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Help please, my boyfriend has a porn addiction...
My boyfriend of 2 years now has a serious problem. He is addicted to pornography and no matter how many times I have asked him to stop, he can't. It has become like a drug addiction! I am getting really frustrated because he won't see a counselor because he is too embarrassed. He doesn't get any sexual pleasure out of it either, he says it gives him an adrenaline rush...
It makes me feel terrible because he looks at other women who have certain things that I do not. I can't leave him because I love him. We can't turn the internet off because we are both in college. I am running out of things to try! Please give me some advice.
It makes me feel terrible because he looks at other women who have certain things that I do not. I can't leave him because I love him. We can't turn the internet off because we are both in college. I am running out of things to try! Please give me some advice.
My boyfriend used to be addicted to porn too, however he would masturbate to it. I asked him to stop, however he would still watch it sometimes. We had some problem because of it, I knew the girls he was looking at where better looking than me just like you do. He saw the problem that was causing me too. So he stopped just like that. What your boyfriend need its to really want to leave pornography its like alcoholics if they are really determined they will stop however he seems like he will need that extra help. If he cant try for you then i think you should be leave him too
Thank you :)
and yes he watches a certain fetish...
Thank god he doesn't masturbate to it or else I would have a heart attack, but, he ignores me for it, if you get what I'm saying. For example, I was in my room alone for an hour and the entire time he could of been hanging out with me, he was watching it. I knew better and I busted him for it.
and thank you for the confidence boost, I needed it. :) and I like the idea of look but don't touch, I will have to try that!!
and yes he watches a certain fetish...
Thank god he doesn't masturbate to it or else I would have a heart attack, but, he ignores me for it, if you get what I'm saying. For example, I was in my room alone for an hour and the entire time he could of been hanging out with me, he was watching it. I knew better and I busted him for it.
and thank you for the confidence boost, I needed it. :) and I like the idea of look but don't touch, I will have to try that!!
Hi,
I think that his attitude and motivation to reduce the use of porn is the crucial part of any potential solution. It means whether he really wants to stop or reduce it or he wants to stop only because he is aware of your negative attitude towards it.
Another question is what consequences his habit has and what is the impact on your sexual life. If he is interested in having sex with you and if your sexual needs are satisfied, it is not so bad, but if he ignores your sexual desire and if he uses porn not just as an addition but he uses it INSTEAD OF having sex with you, then there is a worse problem.
If he can´t reduce it immediately, it is possible to try this procedure:
If he cannot stop watching it, then at least he can try to watch it without masturbation to orgasm, and he should have orgasms only (or mostly) during physical sexual activities with you. It could help him "re-programme" his mind and body - orgasm is a strong reaction accompanied not only by pleasurable feelings but also by releasing different substances into our brain, so if this experience is conditioned to appear mainly during watching porn, his "addiction" gets stronger, on the other hand, if he experiences more orgasms during sexual interactions with you, then he should gradually start prefering real sex. Something like "behavioral conditioning" applied to sexual reactions and feelings.
If it gives him some adrenaline rush, he could try to explore some experimentation in the frame of having real sex with you. For example, some "role playing" scenarios, where he can get the thrill of the moment. If he likes watching sexual activities, he could benefit from some role play scenarios where he would be allowed to watch you during self-pleasuring, he could ONLY WATCH (not touch!) you while you are playing with yourself in the most sensual and sexual way. But it depends mainly on how comfortable you would feel with different forms of experimentation, you should not be forced to anything which goes against your preferences, of course.
It depends also on his preferences - does he watch "classic" porn, or is there something "special" or "kinky", some kind of fetish etc...?
Anyway, I want to assure you that his preference of porn has nothing in common with your lack of attractiveness, so please do not let your self-esteem get ruined by it.
Best of luck,
severin
I think that his attitude and motivation to reduce the use of porn is the crucial part of any potential solution. It means whether he really wants to stop or reduce it or he wants to stop only because he is aware of your negative attitude towards it.
Another question is what consequences his habit has and what is the impact on your sexual life. If he is interested in having sex with you and if your sexual needs are satisfied, it is not so bad, but if he ignores your sexual desire and if he uses porn not just as an addition but he uses it INSTEAD OF having sex with you, then there is a worse problem.
If he can´t reduce it immediately, it is possible to try this procedure:
If he cannot stop watching it, then at least he can try to watch it without masturbation to orgasm, and he should have orgasms only (or mostly) during physical sexual activities with you. It could help him "re-programme" his mind and body - orgasm is a strong reaction accompanied not only by pleasurable feelings but also by releasing different substances into our brain, so if this experience is conditioned to appear mainly during watching porn, his "addiction" gets stronger, on the other hand, if he experiences more orgasms during sexual interactions with you, then he should gradually start prefering real sex. Something like "behavioral conditioning" applied to sexual reactions and feelings.
If it gives him some adrenaline rush, he could try to explore some experimentation in the frame of having real sex with you. For example, some "role playing" scenarios, where he can get the thrill of the moment. If he likes watching sexual activities, he could benefit from some role play scenarios where he would be allowed to watch you during self-pleasuring, he could ONLY WATCH (not touch!) you while you are playing with yourself in the most sensual and sexual way. But it depends mainly on how comfortable you would feel with different forms of experimentation, you should not be forced to anything which goes against your preferences, of course.
It depends also on his preferences - does he watch "classic" porn, or is there something "special" or "kinky", some kind of fetish etc...?
Anyway, I want to assure you that his preference of porn has nothing in common with your lack of attractiveness, so please do not let your self-esteem get ruined by it.
Best of luck,
severin
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