Recently found out im pregnant and new to this....i need advice!!!1

[Jessann2011]

Hi.. um im 18 years old 19 this year... i took two pregnancy tests both saying the same thing postive :(. im leaving for England in 20 days.  to restart my life over, so this means college work everything.. im considering the adoption route. i have  a family here where i live that have been trying for 14 years. and im willing to help. but I NEED HELP..

whats the best decisions.
has anyone gone through this if so. please help feelings wise. i dont know if i must be happy or hate my self.

im soo confused...
its horrible :(. im alone in this. if i tell my family ill get kicked out.. what to doo :(. so many decisions.

[Jessann2011]

hey thank you very much for the advice ill do the pros and cons. but we all have decided to keep the baby now. at least in england ill have a calming family there. where as where im living its all negative. so yeah. ill be home in england soon xxx

[Jessann2011]

thank you again.
update on my progress. my mum wants me to keep it. and iv told my ex who is the father and he seems extremely happy. so im keeping him/her. its going to be hard but if i have love and support then ill cope. :) im currently in africa. but leaving to england in a few weeks, and the father of my child is staying here. bt he will be coming over for the birth and we will skype everyday. so finger crossed it works. he wants to move over, but we wil see i love him and everything but is family now hate me for some reason. when he spilt up with me.

[sweetpea03]

I'm glad you are not thinking of abortion, though I want to point out that you need to think about your future and the baby's future. I would suggest that you write down on paper the pros and cons of each option, in comparing adoption and keeping the baby. If you keep the baby and still go to college, it will be much more difficult to keep up with all of the work and I don't know how often you'd be able to see your baby if you are also working in order to provide for yourself and the baby. If you give the baby up for adoption, it will be difficult to do that, but at the same time the family who will take in the baby is also prepared and ready for him or her. I've seen both sides from my cousins, and neither decision will be easy. One kept her baby and struggled a lot to work and be a young mother, ending up dropping out of school. My other cousin gave her baby up for adoption, and keeps in touch with the adoptive parents, watching her child grow from afar. She thinks about her baby all the time, but knows she was not prepared to be a mother and gave her baby a better life than she could offer. She just graduated last fall from college. You do have a lot to think about, so try writing it down on paper, as that can make it easier to see and really work through.

[Clysta]

Well it definitely is possible to work through it and keep the child. You might not feel excited for awhile. Things change when you actually see the baby, or feel movements. You might not even like pregnancy. Nothing says you have to. I didn't. I hated it. I was sick nonstop and was miserable. I hated my baby, my body, and I hated other women who had perfect pregnancies. Then I started to feel her move and I knew that she didn't do anything to cause this, and she wasn't intentionally making me so ill. Give it time, let the shock wear off. You'll start to come around as things progress.

[Jessann2011]

Hey.

Thank you for the advice.. abortion is not in my thinking.
um i broke the news to my mum right now. she told me i must wait for the adoption.. she said we could work through this. but i still havent gotten the excitement feel. happy feel so im scared im gonna fail but im trying to think positive i have my first scan tomorrow...

[Clysta]

Well best decisions would be what you can handle. You have three choices, only two of which I would recommend. You can keep the child, adopt out or abort. I won't recommend abortion though, because you made the choice of sex and children are the product of that. If you choose to go that route though, that's your own personal choice. Be warned this though does often have lingering effects, and many women struggle for many years with depression and guilt because they killed their child. Some never think twice about it. Adoption would be a wonderful route to follow if you can not keep the child yourself. It will allow a family who can't have one of their own to raise the child and give them a life. You first need to be open with your family. You can't hide it, and when you make the choice to have sex you grow up fast. Especially when pregnancy comes as a result. Regardless of how they react, they'll find out eventually and it's best to do it now than later. It's also best they find out from you, rather than someone else. You just need to be upfront and honest. If adoption is what you want to do, you would then also need to decide what type of adoption you want.There are a few options as well, such as open and closed adoption. In an open adoption you know the family and usually would maintain contact. A closed adoption is one where the families haven't met and the child doesn't know they were adopted or who their true parents are. There are pros and cons to each thing. Open adoptions are the "norm" or at least are becoming more of a standard practice today. You would need to discuss this with an agent, as well as the family you have in mind if that's what you choose. They'll be able to give you more information about this. You also have to bear in mind the fathers thoughts as well and if he wants the child, or what he supports you doing. He might want to keep the baby and if that's the case you need to work things out with him as well.

As for how you should feel, that's really your own thing. There's no point in dwelling on it because what's done is done. Things happen in life, and we just need to accept and work on it and then move on. You can however use it as a future lesson. Sex is NOT made for pleasure and as you've learned has tough consequences. You have a lot to think about, but in the end only YOU can decide what's right. Do not let anyone---family, boyfriend, internet, anything---make your choice for you. (Yes I understand I sound biased, especially about abortion but I personally detest the idea of it)