Hello all

[freejf]

Hello my name is Frank I got  parnoid schizophrenia since I was 17 years old. I have always been self aware of my disability since that age im now 21. I need help from people that have control of this im in deneial Im going to tell how I feel and why i feel this way. I hear people talk about me but my family and doctor say its a hallusanation but Im like no its real I can hear it but they tell its not. so I think people would only know my personal bussiness because if they had camras in my house and I sometimes think people can read my mind. I dont want to beleive it but i hear them talk about my thoughts. I think music and tv is about me and I hate it I just want to be how I use to be I dont know how to not get mad when I hear people talk about me or these hallusinations. Im very parnoid I dont want to think these things but im very stubborn that im on a tv show and etc. Im on full meds too btw but i still think this.

What I want to ask is how can I prove to myself that my audio hallusnations are real? should I confront the people I think talk about me and ask them if they are talking about me? I need some sure way for me to know that I am really hearing hallusinations or if any people that have control of this Disability can tell me any other methods to make me understand what i hear isnt real and how to keep from getting agry with the public?

[Schizoaffectivegirl80]

I feel bad for you. That must be very hard to deal with.
I wouldn't confront people. Just leave them alone.

[paranoid_cataclysm]

Yeah I think the not childhood onset version of the illness can be more disturbing to a person because they know what it was like without the illness after developing fully.  I was also on the highest dose a day of a medication but still had some problems anyway which I'm told is normal and that other medications might work better but I am apparently sensitive to psych meds so they try not to do that with me anymore.

[freejf]

Thank you for the help its been hard for me since I didnt have this most my life was ok, but then this came and hit me.I think its hard for me to accept myself because I was use to living another way for so long. I think im going talk to my doctor and be more honest with her. The past months maybe the last year my parnoia has been high so ill see if she can help with my meds also have my hallsanations.Well i hope she can do something because last time she said she was putting me on the full dose of medicine that is allowed so I dont know Ill try to keep u guys updated thx again :D.

[paranoid_cataclysm]

starbunny's thing about you could be wrong reminded me is a part of dialetical behavioral therapy where they try to teach you not to make assumptions or describe things and just notice the thought instead.  One of the people who teaches it said she honestly believes everyone would get along better if people didn't assume things like a person is mad just because they look it.  I should also point out I'm also not immune to paranoia either, if I made it sound like that I'm sorry.

[starbunny]

I really empathise with you because it is scary not being able to rely on your perceptions. Like corlen I was able to reason my way through some of the hallucinations, like those that dissapate or change into something else but other times it is not so easy to tell and I count myself lucky that there were others there to 'correct' me.
Your need to confront people is totally understandable, but however sure you think you are - always bear in mind that you could be wrong, and it could end up in a terrible misunderstanding. I have been so close to making that mistake on many occasions, and now I'm glad I diddn't go through with it.
There must be someone in your life you can trust, and the best advice I can give is to listen to them when you are not sure about things. If you are still having these symptoms perhaps now would be a would good time to get your medication reviewed.
When I went on an antipsychotic lots of the feelings - like someone reading my mind got less and I was able to enjoy thinking about other things, but like corlen, symptoms come and go and I still deal with paranoia from time to time. Like the other day in a supermarket I heard a voice saying something like they were going to kill me, but there was nobody else there. I see a CPN and she is looking into ways for me to deal with this, perhaps your pdoc can advise you on some strategies to cope with your anger too? Let us know how you get on

[paranoid_cataclysm]

Also, even on treatment I still have some symptoms such as infrequent hallucinations and more commonly delusions, especially cognitive problems, because current medications can't even treat cognitive symptoms effectively but new ones are being developed.  Also if you get stressed enough your symptoms could get worse even while medicated properly.  I had an anxiety attack the 23rd for example and for some reason I thought it would go away after a couple of weeks but my symptoms have remained worse which is why I'm going to the doctor.

[paranoid_cataclysm]

In a bad period like now (going to see doc soon however) I have trouble determining whether things really have happened or not due to the nature of hallucinations and this illness.  I use scientific deduction and thinking to combat hallucinations and delusions which are illogical.  For example I heard growling coming from the speakers in a building and wasn't sure if it was real but then heard the song was about jungle animals and figured it was probably in the song.  I'm sorry but you can't always determine what is real and fake 100% of the time.  You should not confront people over suspicions such as this either.  I have paranoia for example but I usually never act out on suspicions it causes me to have due to the problems it would cause.  I also have visual hallucinations however and I figure when those just disappear in front of me logically things can't teleport at this point in time so they are probably not really there.  I'm sorry but I have no advice on the anger issue as I have the same problem and haven't figured out a good way to stop it.  Try stopping and doing some deep breathing or going home and punching a pillow or something to get the anger out in a better way.  Don't feel bad though about not having it under control, this illness is a challenge to manage and I had nearly 20 years out of the 23 years I've been alive to learn how to live with it but I still even have problems like working a normal job and dealing with symptoms and crap.

[BaldNatasha]

I have the same problem I think there is camras in my house and I think I am  on a webcite and i lay on the floor a lot and make noises and laugh for no reason. I have tried lots of meds but none seem to help. I hear a man say **** all the time time it's a voice I hear all the time.