confused feelings

[gabby0514]

I had a relationship with a guy named Tyler that lasted for almost two years. We were so in love until we broke up and were apart from each other over 9 months. During the 9 months I met a new person, Leo. Me and Leo decided to start a new relationship since I thought it was time for me to move on, but in the meantime I still had some type of connection with my ex, Tyler. This bothered my current boyfriend, Leo; I really wanted to be with him but I couldnt stop talking or communicating with Tyler, Tyler was always there, in my life I couldnt let him go, he meant a lot to me still. And while me and Tyler were just good friends during the 9 months we weren't together, I always wanted him to ask me out again, always. And now that he did, I said yes with excitement, but now I feel bad for Leo because Im still with him and we dated for 8 months, I cant let him go either, he means everything to me, he's so romantic all the time. I cry every night trying to figure out what to do with my life, I love Leo, but I also love Tyler. How to get rid of this confusion...

[Janice M Epp, PhD]

Hi Gabby:

I'm wondering if you like both pizza and steak. Does that mean you have to choose one or the other? No. You can have both.

It sounds to me like you're putting pressure on yourself. Why not just be with both men?

If this isn't an option for you, then you'll need to decide which relationship is more satisfying and grieve the loss of the other one. It's part of life, and will probably happen to you many times. As you get older, you'll get a better sense of who you are as a person, what you want, etc., and that will help you to make wise decisions regarding relationships. In the meantime, it might help you to make an inventory of the pros and cons of each relationship. Best of luck to you. Dr. J

[kane3]

Sorry to hear about all the confusion and tornado of feelings affecting you. From personal experience, I think you should look at the reasons of why you and Tyler had ended the relationship in the first place and take that experience and ask yourself if you would want to have that re-occur again. When your involved in such a long relationship, you grow attached to that person and you almost become one together. And when it ends in a break-up, communication is usually something that keeps going on untill new relationshops are formed and slowly the contact will be lost. In your case, you still talked to Tyler and stil felt feelings for him even though Leo caught your eye as well. Usually when a break-up occurs between 2 people that have been together for quite some time, you see them re-connect within the first month again, because the love and loneliness is just to much to handle. But in your case, that never happened. You moved on to Leo, which in this case is innocent and I can see why he is getting upset with you talking to Tyler. You should look into your heart, sort through all the positives and negatives from both guys and make a choice. You shouldnt lead any of these guys on for their feelings but also for yourself too. Sometimes old flames reunite and work out to long lasting relationships and sometimes they burn out again quicky. You don't need to rush yourself into making the right choice, as this has led to your confusion. Take some time to yourself and sort through your feelings and follow them. Maybe neither is a right choice now. I know you'll be okay, and as time goes on, things will get better. Just stay positive, stay true to yourself, and be happy!!!