A psychiatrists or psychologist, who can help us get trained to treat my Mom?

[MZS]

Hi, My mother (56 years) had a relatively mild brain stroke 2 yrs ago but went thru a lot of complications after that. She is physically doing better now but her thought process has become slow, she has problems to think & talk properly and is suffering from severe depression. But I am seeking your help not for my mother, but rather for the rest in the family. My mother has always been very self-dependent person. Whereas, unfortunately some of us now tend to be over caring towards her making it worse. As a result, she is loosing her self esteem.She feels she has no significant role in anything anymore and getting more depressed. She needs to have a positive environment around her but some in her family simply do not get it. I strongly believe if others could revamp our approach towards her, she can recover much faster. We do need psychological consultancy to realize WHY and HOW we need to change ourselves. We did talk about these issues internally but the defaulters repeatedly failed to understand they are so wrong due to their egoistic characteristics and over smartness. They think they are doing the best for her. So my only hope at this moment is,  we go to an outside professional who can point fingers to us. Please help to save my Mom, God forbid but it doesn't seem like she can survive this misery for long. I'd be ever grateful if you please suggest what we should do .. should we see a psychiatrists or a psychologist? If yes, can I find psychologist who offers commercial services around North VA? Can you please recommend me some sources  Thanks a million

[caregiver222]

Incidentally, you have to "orchestrate" events that provide self esteem. One think I do with my 101 year old patient is to never simnply offter her a meal, but use a "chalk board to ask her".  The board says "Yes" or "No", but she delights in saying "maybe". Do not just bring food in front of her. My expoerience is she will always say "no" and twenty minutes later say "yes". Do not permit the aides to keep her in pajamas but insist on full proper dress everyy morning, and let her choose betwen two different outfits each day. Let her select her nail polish. My little 101 year old gets a kick out of this. And the holidays are coming and be sure to schedule a "decorating day" for the christmas season. Don't worry if she is Christian. The tree decoration becomes a fun event for the family. Get a small tree for her room she can reach and decorate.

[caregiver222]

The one simple think to recommend is B-12 and folic acid supplements. B-12 is best administered by injection, but this is hard on an elderly person. There are two main receptor sites, below the tongue and at the end of the intestine. Use cherry flavored B-12, which can be absorbed sublingually, with folic acid. Do not give it with food. Maybe a half hour or an hour after eating.  Normally food has enough B-12, but it doesn't get absorbed well. This is a relatively harmless supplement with no contraindications.

[MZS]

Thanks so very much Dr. Will definitely try my best to locate such a psychologist.

Also, thanks to everyone else again for your kind advices.

[caregiver222]

The thing to remember is that the life-force is a truly magical entity, and things can always get better. My little 101 year old pal, now almost 102, who last year could not talk or respond or walk, and was totally given up on by the best rehab facility in the United States (who shall remain nameless, but they have great TV ads) improves daily, and now fully communicates. Last week she started brushing her own hair and asking for the brush! She has dysphagia, and they were about to put in a feeding tube instead of taking the time with her that should have been taken. She laughs continually and took her first bus ride in years. This was a woman given up by conventional medicine and declared vegatative following a series of strokes. I am firmly against the long term use of coumadin, for a number of reasons, although the use of this drug remains a standard drug in the conventional protocols. The reduction in pleasure from foods and the invariable bleeds almost always end up in a vfery unhappy ending. The exception is for those who have heart valve replacement, but even then, there are other far less harmful modalities. It is very difficult to find a physician who will treat without coumadin in the United States. Conventional medicine all reads from the same hymn book. But like the character Dr. Pangloss (Voltairee), this is not the best of all possible worlds. Never give up hope. Love, prayer, hope and patience can work wonders.

[MZS]

Thank you so very much to all of you for your valuable suggestions. I will try to implement my best with help of God. All the very best..

[scarlet37]

Have you contacted your local office of aging? Although your mom is fairly young they could  still give you a host of options, as well as references in your area. There are probably county or state reference guides in your local yellow pages too. You could even try a call to the local hospital's social worker,they have alot of contacts.I would also keep in touch with mom's dr. to let him/her know how dpressed your mom has been under the circumstances, they would probably be able to help as well. Good Luck to you and I hoope things work out.
   God Bless.

[caregiver222]

Also join the American Geriatric Society and get their excellent training manuals on caregiving.

[caregiver222]

There are many sources of guidance, from the Bible to the Queran to the Talmud regarding your responsibilities.

This person brought you into this world and you have an obligation to them that surpasses your obligation to wealth or personal enjoyment. That is your obligation to the life-force.

Read "Meditations" by Marcus Aurelius:

"A man must do his duty and let other things trouble him not for they are things without rhyme or things without reason, or things that have rambled and know not the way."

As for a psychiatrist or a psychologist I don't think much of either suggestion. You need an outside caregiver to share responsibility part of the time. I recommend deep massage as a way to have your stress relieved and an ocasional valium.


My little 101 year old stroke patient was smiling and happy from a bus ride today. I structure her day for lots of small decisions. She has two dresses to choose from every day. Two hats to choose from (or three). She is never just ":served" lunch or dinner but asked. "Do you want lunch now?" She invariably delights in answering "no" and then saying a half hour later "I'm hungry". I painted her room this week and gave her a choice of two colors. When we go out in the park she points the direction with her fingers. I never countermand her suggestions. She always gets two choices of beverage.

To live for today and to love for tomorrow is the wisdom of a fool, because tomorrow is promised to no one.