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8137637 tn?1396686060

sexual reltioshion of a couple , and n men can't live with out it !!

Hey i'm in a relationship and i really like the guy i'm with , when we are toghether we are really happy we really like each other , and when i'm with him he makes me feel like a queen ..
well the thing is as we talk abwt awer relation he mentioned that he wants to have physical relation as well with me but i really don't want to know right know i want him to earn my confidence so i could be able to do that with him .
and he said something that even if i didnt accept physical relation with him that will not change any thing he feels towards n he said but i have needs sexual needs .. really confused , i wanna be with him n i dont know what to do abwt this subject ....
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8137637 tn?1396686060
we are going to be engaged soon ^^
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139792 tn?1498585650
COMMUNITY LEADER
Inform us when you get married.
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8137637 tn?1396686060
Thank you a lot, all of you , n you were a help to  me , if any thing new comes out i'll be teling you . ^^
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Avatar universal
It sounds like things are working out well.  I am glad for that.  I hope we have been help to you and to others in your situation that may read this thread in the future.  I also hope that you will find true happiness and love with him and that he will continue to respect and love you too.  Let us know if any other developments occur to upset a good thing.
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8137637 tn?1396686060
well thnk you for all your comments , well i'm gonna tell you what happend so far ,
well i tolf him that i need time it is not easy for me , n i wanna take it tep by step .
n he said it is oke it is you who decide  n what ever you say will happened ,
and i didnt wanna be selfish with him , i know he have needs n our realtionship is good n powerful so far n i want it to continue like that , n i told him  that our relation shouldnt be based on sexe , so he told it will never be abwt sexe , but it will be somthing added to our relation , " i'm gonna tell you how i met him "   ( while i'm working as a cashier at lebanon retaurant he came with his sis n his friend , n i was talking to them presenting our products n beeing nice to them , he asked for my number we were laughing all of us thinking he was joking , so finely he came back 3 times that night asking for my number so gave it to him ) then when we went out it was all perfect , even until now .
Wel something new happened , we went to the bich tofether , n we kissed for the fist time several times it was a perfect day to bowth of us .. that is all until know , i really like us together n really wanna geve us a trie , he is really nice to me n very gentil , from the first date , he alwayse take my hand n kiss it "in our society men only kiss they're mothers hands out of appreciation and respect "
That's all
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139792 tn?1498585650
COMMUNITY LEADER
Thanks for detailed explanation.
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Avatar universal
If it helps, you can call it whatever you want.  But most "Nice" women have never experienced an orgasm and don't really understand what all the fuss is about.  They think the fore-play is the best they will experience and orgasms are just for guys.  The women that have experienced an orgasm usually are more understanding about the guys point of view and often are wanting it more themselves too.  It is like trying to describe the color red to someone that is colorblind.  It is easier to discuss the color if the other person can see colors too.  I don't know if understanding the concept will help her make her decision or not, but I think it would make it a lot worse if she lost him over not understanding.  Even if her decision doesn't change, as least she has a better grasp of all the factors involved on both sides of the coin.
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139792 tn?1498585650
COMMUNITY LEADER
should we call it pragmatic. In fact all adjective feel short of...
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Avatar universal
Specific and objective explanation.
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139792 tn?1498585650
COMMUNITY LEADER
Scientific explanation
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Avatar universal
Ok. The bottom lines are in two different places here.  Yes, if he truly loves you to the point of marriage, then he should wait for you.  You also have the right and should not be afraid to use it or let him know that you will use it to say, "If you do go elsewhere, it is a deal breaker to me and you will never ever know marriage or sex with me in your life."  If he feels about you the way you think you feel about him, he should be able to keep it in his pants.

Conversely, you may lack the urgency and burning for sex that he has.  It is possibly so strong that you would be forcing yourself on him against his will if the rolls were reversed.  Women have their most sensitive erogenous zones on the inside and it makes it very difficult to achieve an orgasm and nearly impossible for a virgin.  A guy has their most sensitive erogenous zones on the outside and may achieves his first orgasm about a week after it is switched on at puberty.  In this respect, a woman who has never achieved true climax cannot fully understand that her definition of sex is different from a guys definition of sex.  

A true orgasm is a sudden rush of endorphins that produce a seizure like euphoria and an ultra intense happiness and joy.  It comes on like an intense itch, builds up to an autonomic overload like a sneeze, and deflates with a spasm that releases the sperm. It can and often is an addictive feeling.  Much of the situation plays into the mindset of the event making it more or less intense.  A guy his age has countless orgasms under his belt (pun intended a little) and you probably don't have any.

