TTC Over 40 User Group
down side to pregnacy and the older mother
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support group for women who are trying to conceive or have conceived a child over the age of forty

Founded by naturschld on October 1, 2009
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down side to pregnacy and the older mother

Hi all,
Had a pretty tough day today. Feeling sorry for myself!  My husband and I have jointly made the decision to keep our TTC status private, but this can  lead to  situations where some people think  they can say stuff to me which can sometimes be difficult for me to handle. To day out of the blue there was a double whammy waiting for me. I heard this morning that a woman I know, who is of similar age to me has gotten pregnant and apparently wasnt even trying. Good news! What frustrated me was that this lady has drunk and smoked since she was a teenager to her hearts content and I have done neither but lived a clean life and worked very hard. Wheres the justice??? I know I sound like a very mean jealous  but the truth is I are truly not jealous of her but am feeling very empty and down in myself. I rejoice everytime I hear of an over 40 getting a BFP, but to day I just feel maybe I should have done the drinking and smoking thing!
The second whammy to hit me today was that I met a lady who has a little girl with Down Syndrom (syndrome). This lady is around fifity and her little girl is around seven. This lady was having a very bad day and stuggling with caring for her daughter, who has a heart condition. She has absolutly no idea that I am trying for a baby. The words which still ring in my ears are when she said that she would never have allowed herself to become pregnant if she had realised the agony of raising a child with special needs and the strain on herself and her husband worrying over who will care for her daughter when they get too old.
Does anyone else sometimes get overwhelmed when stuff up and bites them ??????  This rant probably makes me sound totally self absorbed so feel free to tell me to get a grip!

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7 Comments
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1272624_tn?1395437957
Hi honey, I know it's tough, we are young! Don't give up and you ARE allowed TO FEEL any way you need to to get through this....my mom had my brother at 18 and me at 19, she waited 19 years to have our baby brother, she had him at 39, back then it was risky...she's 63 and he is 25, life is short, when he was 2 and she 41 she had her first heart attack,triple by pass, diabetes etc....you never know when your time is up...a 25 yo could die early a 44 yo mom could live to 100....don't let them get you down...I have a 21 and 14 dd who have done nothing but rip my heart out of my chest about wanting to have a baby with my DH who doesn't have any, my 14 yo moved out of my house last night while away....I'm sick, but I'm not going to let any one ruin my dream! We need to stick together and not let what other people think of us taint what we deserve!
Than you forbletting me vent...great big hugs to you!
Melanie
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961574_tn?1396297129
I think my biggest downfall is, I don't feel old.  I don't feel 43.  Although, my hubby and I are doing donor eggs, and won't have t worry about the special needs of a down syndrome baby, we still wonder how we are going to keep up with "little one's".  
We often joke that we are going to be the house all the teenagers are going to want to hang at in the evenings, because we will be upstairs dead to the world, because a)we're so tired b)we're blind and can't see what's going on, and c)because we will be deaf and won't be able to hear what's going on either.  But, on the other hand?  I cannot imagine a world without a child to raise.  I spent my 20's and most of my 30's trying Not to get pregnant... now I would give my right arm!  
My husband and I keep our ttc pretty quiet too... I hate when the "young" people I work with say things like "I want kids now.... I don't want to be old and in my 30's and just starting having kids!" or "I don't know why older woman have kids...." ect... I hurts my feelings.... but this is the way my life has turned out.  It just is. My husband has an uncle that 3 years older then him, so his grandma had children in her 40's also...
I look at people like Kelly Preston and Marcia Cross and of course Celine Dion.... if they can do it, SO CAN WE!  
Think how much more you can give a child now then you could have when you were younger... how much you Won't have to due "without" because your just starting out... how much more patience you have now.... AND... By Far.... How much More GRATEFUL you will be to be blessed with a little bundle of joy, and and will embrace every minute you get to spend with your child!!!!!!!!
Get Mad... but don't let it slow your dream down!!!  
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1241508_tn?1313009682
Both of you are on point. I'll be 41 this year and proud to be here. I read some of the younger pregnancy forums and there are women much younger than we are experiencing some of the same problems, ttc, pregnancy loss, chromosome disorders, etc. These issues can be presented to anyone, regardless of their age and lifestyle history. I plan to enjoy whatever time God gives me. Whether I'm watching my kid play from the porch or playing in the yard with my child. Im hoping for hsealthy babies for all of us!
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Avatar_f_tn
Hi, I had my son in 40 and I will be 43 in two months and still ttc for my 2nd (had m/c last yr and chemical in May). I guess I need to plan a bit better for every one in my family as I will be 60 when my son turns 20, LOL. But I dont worry and I feel actually younger since my son was born. I am telling myself to enjoy everyday and keep healthy as there is a little man needs me standby for him.

It might be a bit harder to ttc in our age, but I believe we all will get blessed sooner or later.
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1281900_tn?1320340002
I hear you girl. But don't listen to anyone (only us here on Med) and your doctor..I know how ppl can be so cruel. Go for your dreams. I know its not fair that someone who is abusing their boby gets it all and the others who are working so hard to have one can't. Its' not justice but its life. As far older women having babies with DS younger women in their 20's also have babies with it. SO follow your dreams and just keep things to your self. Here is a little about me. I have 4 older kids 23,21,19,15 went through a divorce and now I am with a new DH he has no kids and wants one so bad. He is alot younger than me and I get ppl telling me crap all the time, both about me wanting to have a baby and being with him. I am ME and nobody can make me happy but me so He makes me happy so there..LOL...I hope I made sense...

Hugs
PS. Keep your chin up and GO GET YOUR DREAM
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Avatar_f_tn
I'm sorry you have had these two things happen today. Every pregnancy has a chance that things will not be perfect (whatever that means). My sister is severely intellectually disabled (probably similar to the bad end of down syndrome) and my mother was in her 20's when she had her. Age is just one risk factor.

I like to think that 100 years ago women had children in their 30's and many died in childbirth. Even the ones who lived probably had life expectancies of 60 or so ie 30 years after having a baby. So we have babies at 40 and expect to live to 70 or 80 and our later years are so much more healthy nowadays too. What's the difference?

Good luck to you and your husband and take care.
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1352166_tn?1280699281
Hi there I sooooo can relate to this  just the same!  its not a  great feeling at all.  as I just learened  one of our friends   ex friends  just became  pregnant  and shes only 22 an d again wasnt even trying, so i became if it is  at least  the right name for it  after  m/c  twice  post partum  i felt so depressed by it.  i normally do not do any  laundry folding  till a  week later  and  yester day i did all my washing  and bed clothing  and folded  everything  in half hours worth  my  anger  when i have it  comes out in cleaning and it shows , when hubby sees me with a broom in hand or vacumm he says love u dear see u later dear  he knows to get outta my way lol..  and today i feel  great again so i only allow  so much to come  thru  then i try my best to  shake it out.  the best way to get  the anger  out is to do  what you love doing  best. keeping  busy at  something  helps.  hang in there its gonna be our turn  realllllll  soooon  ...
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