Wife refuses to seek help

[StrugglingSpouse]

Hello, My wife was diagnosed with Grave's disease about 4 years ago when our daughter was born (pregnancy induced hypertension they called it), received treatment to her Thyroid, and now is on Synthroid the rest of her life.  Since then, she has become incredibly difficult to deal with.  She is extremely irritable, blows up at the drop of a hat, and constantly blames me for how miserable she is.   Her doctor's tell her that her level's are OK, yet she does not tell them the critical problems she is having in her home.  I have tried to explain to her family my experiences with her, but they don't see it because she is able to hide it around them.  She has them totally fooled, and they won't listen to me.  My family has experienced her mood swings and understands what I am going through, but we are at loss because she won't go to the doctor and get help.  She is extremely stubborn and again, blames me for all her issues in life. I have been supportive to no end, but don't know how much longer I can be the whipping post for her mood swings.  On top of that, I have two little girls that I brought into the marriage with me that experience the same type of chaos with her moods as I do, only they do not understand because they are kids.  Looking back, I lost my wife four years ago and don't know what to do.  I promised to be here for her in sickness and in health, but she refuses to get help. I am at a desperate for any advice anyone who is dealing with or has dealt with similar conditions.

Thanks!

[Nicki1433]

I was diagnosed with hashimoto's thyroidis and also thyroid cancer.  After treatment, I had my second son and became the same way with my husband...hard to deal with.  I finally called my doctor and he prescribed me Lexapro (antidepressant/antianxiety).  I was previously, anti-anitdepressants...but they turned me back into my old self again.  Thyroid problems make you much more prone to depression and anxiety.  Maybe print out some things on psychology & thyroid problems or call and ask a counselor for some information to show your wife.  Only she can ask for help, but maybe if she sees proof that she can be helped she will reach out.  After starting Lexapro, I feel better than I have felt in 3 years both physically and mentally.

[SuzieQTT]

I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's Thyroiditis and went through a Total Thyroidectomy...not necessary the standard treatment but my symptoms had gone untreated for so long...because the doctor thought my levels were "Within Normal Limits".  I am just now acknowledging how things have been in the past.  I had severe mood swings, Uncontrollable frustration and felt helpless and hopeless.  I was afraid I was going crazy but then logic would kick in and I would know that there was truly something wrong with me.  Let me tell you that I am a mother of two daughters ages 20 and 23 and a son age 8.  I have 4 stepchildren ages 22,21, 18 and 13 (all but the 18 year old are boys).  Because of their ages the only ones of my stepchildren that come for visitation every other week now is the 13 year old.  The others we see as they make time in their busy lives at least a few times a week (three live out of the area).  I know over the last year I have had really bad episodes of getting upset or even angry because someone made comments or made messes and expected me to clean up after them, sometimes realistic things but then it got to the point that little things bothered me that normally would not have phased me.  I couldn't control it, I couldn't control how I felt and I couldn't make anyone listen.  Finally I spoke to my Primary Care doc and she sat and talked with me for a long time and then ran a series of test to make sure all of my levels were not out of line.  My husband and I spoke with her together and that is when I saw how bad it was getting and he understood a little more about it as well.  The only thing I can suggest is to continue being understanding with her but don't let her cross any lines...my husband would let me know when he thought things were unreasonable.  But be careful how you do it...he always lets me know now that he understands how the disease affects me, how the medicine affects me and how helpless it makes me feel...but he also lets me know how it makes him feel.  I suggest talking calmly with each other then approach the doc with it.  Do it now before it destroys something between you both and you look to outside options....

Let me know how it goes!
Suzie

[skymax2000]

First, you are a good husband because you acknowledge her disease and want her to get help. Second, she really can't help the mood swings. I was her and the moodiness and rage is like pressure that needs release. I know I was not receptive to nagging and someone in my face telling me to get help because there's something wrong with me. It made me defensive and I could argue and be crazy for hours and hours. You are in a tough situation because doctors don't know everything about thyroid disease and she needs to really get them to listen to what's going on. I got help because we had a baby and I wanted to be a good mom. Have you tried writing her a letter? Tell her that you are concerned for her health and and long-term affects of stress on her body. Tell her you have been researching the disease where rage is a symptom and perhaps she should seek a second opinion. Then tell her what she is doing to the children. Finally, if she just does not want to get help, you have to think about your children. I don't want to offend you here but I would never let anyone be mean to my child.