That being said, there is also a major difference between sex and masturbation.  Sex is less controlled and usually much more consistently intense for a guy.  For a woman, she can have sex for years and never achieve an orgasm.  I can speak from experience that there is another big jump in quality of orgasm when it is with your spouse and not a casual encounter.  Like a drug addict, your boyfriend is addicted to orgasms and like an addict, he is wanting more of the drug.  Female cooperation is required for this increase.  Like an addict, he is craving the next level of fix.  You are simply telling him not to do something that you don't feel compelled to do. That is a bit of a disconnect.  

You can tell him what you want, but understand, from a sexual standpoint, it is much much harder for a guy to do what you ask than it is for you to do it.  Think of it as a telling a crack addict not to increase his dosage until you tel him it is alright.  You don't do crack, so you don't really know his standpoint of what you ask.  But the drug is compelling him to do it anyway.  So, if he can manage to hold it together until you are married, his achievement should be noted and his love for you is stronger than his addiction.  But it is a point that you need to understand when you ask him to endure something, that you truly do understand what you are asking.  It may not change the facts and the circumstances, but I think it will help in your understanding of his side of the coin.  

It might also help to explain to him that you understand that his burden is greater.  Tell him that you want him to show you what a real orgasm feels like on your wedding night.  Tell him you want to feel and experience what he feels at climax.  Your willingness to go there and do, should go a long way towards his fixating on you as the next step up in dosage and he will wait however long it takes to get it, as long as he knows that he is going to get it and share it.  

If is does not go along with it, then I can only tell you that it was probably not meant to be.  Know that the drug has pushed him too far and he is beyond your grasp.  Dump him and seek another.
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134578 tn?1693250592
It sounds like he is using a real double standard.  He gets to do what he wants even if you aren't allowed by the restrictions of your society to go out and do the same, and if you don't like it, he will just cheat on your relationship.  Did you decide it was not possible to do a hand job for him?  If not, then it sounds like he is going to need to decide whether he can do for himself, not whether he can screw around on you.
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Avatar universal
If your boyfriend is threatening to sleep with others because you want to wait until marriage, and he keeps using his "needs" as an excuse, then you need to tell him that he is being completely selfish and disrespectful of you. And if he truly loved you, he would never be so disrespectful towards you. If he continues to say this to you, you'll have to decide whether it's worth it to you to continue this relationship. Because you shouldn't get stuck with someone who treats you so poorly.
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8137637 tn?1396686060
Well i'm 20 and he is 24 we live in a concervative society and it is not abwt prangnency.
I like him and he likes me ,  and he told me that he does wanna spend the rest of his lif with me , i know we are yong but in our society we marry yong, But that doesnt mean that we are going to get merried soon i still have to finish my studies and he have manage his life financially .
The thing is when he is with me we bowth have amazing feelings n we spoke abwt that n he told me that the needs he have are magnified with the feelings he has for me .
The thing i didn't like his telling me that even if i didnt approve on having a physical relation with him he wouldnt let me go but he'd like the get his needs somewhere else , and ofcourse i wouldn't accept that .
And i asked i guy friend of mine that has a girlfriend and he love her a lot and entend to marry her why does guys ask for that certaint things n how they expect girls accepting that , n he surprised me telling me that he is having sexe with girls n his girlfriend know that bcz she wouldnt do that until she get merried , i can not beleive how a girl or a woman would share he guy !!!!
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134578 tn?1693250592
A guy will often say the "I have needs" line in order to subtly coerce his girlfriend into giving him sex.  If you don't want to, you don't have to.  I agree with Feelsup that he might be threatening to go find sex somewhere else.  

If your primary reason not to have sex with him is that you might get pregnant, you can certainly give him a hand job.  That way his "needs" could be fulfilled and you would not risk pregnancy or an STD.

Frankly, in my book, a guy with oh-such-powerful "needs" can give himself a hand job.  It's not my problem that he is too horny to hold still with one woman.  He sounds like a teenager, is he?

If your reason is that you prefer to be married before having sex, let him know.  He does not have to marry you, of course, but he should know that this is your condition.

The main thing is, especially in a restrictive society, all the bricks will fall on your head if there is a problem (such as a pregnancy, or a sexually transmitted disease).  He would be able to walk away, and you would catch h ell.  This gives you the right to call the shots, since all the penalties would fall on you.
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Avatar universal
I believe he is saying to you that he really likes you and wants more.  However, if you are not ready to go that next step, he will gladly give you time to get there.  But, if you are not in a sexual relations ship with him, he feels sexually unrestricted and will do whatever he wants sexually to deal with his needs until you are ready to commit to that next step.  Once you do, then he is yours sexually too.

Right or wrong, I believe that is what he is trying to say without actually saying it.
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139792 tn?1498585650
COMMUNITY LEADER
This dilemma whether to do or not to do is worrisome. One cannot plan it  logically. This is normal tug of war. I am sure time will come when you will be able to make decision.The above video appear to be quite informative related to your situation in some way.Do not worry you will find the answer.
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