worried about STD scared I may have Herpes

[Edrik11]

Hello Doctor.
I'd like to ask you a couple of questions after searching the archives, that are still unclear to me.
Last Saturday late at night ( I should say Sunday very early like 4 AM), I went out with a girl (I'm a guy) I got to know recently. I do not have sex as I'm very paranoid with all the STD's floating around. I'll go straight to the point.
She performed a handjob on me, as I relaxed and closed my eyes, and without me seeing it coming, she proceeded to put my penis in her mouth briefly. (30 to 60 seconds?). Shocked and full of fear I froze up, before I could stop her.
Sunday: I felt OK other than VERY anxious, and full of regret. "why the heck did I go out. I should just have stayed home and watched tv....."
On Monday: I started to feel sick.. something similar to a light flu or fever. (No sore throat, but did get cold shivers)
Here is what worries me. I have not been sick in over 5 years and I do not easily get sick. I admit that I haven

[Edrik11]

Hey, I know what you're going through.

First. I'm sure the good Doctor will tell you that "the next day" is WAY too soon for any symptoms to occur. So I'm not saying you're in the clear, but what ever you felt the next day has NOTHING to do with any STD symptoms.

Secondly. I think it is inaccurate to say that in 3 days you can get tested for everything except HIV.

I KNOW for a fact that testing for Herpes alone, it is ideal to wait 2 to 3 months.

Lastly.

You may not want to hear this but you need to be realistic. I been through this as well...

That the girls tell you that they're clean means NOT a DARN THING!!

They might not even know they have it. The good Doctor says that Oral is "pretty" safe sex, and the highest risk you have is getting Herpes, and that even is pretty low.

All you can do is TRY, to convince yourself you're fine (for now). Easier said than done I KNOW. Again I was there!, But think about it. If you stress.. you will generate more symptoms and you noticing that will even feed your anxiety even more!!!

Relax.

Doc says, oral is low risk!!

[Edrik11]

Look, it gets a bit tiring hearing people tell me that I need counseling, because I do not adhere to their (or ANY for that matter) standards of liking / practicing sex.

It is as simple as this. EVERYTHING has risks. You evaluate them, and you make a decision, if you're willing to take that risk or not.

I personally believe it isn't fair to "go for it" as long as nothing bad will happen but then cry when it DOES happen. Hence, the evaluating part... meaning it was worth the risk.

Now, having said that, I personally do not like sex all that much, NOTHING to do with STD's or anything except that there are other things that just simply feel better to me and rather do those things. (I have a foot fetish).

It may be hard to comprehend for some people, but not everyone is like one specific person and everyone has their values and preferences.


But hey, I'm game...

For the sake of argument, lets say I DO avoid sex due to STD's. Again

[Edrik11]

Well it has been a week now (a little over). I'm doing totally fine and am (as far as I can tell) totally normal.  I guess this is about the time that if anything will show up, it will now.

Thanks for all the help everyone

[Englishman]

Life is a terminal illness. Guaranteed!

[needitresolved]

mate you should be basking in the glow of your own ego, if you really had two ladies going down on you at once, not working yourself up.

Small risk of HSV1, maybe 1 in 1000 or something along those lines. You probably already have oral HSV1 anyway, in which case it's more like one in 100,000 or equally insignificant odds. Chill out.

[shygirl1981]

the internet is going to freak you out. that is probably why you are being irrational right now.  

std's are far to random, and rampant, to guess whether some people's immune systems are more susceptible than others....there is no way to know that. what you do know is that it depends on risk, and you my friend, have no risk at all.

you don't even need to stay with the same partner......just use condoms and you'll be fine!! as far as the internet goes, this is about the only site that you should trust for information okay!?

[mmv27]

Thanks for your advice and everybody is saying the same thing, not too worry. I think i have created a axeity and i had sex before in the past and never felt like this or think that can i get infected. To be honest reading the internet helps a little but damages people like me more with paranoia.

thanks

[shygirl1981]

you don't need testing at all. find something more productive to do with your time.

[mmv27]

You know i am in the same situation, i made three mistakes. Allowing three girls giving me oral without wearing a condom and also i kissed them...One happened 2 weeks ago and two of them at the same time on Sunday towards monday morning. Now i regret and upset with what i have done. Now i have been paranoia because right the next day i got a sore thoart well not too sore but still something funky. I feel muscle tension all over me, especially my my penis and testicles. The part that i am really upset is i got tested before and had nothing, not even oral herpes and now i am scared. These girls i been with said they are clean but do not know them that much to believe. I did not see no cut or sore on their mouth but who knows. I am getting tested thursday and is it true that the clinic i will go said they can test all std and get result within 3 days of contact, expect Hiv? Also what i want to know is that let say there is a person with oral herpe, this one person who has it, kisses and gives oral to 10 person. What is the rate of getting this passed to 10 people? I mean like 5 out of 10 or what? Also is there any person known to have a immunne against stds without having one at all and still not getting it, for example like the White who came over and gave the chicken pox to the indians and killed them but they lived, you know what i mean. Sorry if my questions are nonsense but any help and knowledge would do for me. I pray to God that i will not catch nothing and after that i will try to find one women and stay with her for good..:)

thanks to all

[Edrik11]

Thank you doctor.

