Aa
Husband wont have sex with me!!
My husband and I have been together for three years. At first our sex lives were great all except he wouldn't let me give him oral sex. This lasted a few months and then slowly our sex has dwindled down to three times a month, then one time a month and now, today I was informed that I should just be thankful for what we have and not think about having sex any longer. This has tore me up inside. I feel so broken and hurt.He rarely gives me a peck on the mouth when he leaves for work and pets the dog more than he even touches me. I'm so sad. I just don't understand what's going on. He says that he has no desire to have sex anymore. I feel this is selfish of him not to want to please me at least. I'm just at my wits end.
lonely and broken
lonely and broken
Unfortunately, I'm like your husband and reading your post enabled me to empathize more with what my wife is going through. I do still give her a lot of affection, but the desire for sex is gone.
It's a very weird thing for a guy to experience, having pursued sex with lustful intensity for so many years. Your confidence goes, you feel abnormal, you feel the pressure of not "pleasing your woman", you're embarassed, but all the anxiety just makes your sexual organs feel more dead and disconnected from your body. I know you think it's selfish, but remember, on a very fundamental level, it's harder for a man to please his woman when he's having issues (purely from an erectile perspective), than it is for a woman. Granted, that's the basest level.
If my wife showed more concern for my feelings, asked interested questions about what was going on, and generally seemed more loving and concerned with me, it would help a lot. The harping on the sex issue makes it so much worse, because in part it really starts to feel like I'm not loved, it's just about her.
I'd ask him if he still masturbates, that will clue you in to whether it's more a relationship issue or a personal issue with himself.
Also, make sure you're focusing on how much you, yourself actually needs sex to be happy, rather than benchmarking against what you think is "normal" from what you hear from friends, on TV, movies, etc. No one talks openly about what's really going on, so it's a false benchmark. It's like thinking your neighbor makes more than you because they have a nicer car.
Good luck
It's a very weird thing for a guy to experience, having pursued sex with lustful intensity for so many years. Your confidence goes, you feel abnormal, you feel the pressure of not "pleasing your woman", you're embarassed, but all the anxiety just makes your sexual organs feel more dead and disconnected from your body. I know you think it's selfish, but remember, on a very fundamental level, it's harder for a man to please his woman when he's having issues (purely from an erectile perspective), than it is for a woman. Granted, that's the basest level.
If my wife showed more concern for my feelings, asked interested questions about what was going on, and generally seemed more loving and concerned with me, it would help a lot. The harping on the sex issue makes it so much worse, because in part it really starts to feel like I'm not loved, it's just about her.
I'd ask him if he still masturbates, that will clue you in to whether it's more a relationship issue or a personal issue with himself.
Also, make sure you're focusing on how much you, yourself actually needs sex to be happy, rather than benchmarking against what you think is "normal" from what you hear from friends, on TV, movies, etc. No one talks openly about what's really going on, so it's a false benchmark. It's like thinking your neighbor makes more than you because they have a nicer car.
Good luck
wow, I can't believe this thread.
Sex and passion are up in the top 2 main things in a relationship in my opinion.
Let me say it from a point of view of a husband in a 13 year marriage, that if I was with someone that thought the same as me it would be a hell of a lot better.
My opinion is that what separates the person you got married to from all the others? Sure, it is love, laughter, common interests...but isn't part of it the physical attraction to each other, and feeling comfortable enough to be intamate in different places, anyplace, anytime?
Trust me, if all of us were in the dating field, and we were all 100% honest with the other people we dated, the people that said "sex is overrated", and quoting the last poster "The harping on the sex issue makes it so much worse," (like that statement won't kill what you have left?. people that HONESTLY would say those things when dating would find themselves in one of 2 situations.
Either, single for their entire life, OR partnered with another that thinks the same. But guess what? that NEVER happens, because people go into this commited relationship BOTH saying they want sex, then usually if not ALWAYS 1 of them changes the rules and backs off.
Then the other person doesn't only feel rejected...but , usually is also blamed for " harping on the sex issue ," its a cruel situation to be in.
Trust me, if I found someone that thought the same as me, not only would I be with them in bed doing anything whenever they wanted...but, our relationship would have less stress, more bonding, and everything that makes a relationship strong.
Sorry for the vent, I just can't comprehend this kind of thinking.
Sex and passion are up in the top 2 main things in a relationship in my opinion.
Let me say it from a point of view of a husband in a 13 year marriage, that if I was with someone that thought the same as me it would be a hell of a lot better.
My opinion is that what separates the person you got married to from all the others? Sure, it is love, laughter, common interests...but isn't part of it the physical attraction to each other, and feeling comfortable enough to be intamate in different places, anyplace, anytime?
Trust me, if all of us were in the dating field, and we were all 100% honest with the other people we dated, the people that said "sex is overrated", and quoting the last poster "The harping on the sex issue makes it so much worse," (like that statement won't kill what you have left?. people that HONESTLY would say those things when dating would find themselves in one of 2 situations.
Either, single for their entire life, OR partnered with another that thinks the same. But guess what? that NEVER happens, because people go into this commited relationship BOTH saying they want sex, then usually if not ALWAYS 1 of them changes the rules and backs off.
Then the other person doesn't only feel rejected...but , usually is also blamed for " harping on the sex issue ," its a cruel situation to be in.
Trust me, if I found someone that thought the same as me, not only would I be with them in bed doing anything whenever they wanted...but, our relationship would have less stress, more bonding, and everything that makes a relationship strong.
Sorry for the vent, I just can't comprehend this kind of thinking.
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