I will try to help, but these are complex questions and some of the answers are not certain.
However, the bottom line is this: You seem to have an unbalanced perspective about HPV and its health risks. I suggest you and your partner completely disregard HPV as an issue in your relationship. Neither of you is at signfiicant risk for a serious health outcome, either in the immediate or distant future; certainly whatever risk there might be is much too low to allow it to affect the development and maturing of a mutually rewarding sexual relationship.
Some basic facts about genital HPV are that everybody gets it from time to time; it is inevitable and essentially impossible to prevent, except that the vaccine protects against infection with the most troublesome HPV strains-- and you have already taken that step. As far as oral sex, HPV, and oral cancer, just forget it. HPV is infrequently transmitted by oral sex. And despite the media attention about oral cancer, it's not a big deal. In the entire US, there are only about 6,000 cases of oral or throat cancer per year that are due to HPV-16, the main genital type that has been implicated; and those occur almost exclusively in people age 50 and over. And it is not at all certain that those people acquired their oral HPV through oral sex. (If one of the articles that concerns you is the one by Dr. Bernadine Healy, former head of the NIH, please disregard it. Her article has been heavily criticized by HPV experts for its non-objective, inflammatory slant.)
To the specific questions:
1) There probably was never any risk of oral-genital HPV transmission between you and your partner. But if there was, there was no point in stopping, since any transmission probably woudl have occured the first few times you did it. Certainly there is no reason not to resume.
2) Since a former partner had an abnormal pap, you can assume you had a genital HPV infection back then. But HPV just about always goes away (without treatment) within a few months. There is no reason to assume you still are infected with that strain. And if you are, it's a good bet your partner is immune to it, from the vaccine. There is no reason not to have unprotected vaginal sex -- certainly no reason related to HPV.
3) It is unknown whether booster shots will be required for the HPV vaccine. The best data suggest it probably will not be necessary, but only time and further research will tell for sure.
In brief, please stop worrying about HPV. I hope this helps you do that.
HHH, MD
Thanks for the response...and the information is very helpful.
I definitely agree with you about the Healy article. I found the article way too "doom and gloom" and lacking some common sense.