Aa
I think my boyfriend is obsessed with pornography.
Well to start off, this has been bothering me for as long as we've been together. One day we were supposed to have sexual intercourse and for some reason he wasnt able to get "UP". So I kind of got upset and was like ok thats fine...so nothing happend. I walked out of the room and when I came back he was on his phone watching porn and finishing himself off?...I got really hurt because I felt I was doing something wrong so I let him be and walked out very disturbed at what I have seen. So he's constantly deleting his history and I shouldn't care or worry but it makes me feel so disgusted by him. He works mon - fri full time about 6 to 5 everyday...so while he's at work, he also watches porn when he gets the chance to go to the bathroom. We then started having trouble at home because of this because while he was pleasuring himself...I'd stay home waiting for his arrival and when he'd get home he'd have nothing to give. I don't trust him one bit, I told him how he made me feel about it and he told me he will stop. The next following day it was the same problem, he didn't quit. What do I do to stop feeling so hurt of myself, Am I doing something wrong? Or is this a problem I'm just going to have to get used to and let him have his "fun" with himself....I was even thinking of getting him back so he can feel the way I feel. Help me please lol
So how is this coming along for you both? What have you overcome in this situation> what have YOU done to change? I notice you say your girlfriend is trying to make progress in this but what are you doing that i can see if my bf can relate? Thanks for your guys response btw!! So HELPFUL!!
Well I agree that counseling can be appropriate in this situation but I dont think any man will be up to go to counseling for a Porn Addiction?...I know he would never accept to go see someone to figure this problem out. Instead I asked him to not delete any of his history all week. If he can get through the week without Porn then we should be fine right? I dont mind that he pleasures himself because everyone does it every once in a while but when it becomes a problem in our relationship with him needing it daily, i think thats when it gets bad. He's not as "great" in bed any more. I feel when i watch porn, i learn from it to help my sexual relationship with him and also to get off of course. But He doesn't learn, he just watches and does what he does. I love this guy, he does so much for me and I know I can get more from another man so I feel i need to help him and myself figure out this problem of me feeling so insecure. I even suprised him one day with wearing lingerie with heels and getting all dolled up and his phone had stopped working that day and he didnt mind to give me that attention...i ended up just changing back to normal clothes :/ I felt horrible. Nd i know alot of people will say its not me because..I turn myself on at times lol but how can all these other people see how beautiful i am and notice that i am sexy...but my bf?.
This is not about You !!
The chemical neurotransmitter "dopamine" is the culprit. Porn "addiction" results from "over" stimulation. The intensity created by the heightened level of stimulation causes the release of dopamine - the more "intense" the experience, the more dopamine is released in the brain. Dopamine is behind all motivation but when it's OVER stimulated we get addiction: porn, drugs, alcohol, gambling, whatever. When we submit ourselves to "over" stimulation the brain actually "re-wires" itself for the addiction and new neuro- pathways are created.
(Maybe it's the dopamine we become addicted to? Anyway, my guess is abstinence might bring those dopamine levels back where they belong?) This much I know:
Alcoholics have to give up alcohol
Drug addicts have to give up drugs
Maybe porn addicts have to give up porn?
At the least, I would seek therapy if any of these problems were in my life
Otherwise, I don't think You should blame YourSelf or feel responsible in any way for what appears to be an addiction on His part.
Good Luck
The chemical neurotransmitter "dopamine" is the culprit. Porn "addiction" results from "over" stimulation. The intensity created by the heightened level of stimulation causes the release of dopamine - the more "intense" the experience, the more dopamine is released in the brain. Dopamine is behind all motivation but when it's OVER stimulated we get addiction: porn, drugs, alcohol, gambling, whatever. When we submit ourselves to "over" stimulation the brain actually "re-wires" itself for the addiction and new neuro- pathways are created.
(Maybe it's the dopamine we become addicted to? Anyway, my guess is abstinence might bring those dopamine levels back where they belong?) This much I know:
Alcoholics have to give up alcohol
Drug addicts have to give up drugs
Maybe porn addicts have to give up porn?
At the least, I would seek therapy if any of these problems were in my life
Otherwise, I don't think You should blame YourSelf or feel responsible in any way for what appears to be an addiction on His part.
Good Luck
Porn is a addiction like any other addiction. It is something you will have to work on together. Me and my wife have struggled with it for years. In my relationship porn wasn't enough and I started venturing out of my relationship. Moreover, It is a 2 way street. My wife has attempted to be more erotic in the bedroom to help me get over my porn addiction. But your boyfriend will have to make changes too.
I think I had a different problem, my wife was ok with my using porn, even used it as a sex break. She was upset when I tried to give it up lol. but its a hard habit to break you have to be diligent.
I think I had a different problem, my wife was ok with my using porn, even used it as a sex break. She was upset when I tried to give it up lol. but its a hard habit to break you have to be diligent.
Revenge is NOT the solution to the problem. I do think the problem is his and has nothing to do with you. You may both benefit from counseling, couples and seperately. Blessings - Blu
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