Congratulations to your ex-partner. She behaved exactly as I counsel people, both in the STD clinic and on this forum: once an HPV infection has apparently cleared up (warts gone, abnormal pap cleared up), and a few months go by without recurrence, there is no need to inform future partners of the infection.
Unless she is your only lifetime partner, you should assume you already have been infected with HIV and will be infected again. Your question suggests that you (and perhaps your ex) assume that her newly positive HPV test is a recurrence of her previous infection. In fact, it is equally likely that it is a new infection--from you. Most people acquire HPV within their first 3-4 lifetime sex partners and 80-90% of us eventually become infected. Getting genital HPV is a normal, expected outcome of normal sexual behavior--essentially unavoidable. Most HPV infections are asymptomatic and never picked up on pap smears; so a partner who says she never had HPV is no safer as a sex partner than one who happened to have had a diagnosis.
So the bottom line is that it is likely your ex are sharing an HPV infection, that is you might have been infected. But it isn't certain; and if you have HPV, it is equally likely that you were infected first and transmitted to her, or that her prior infection recurred and you were exposed to that. Either way, you can expect to remain asymptomatic, and although you conceivably could be infectious for other partners at this time, by now your immune system might have eradicated it. There is no available test to know, and no treatment to give.
The rate of spontaneous resolution of HPV has been studied only for cervical infection in women. The average time is several months, but sometimes it takes a couple of years--longer for the highest risk types, such as HPV 16/18, shorter for other HPV types. It probably is the same for asymptomatic infection in men, but we don't know for sure. The 'strength' of one's immune system makes no difference.
For all these reasons, I believe you have no obligation to discuss this with future partners. The bottom line is that informing or not informing partners of HPV probably makes little or no difference, in the long run, that someone will acquire HPV or transmit it to others. This is why the new HPV vaccine is such an important development: no other prevention strategy is likely to work.
But one final comment: While you might not have a definitive ethical obligation to discuss this with future partners, your experience also shows it might be a good idea, from the standpoint of relationship development. You obviously were bummed out by your partner's failure to tell you about her HPV infection. While I believe she had no obligation to do that, perhaps it still would have been a good idea. The same might apply to you in future couplings, but that's a personal/relationship issue, not a medical one.
I understand that this all remains pretty 'soft'. There simply are no hard answers. But I hope this helps you put HPV into perspective.
Good luck-- HHH, MD
I am sure the doctor meant HPV and not HIV in the begining there!
Indeed, paragraph 2, sentence 1 should say HPV, not HIV. Thanks for picking up the typo.