  I am currently very scared and anxious about me and my partner and don't know what to do

[Pscb123]

Thanks Doctor.

After noticing the palm rash, I took my next syphilis test approx 12 months after, does that make a difference?  Could it be possible to infect my partner and then cure myself before my test?  I am currently very scared and anxious about me and my partner and don't know what to do.

[Edward W Hook, MD]

Welcome to our Forum.  I'll be pleased to comment and hope that my comments will help you to move past these events.  Even before we consider your test results, the facts are than most commercial sex workers do not have STIs, including HIV, that even most unprotected exposures to infected partners do not lead to infection, and that condom protected sex is safe sex.  Thus, even before the testing you had, your risk for HIV was miniscule.  

Since then, your repeated tests prove that you were not infected and should be believed. Currently available tests for STIS are highly reliable and any and all tests performed more than three months after an exposure should be considered definitive.

As for your palmar rash- you are correct that this may be a manifestation of syphilis but there are also many other causes of such rashes and if you had syphilis, your syphilis blood tests certainly would have been positive.

I urge you not to dwell on past missteps. The fact is that they were low risk and your subsequent testing has proven that you were not infected.  It is now time for you to move forward without concern.  I hope my comments will help you to do so. EWH