My BF chooses to masterbate and watch porn over having sex with me, how do we get through this?

[minisavage]

let me start off by by telling you that my BF and I have been together for just under a year, and its been a really hard year, for the past 4 or 5 months we have been fighting about our sex life... or lack there of.
when we first started fighting about it, he made me feel as if there was something wrong with me because I wanted to have sex more often. he said his libido just wasnt into sex more then once a week, so just get used to it.
I tried everything, I know that my BF has a boob fetish, we've talked about it, Im very thin (actually seeing a doctor about not being able to gain weight) and I really dont have much there for him. it hurts me to know that Im lacking something so important to him, but we brought porn into the bedroom to help us through. it helped for a while. but some of the porn worried me a fair bit. I have an oral fixation, I always have, I love preforming oral sex, its a big turn on for me. My bf showed me his collection of oral sex videos hes downloaded from the internet, and  in the videos, the guys are making the girls puke...on purpose. it was weird for me, I'd never seen  it before but he expressed that he found it really hot and he wanted to try it. I cant puke, my gag reflex just isnt that strong.but I guess just trying to make me was enough for him. after hitting another slow period, as a suprise I got him a digi cam for valentines day, and told him maybe we coud make our own movies. we did, and that also helped for a bit, but now even that has stopped. I have bought toys to try and rekindle his interest, Ive tried talking to him and telling him I need more, but no matter how gentle I am , he always makes me feel bad for bringing it up. everytime he initiates oral sex with me, he is trying to make me puke, which really takes the fun out of it for me , and Ive told him so. he has since then started waiting for me to go to sleep and sat in front of his computer and pleasured himself. after this happened for a few nights, I addressed the topic with him, he denyed it, even after being caught when I got up to get a drink!?!
I didn't know what to do, and was curious about what he was so intently wrapped up in, (never in our relationship has he ever been this active at masterbating (masturbating)) and I simply dont know what to feel about what Ive found. Im a forward thinker when it comes to stuff like that, I'm 25, I grew up with open mindedness about sex, but some of what I saw just scared methere were countless rape videos, and some labeled as incest videos and ...I hope I need to say no more but ...foriegn object videos?
I am at such a loss here. I dont know what to do. I tried to talk to him about this, and he ... after much deflecting, confessed an addiction to porn. Ive never heard this. Ive heard of sex addiction, but never porn/masterbating so I googled it. it seems most articles I find about porn addiction suggest that he should have a heightened libido. I dont really know where to go to get info, and I want to be delicate about this, but im upset and im hurt and I dont know who to talk to.
can I help him through this?
should I even want to? (guess you cant answer that huh?)
is this a typical issue?
Its beginning to mess with my mental health, Ive never really been insecure about my looks before, but I feel like he finds me unattractive. help me understand this better, please.

[sam6386]

I am so sorry to hear this...yes people are addicted to porn. they have an episode on MTV True Life I am addicted to porn, its quite interesting/yet upsetting.People (usually men I believe, and sometimes this does ruin relationships.) some people really can't control themselves when it comes to that...have you spoken to him about how you feel exactly? Since he has admitted his problem is he going to take action? a therapist? counsuling? rehab?

[dollyn]

I wouldn't waste anymore time with this man and make sure to burn the video the two of you made together.

is this what you want you life to be like.and he was right when he said get us to it.

I know how you must feel and you don't want to be like this your hole life with someone like this.

so I would move on and let him have his porn.

[rockygolds]

Its very interesting to read this post and appreciate your patience in explaining it so well. I had a browsing centre of my own few years back and used to see a lot of people with different kind of mind sets. Young people used to come to my centre which was good for privacy as it had closed doors and locks inside. I realized that most of the young guys used to watch porn and very addicted to it. Everyday I used to see the same people doing the same thing again and again. I was once surprised to see a gentleman around 40 years come to my centre and take over a system for hours together. Then he started coming everyday and guess what he used to get lots of CDs with him. This gentleman used to get videos of hidden cams, upskirts and so. Sometimes girls used to come over and see blue films too.

If you have observed here you can find out that all people are mostly addicted to porn in some or the other way.

In my case I had a very good sexual appetite whereas my girl friend was very scared and coservative. Though she likes making love she never used to go forward for a sexual intercourse. Today I am in your position if you see the other way round.

For your question anything is possible in this world. If you truly love this guy then go ahead and give him your support as much as possible. I would suggest Meditation everyday for atleast 10 to 15 minutes in the beginning and going forward 30 minutes to 1 hour. This will really help him in getting out of this addiction.

Try your best and see if it works! All the best

Cheers
Rocky

[gagootza]

he's addicted to porn and he feels thats the only way he will get satisfied.he don't realize all that screaming and aggressiveness the girls show is nothing but acting.us men al wish sex could be like that in the real world and i'm sure ther are some people that get excited like the porn girls do.he needs to come to the conclusion that porn is mostly a fantacy world.its good for a quick fix.i hope i was of some help to you.good luck

[Sense_of_Smell]

Have you tried losing weight?

[jordanlyn]

I can only imagine what you are going through. I am a psychologist and have my degree in sexual relationships and relationship therapy. Fortunately, this is a subject that I am very familiar with.
First of all, let me start out by saying that masturbation for a man is sooo normal. Any boyfriend or even husband you have WILL masturbate. It doesn't mean that he doesn't find you attractive, in fact you can be the most beautiful girl in the world in his eyes but masturbation is very normal and is essential for a male's sex life. It gives him time to fantasize about things that he would probably never do and especially never want YOU to do.
However, porn addiction is a little different and a very hard habit to break. Porn addiction, like any other addiction, has a underlying meaning to it and from what it sound like he has a forn of depression. Talk to him, get him to tell you why he finds pornography comforting. Again, this doesn't mean that he doesn't find you unattractive but it can mean that he isn't intrested in the relationship anymore.
As Rocky said, meditation can be very very helpful. But I suggest that he talks to a pyschologist about this. It sounds like there are other things that he needs to talk to someone about.
Let me know if you have any questions at all.
Cheers, Jordan

[johnjkau]

I just want to throw something in here is that maybe he is having other issues; ED, performance anxiety, etc?