Aa
Am I a pedophile?
Hi, so I'm not even sure if i'm writing to the right people/person.. I've looked at some of the questions regarding being a pedophile..
I'm 17 years old girl, and yesterday I was watching an episode of this tv series where a phedophile person was and it some memories came back to my mind..
When I was 12/13 years old, I remember being aroused and I've purposely pressed my 1/2 years old niece onto me and I feel like vomiting just thinking about it, and I hate myself.. I feel like hurting myself because it's just horrible and disgusting.. Does this mean I'm a pedophile or something?
I would highly appreciate if you'd reply.
Thank you.
I'm 17 years old girl, and yesterday I was watching an episode of this tv series where a phedophile person was and it some memories came back to my mind..
When I was 12/13 years old, I remember being aroused and I've purposely pressed my 1/2 years old niece onto me and I feel like vomiting just thinking about it, and I hate myself.. I feel like hurting myself because it's just horrible and disgusting.. Does this mean I'm a pedophile or something?
I would highly appreciate if you'd reply.
Thank you.
Hi, it's hard to say what it means, but unless you have often had a desire to have a sexual experience with a child, or you fantasize about such things, I would say you are not a pedophile. Everyone has random unusual impulses every now and then; certainly 12-year-olds do. It does not sound like you are saying you desire to press against small children (or ever have, other than that time you described). If you were a pedophile, you would know that is what sexually turns you on, which it sounds like it does not.
Young kids often press against a doll, blanket or stuffed animal with their genitals. It doesn't mean they have a doll fetish or a blanket fetish, it means they have discovered that their genital area has a lot of nerves that tingle and they have found something to press on.
The only part of your story that (in your shoes) I'd wonder about a bit is that you chose a living person instead of an object to press against. That makes it seem like, at 12/13, you didn't see a difference between a 1/2 year old as an autonomous person with the right to the integrity of her own body, and anything else you might press on. Any ideas about why not? I wouldn't worry about it too much -- after all, kids hit, shove, tickle and hug each other all the time and are not troubled by invading each other's space. But the part I'd think about is why your cousin seemed so available, or possibly if you yourself ever got invaded in such a way when small.
If you have access to a counselor and it is troubling you a lot, you might get a lot of benefit from seeing one.
Young kids often press against a doll, blanket or stuffed animal with their genitals. It doesn't mean they have a doll fetish or a blanket fetish, it means they have discovered that their genital area has a lot of nerves that tingle and they have found something to press on.
The only part of your story that (in your shoes) I'd wonder about a bit is that you chose a living person instead of an object to press against. That makes it seem like, at 12/13, you didn't see a difference between a 1/2 year old as an autonomous person with the right to the integrity of her own body, and anything else you might press on. Any ideas about why not? I wouldn't worry about it too much -- after all, kids hit, shove, tickle and hug each other all the time and are not troubled by invading each other's space. But the part I'd think about is why your cousin seemed so available, or possibly if you yourself ever got invaded in such a way when small.
If you have access to a counselor and it is troubling you a lot, you might get a lot of benefit from seeing one.
4 Comments
As I've said in my earlier comment, I have never felt or did anything sexual involving a child and I will never do it. The mere thought of me just childishly thinking I could just press her against me is disgusting and horrible. I remember asking myself "what the hell are you doing" and I've just started playing with her 'cause it was horrible. As I've said, I have never thought or done anything to a child and never will. I just hate myself for actually doing something like that. I was a foolish child/teenager and I honestly feel right now as if I didn't know myself.
The problem is that I won't be able to talk to a counsellor about it because I just don't even want to say it.
Thank you very much for replying, you don't know how much it means to me.
The problem is that I won't be able to talk to a counsellor about it because I just don't even want to say it.
Thank you very much for replying, you don't know how much it means to me.
Plus I remember not even pressing her onto myself. She just came closer and I just stopped and got real scared and afraid.
I'd appreciate it if you'd reply again.
I'd appreciate it if you'd reply again.
Counsellors have heard lots worse. If you are contemplating self-harm, that is pretty much the time to see a counselor even if what is making you want to hurt yourself were the memory of stepping on a grasshopper. In other words, the intensity of your emotional reaction now is what is important, not the thing that brought it on.
Could not agree more with Mrs. Brooke here!
Hello!
Remember to just breath. Sometimes just thinking you are something can make you feel like you are. Can you remember having any sexual desires involving a young child recently? Or has that been the only one?
-Norden77
Remember to just breath. Sometimes just thinking you are something can make you feel like you are. Can you remember having any sexual desires involving a young child recently? Or has that been the only one?
-Norden77
2 Comments
Hi there, no I don't have and didn't have any sexual desires involving a young child recently. When it happened, I immediately stopped it and of course didn't continue. I have never felt sexual feelings towards young children and I actually don't know why have I done that with my niece (I didn't feel any sexual feelings towards her, either). I was a foolish child/teenager and I don't know what came up to my mind since I've never done something like that or thought about it. The feelings that I've been feeling yesterday were horrible, and I've actually thought about harming myself because it's just horrible.
Thank you so much for replying!
Thank you so much for replying!
Hello again!
In all honesty I do not think you are a pedophile. I think, it was just hormones being well- hormones. However, if you are still thinking about self harm please speak with someone! I'm sure many people on here would be happy to listen. That includes me. : )
In all honesty I do not think you are a pedophile. I think, it was just hormones being well- hormones. However, if you are still thinking about self harm please speak with someone! I'm sure many people on here would be happy to listen. That includes me. : )
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