I guess this exam I have been dreading since the beginning of the semester now looks like childs play! And I thought I had problems before!!

What a relief!!!!!

thank you doctor and everyone that responded. I owe you all dinner! (No double dipping please! :P)

[Edrik11]

HA HA Sparkler,

you know..
I think the way I wrote my message gives the impression I'm a 32 year old single male never even seen a woman.

Really that is not the case. I just choose not to be involved with anyone for now, because I'm an international student traveling way too often and tired of all the worries and jelousy that comes with not physically being with the loved one. Most of my girlfriends (which are not many) get too attatched and I really can't stand that.

but back to subject...

besides all the other "pathetic" details of love and finding someone to love, I am (/was) worried about getting herpes which is not curable. The other STD's are bad, yes ofcourse, but most are curable.

Thanks for taking time and interest replying! You have no clue how much it is appreciated!

[Edrik11]

Dear Englishman,

you are absolutely right! But please do not confuse my fear of getting a STD with taking risks in general. Having "lived" and enjoyed life,... for me at least, (and I KNOW you didn't mean it this way) is not having sex. I personally do not enjoy sex (which is different from climaxing, which obviously feels good and denying that simply is lying!)

I just hate thinking about having to be scarred for life due to a single stupid incident like getting oral sex (which I do not even like).

Other than that I'm very "normal". It's just sex. I think the reason for this is, that I am blessed with a foot fetish, and feet is all I need and want to get sexual gratification. And that's VERY save! (Hence my very limited experience with actual sex)

Thus for me, it is ESPECIALLY nerve wrecking if I might have gotten anything from oral sex. ARGHH!!


And thank you for reading and replying!

You to Shygirl!

thanks. You all are actually making me feel way better already.

[sparkeler]

Lol, thats the spirit!

[monkeyflower]

I wonder if you really don't enjoy sex for its own sake, or are just so afraid of the possible consequences of sex that you can't relax and actually experience/enjoy it. Your fear of STDs seems very intense. My feeling is that any time we experience that kind of fear/discomfort/anxiety about ANYTHING, it's worth examining. Have you considered counseling?

[sparkeler]

Maybe you could benefit from sort of counseling.  Just to kind of put things in perspective.  You are 32, I think it's time for a nice, loving girlfriend.

[shygirl1981]

you are at no risk here, and you don't need any std testing.

[Englishman]

I hate to raise your level of insecurity but unless you die in an accident, you will die of a health-related issue. The only fair thing about this is that it is same for everybody. When you reach that final stage, you will have to ask - "Did I really live?". Risks in life are unavoidable. Large risks in life are avoidable. Put things into some sort of perspective. Best of luck.

[Edrik11]

Hey Sparkler, I know you are right. I am uptight. I really can not help it. To me the fear of getting something outweigh the pleasure of sex enormously. It IS a shame. Thanks for the comments I HOPE you are right!! It was SUCH a stupid mistake. I always read about others having these problems, and think by myself

[sparkeler]

Whoa!  Calm down.  If she has oral herpes, (which she most likely does because half the population has it,) she probably doesnt shed the virus that much, which would make it highly unlikely she gave it to you on your genitals.  

You may already have oral herpes and not even know it.  If so, you are immune to getting it on your genitals.  Most people contract oral herpes as a kid.  Have you ever seen a young child w/a cold sore?  That's what it is.  It's NOT an STD.  You are over reacting completely.  

It's sort of a shame that you are so uptight about sex.  I'm not saying to be promiscuous, but your fears are over the top.

[Edrik11]

Q2 (& kind of Q3) are answered in the FAQ!. Sorry I missed that. I appologize!

[Edrik11]

Is there anything I can take/do right now to decrease any chances of getting anything?

[Edrik11]

Ohh I'm 32 years of age, if that matters.

[H. Hunter Handsfield, M.D.]

The chance of acquiring any STD by receiving oral sex is very low, and with such a brief exposure, it is close to zero.  Herpes is one of the risks, but only for HSV-1, and the odds are at least even that you already have been infected and therefore immune to getting it again.  And your symptoms don't sound like herpes, and they came on to soon to have anything to do with the event you describe.

1) Of course not.  No STD is transmitted with anywhere near 100% efficiency.  Even if she had oral HSV, the odds are overwhelming you did not catch it.

2, 3) When people develop symptoms, the onset usually is within 10 days.  But some infected people don't develop any symptoms.

4) Herpes is the highest risk STD from oral sex, but still low for any single exposure.

5) Oral herpes is totally unrealted to a person's sexual history.  If your partner has had 2 other lifetime partners or 200, her risk of having oral herpes is the same.  You really aren't at risk for any other STD.

Your symptoms have no logical explanation except anxiety.  You are blowing this exposure (no pun intended) all out of proportion.  Just forget it.

HHH, MD