The pack is in my hand and I'm ready to open it!

[Jade59]

This is what I find the most difficult about staying quit.  The anger.  Anger makes me want to smoke soooo bad!

[kathyjo]

I hear you and I do remember that feeling. It's awful, but the good news is that it's not going to last much longer. You might want to talk to the doctor about something for the anxiety, short term. It's going to be tough for a while but you are almost through it but you got to believe and you have to stay strong. Keep yourself busy and don't let the smoke take control of you and your life. The more you dwell on it, the harder it will become, so do more walking or gardening, anything that is going to occupy your mind. You can do this!
Hang tough!

[Jade59]

Everything I typed earlier was true...then, but I really don't know if I can do this.  I just can't get any rest.  The sleep is better, but better doesn't make up for weeks and weeks of no sleep.  Now my heart is starting to pound all day, especially when I lay down.  Trying to take a nap and just as I'm falling a asleep I snap awake with my heart pounding.  Why doesn't all this happen when I'm smoking?  I've done' the reading, I have my list, I KNOW it causes more anxiety, so why, 2wks later, do I feel like this?  I'm trying not to be baby and not complain as much as I would like, but I can't stand feeling like this!!!  The anxiety symptoms are so awful.  I get so sick of it.  

When I stop smoking I become one of those poor people on the anxiety forum with symptoms that never let up.  I don't understand.  I have a good attitude, I really want this, it's just the this physical feeling that has nothign to do with WANTING to stop smoking.  I have had to take something cause I feel like I'm going to go into a panic attack.  

Everything is better except for the heart pounding and that turns into frustration and then the crying.  This all happened last time.  Sorry Kathy jo....this is the truth!  I feel like I'm white knucking it.  I know there is only so much you can say or do.  Maybe this is just a moment, but there are too many of them.  I don't know...

[Jade59]

Appetite...better.  Sleeping...better.  Anxiety...hmmm

But now here comes the fatigue and oh my, but my stomach is hurting!  No smoking, no aspirin, no spicy foods.
Honestly, I don't get it because when I was smoking, these ulcers weren't hurting at all!?!  Oh no!  The ulcers WANT the smoke.  They got used to it and are complaining, haha

Thanks, Kathy Jo and look...2wks today!  Really doing well overall.  
---
2w 14:13 smoke-free, 216 cigs not smoked, $59.40 saved, 18:00 life saved

[kathyjo]

Stress is stress no matter the source and equally trying, just keep in mind that the answer to dealing with it is not smoking, but find a healthier outlet; i.e. walking, which is something you already do.
I'm glad that your mom is supporting you and that she is an ex means she understands just what it is you are dealing with. While the "suiting up" is a deterrent, I hope you find other reasons too. It sounds as if you are adjusting well. I hope your appetite returns and that you are sleeping better : )

[Jade59]

" but in times of stress, I find myself forgetting that it is learned behavior and a response to it, and not really stress relieving."

I love that sentence!  I feel so dumb saying this, but I just got home from getting my hair cut with a new hairdresser.  Getting a cut is always so stressful for me.  I practically hold my breath the whole time.  Walked in the door and "just one" was all I could think about until I called my mom (who is being such a great source of support, by the way) and she pretty much said what you did.  Plus, just one would lead to that whole ritual (good word, huh?) of "suiting up."  Yikes...no thanks!

For some reason, I forget all I know and have learned when I'm having a moment.  That's why support is so important.

Thank you so much, Kathy Jo, and let me give You one big "atta girl" right back as I know life is not so easy for you right now.  

You hang in there too...♥

[kathyjo]

Absolutely! I always post when I get to a big number! I am grossed out, yet peversely proud : ) I too love my meter and think that everyone should have one! I find it especially helpful when I am at wits end and am tempted to smoke : (  This doesn't happen to often, but in times of stress, I find myself forgetting that it is learned behavior and a response to it, and not really stress relieving.
I'm so happy for you Jade!

[Jade59]

...can't seem to remember to post the meter I'm so proud of...?!?
---
1w 6d 13:41 smoke-free, 200 cigs not smoked, $55.00 saved, 16:40 life saved

[Jade59]

200 cigarettes not smoked as of right now.  I am LOVING my meter and finding it so encourging to see how many cigs I have not smoked instead of counting the days.  

200 is a LOT of cigarettes.  I would normally think in terms of how many packs I had smoked which would be a much smaller number at this point.  Seeing the larger number of cigs not smoked vs packs seems to be doing a better job mentally of keeping me in check.  Does that make sense?

Sleep deprived, big time, but it's getting a little better...

[Jade59]

That's what I did last night in between posts.  Went for a quick walk and threw that pack away.  I had meant to throw it away earlier like I told you, but forgot about it because it was in a cupboard out of sight.  I sure was able to remember it was there last night though.  It was unopened and I sat in front of the computer playing with that little strip it takes to open them.  

Still feel upset by the incident with hubby...he's not going to quit, I see that.  It's just that it's been a whole week that he's been good and I start to relax, then boom!  Get's me upset all over again for days.  Out of my control...nothing I can do.  Have to take care of myself.  He is not making this easy though :(  

I am happy to say that the actual act of inhaling smoke sounds totally unappealing.  Like I would choke.  It's just the pull of the habit in the moment.  The cravings really aren't too bad otherwise.  Nothing I can't handle until I get angry.  That's when it seems to be the hardest.  

Thank you so very much for being here for me!
---
1w 5d 10:51 smoke-free, 183 cigs not smoked, $50.33 saved, 15:15 life saved

[kathyjo]

oh, and throw away that pack....don't make it easy!

[kathyjo]

Good for you. You ARE in control so don't lose your power. There is only one thing in life we can control, and no amount of upset or stress is worth giving up a quit. Sometimes your mind and body will play tricks on you, especially when sllep deprived, so when you first begin your resolve is there, but as as time goes on, it's like we almost forget why we wanted to quit.....don't fall into that trap! It's no easy to do......I have been really testing myself too, but I keep on telling myself that I have never felt better in all of my life : ) You know it's true. I spent the first 4 months of my quit fighting off so many different physical ailments and I'll be danged if I am going to let my emotions take control of the physical me.
You hang in there!

[Jade59]

Didn't do it.  Going to bed.  I won't let someone else's actions make me ruin my quit!

---
1w 5d 0:35 smoke-free, 180 cigs not smoked, $49.50 saved, 15:00 life saved