Hi, I am eighteen years old, and ever since I was 5, I knew I was attracted to guys. I have dated girls and I don't really mind it, but when I am with a guy, it's like...more intense...and new? I guess?
I kissed my best friend when I was 5, and it wasnt just a peck, it was a pretty drawn out thing. I have never had sex with a guy, I have came close however. I just kind of backed out of it I guess? My sister who is 25, calls me a fag and other discouraging names when she is mad at me. My mom knows I like guys, and she has seen me with guys and all, and she has told me that she will love me no matter what. I feel really fortunate to have a mom like that. I feel really sad for the kids who come out to there parents and peers, only to get called names, and discouraged. I also live in a smaller town, where I dress different, and I have my hair different. Everyone in this town kind of shuns me off for it I think. They are all a bunch of country hicks who have nothing better to do. So needless to say, Its hard for me to make friends here. I moved here from Las Vegas, I actually had friends there, because its a bigger city and more oppurtunities. I also wear makeup, tight band shirts, and tight jeans. Im not suicidal but sometimes it just gets me down. People say that if I want to have friends and have a life, I need to conform, and I dont think thats right. I have seen plenty of kids that dress like me and they have friends...so I dont really understand what im doing wrong. I am also really soft, I get hurt easily. I'm deffenitly not a "manly man" but its not like im a cross dresser, lol. My sexual feelings are about the same wheather im with a guy or a girl, depending if I have feelings for them. I don't need councling or any of that, Im perfectly normal.
I think its the city that I live in, and because its filled with illegal's and punjabi's, it makes it even harder.
I mean, its like...why not move to mexico or india? thats how it feels living in my town....
i know its not easy to represent a smaller musical subculture, i spent all of high school being condescended to for my wild hair and band shirts, then i got to college, and people stopped caring, things get easier. it depends on where you are, and i've learned that when you stop being aware of your loneliness, your clothes, etc...other people stop noticing too, and it makes things much easier. i adore your mother for being so supportive and openminded, maybe channel some of that into your opinions on "illegals and punjabis," observations like that don't make friends easy, be careful. .....just a note. :)
Dont care about what other people thinks, Be yourself. And yes as you get older things get easier. Im assuming your BI, so hang out with alot of girls, just be friends. When other girls discover that you have a connection and hopefully you are not like most guys they will form a close connection with you. And girls talk to boys so with a good connection to alot of girls, they will pass a positive impression on to the dudes. Be open and try to never leave something negative against someone, be positive with everyone you meat. Hope this helps.
It sounds to me that you are either homosexual and are just dating girls to try and conform and kid yourself into feeling like your ''normal'' or your bisexual and find both guys and girls attractive. If your either its not a big deal and people who think it is should just go and get a life.
I hope things work out for you my friend good luck.
Hey, I'm not gay, but I know how you feel. I probably look a lot like you, haha. My best advice would be to disregard all of the ignorant people who just can't move past it. That's basically all you can do. Other than that, being proud, I guess. It really depends on how you want to handle it. Hope things work out for you.
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