What guidelines do I give an addict who lives with me?
I have a 26 yr old son who is an opiate addict and lives with me. He has overdosed twice , the last time was late October. He then said he wanted to quit and went to rehab. He stayed only 7 days stating he did not need to be there any more.
He grew up watching his father abuse alcohol and in the past few years of his life he also abused drugs.. he passed away last march at age 46 from heart failure brought on by the drug abuse. Alcohol abuse also runs in my family, also mental illness and depression. My son lived with his father at the time, he considered him to be his best friend. My son has always been somewhat anxious and was diagnosed with ADD as a teenager and recently again as an adult.
He was on suboxone for about a month and a half after rehab . He just decided he did not need it any more and said all he needed to take was neurotin, which was also prescribed to him.
Until a few weeks ago he lived with his cousin until she found out he was using and she told him he had to leave. He tried to deny it at first, but we could tell and we later found needles and pills. He uses morphine, snorts xanax and later we found out he was also snorting ritalin.
He asked to stay at my house and I know he is not clean , right now it is 3 am and he left about an hour and a half ago, saying he could not sleep and was going jogging. I told him I knew he was lying and I did not think it was a good idea for him to leave , but he denied it and said he would be back shortly.
He has basically no coping skills right now, he is really impulsive and spends money very rapidly. He received a large insurance check from his father passing away and spent it on drugs and shopping. He now receives a monthly pension amount also. At this point I dont know what to do , I tried talking to him but he wont go to rehab or any counseling or meetings. He previously told me after he left rehab that if he relapsed he would go to meetings , but he refuses. He basically has no where else to go ....no one in the family is going to let him live with them, they are afraid he will overdose again. He has been in jail for drug related charges and cannot afford to get into trouble.
Where do I start now? He does have a couple uncles that I can call and they can come and talk to him again, but he ususally just agrees with what we say just to get us off his back. I cant keep laying awake at night wondering and crying,
Where do I start? I would appreciate any advice. I am not sure if I have the heart to kick him out.
I appreciate your dilemma. You sound like a very nice person who is being taken advantage of by your son. I think that you need to set some ground rules as a condition of him continuing to live with you. Yu are best suited for determining exactly what they will be but your son needs to have to accept responsibility for his life style and right now he has none.
Meetings are a must for him. He just can’t function on his own and for sure can’t manage his own recovery plan if one as even in place. He sounds like he needs to be in a supervised treatment enter where leaving is not an option if that is an affordable option for him.
I would be glad to talk to him if he were receptive to that.
I know what you are going through. It's hard. My husband was an addict for a while and everyone told me to kick him out and I couldn't. I just tried to keep him positive and talked to him about it. I kept talking about his goals and stuff that he wanted to do with his life. It was hard. Lost everything because of it. Although my husband was never "caught" and sent to jail or anything like that. I'm sure that would have helped to break him of it. As for your son I think maybe he should see a therapist. I think most of his problems are due to his father and as you said he was his best friend at one point before he died. He's suffering inside and that's his way of dealing with it and covering up all the pain because he doesn't know how to REALLY deal with it. He's hiding. My husband while addicted thought of nothing but himself and where/when his next pill was coming from. We lost our apartment and everything. Lived in hotels and wasted all money on pills. At one point we were living in our car and that STILL didn't make him snap completely. It wasn't til we were seperated and he didn't see the kids and he had basically no where to live that he realized he's screwed up. He kept getting caught up here and had to move to another city to help stop. Now he's 9 1/2 hours away doing great and has a job, just waiting to get enough money to move with him. I think sometimes they have to get to the NO WHERE point before they do something. He knows he will be able to live there with you. He knows he'll have somewhere to go and someone to "support" him. Not that you are, or want to that is, but as my family always told me I was allowing him to keep it up. I was enabling him to keep doing these things, even if I didn't think I was. I just didn't want to see him living under a bridge and something happen to him. I lost everything, my apt, money, my car even got repossessed. I still didn't want to leave when I did but by that time I had 16 month old daughter and newborn son and had to do for them now. It was hard, but it's the only thing that made him snap. It might come down to kicking him out for him to realize. But I would try to talk to him again and see if he will join this site! It's hard for people to get help from people they love sometimes. Makes no sense I know, but sometimes hearing things from strangers you don't feel like you are being attacked I guess. And also hearing it from fellow addicts/recovering addicts helps too. He'll know it CAN be dealt with and there is a way out. But like I said I think it stems from within (as most addictions do) and with his father. Good luck :)
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