my wife wanted to leave me 3 weeks ago and was today told she has hyperthyroidism

[spencerz26]

my wife has slowly become completely emotionally distanced from me for the last couple months and it the last 3 weeks told me first that she didnt love me any more, then she wanted to work on it, then she just said she just said that so i didnt feel bad and she didnt want to be with me anymore and had no desire to work on it then we had a couple good days that we got along ok but then i noticed she wasnt wearing her wedding ring so i questioned her about it and it came out that she likes someone else she has now been texting back and forth with this guy for a week(she just said likes and that she didnt tell him how she felt).  i insisted that she go see a doctor because i thought there had to be some kind of hormone problem or something because we have a 9mo. old baby and she is still breastfeeding,  they did a blood test and found that she has an overactive thyroid today.  i am prepared to do whatever it takes to make this work i love her more than life its self. ( aside form my children of course).  the thing that concerns me is that she only seems to be detatching from me is that normal for this disease i NEED to know if its the disease or if she really doesnt love me if she is supposed to be emotionally unavailable shouldnt it be with everyone or not this thing about this other guy is killing me and i need to know if this is characteristic of the disease or not.  just at a total loss and dont know what to do or what steps to take to deal with this. please help???    :-(

[spencerz26]

also will she ever really love me again or will her feelings for this other guy remain after the treatment? do graves and hyperthyroidism have the same effects or is one more severe than the other? do both cause the mental problems? how soon after they test further and properly diagnose this and begin treatment can i expect results??  please help i feel emotionally beaten down, and need to know what to expect

[goolarra]

Remember "in sickness and in health"?  This will test your vows.

I can't answer a lot of your questions.  All I can tell you is that thyroid dysfuncton can affect every part of your body and every part of your life.  Hang in there, support your wife and see how it all plays out...no easy answers right now.

From what I understand, virtually all hyperthyroidism IS Graves'.  One exceptiopn to this is postpartum thyroiditis (PPT), which is a variant of Graves'.  Graves' is an autoimmune disease, diagnosed by checking for antibodies in the blood.  Make sure your wife has a TSI test, which is considered the definitve test for Graves'.  PPT is a "temporary" condition characterized by an initial hyper phase which often turns into a hypo phase.

Your doctor will run further tests and then make recommendations on his proposed treatment.  At every step along the way, it's very important for you to research carefully everyting he says.  Read everything you can and ask as many questions here as you feel necessary.

If your wife is hyper, the first course of treatment is often anti-thyroid meds, e.g. methiazole or PTU.  These work fairly quickly, but it can take time for the dose to be adjusted properly.

Try to muster every ounce of self-confidence you possess.  Your wife needs you now even if SHE doesn't realize that.  You know, we only hurt the ones we love the most...no need to detach from those further away.  Give it some time and all your effort...Trust me, your wife is not herself right now.  

[spencerz26]

i am 100% devoted to do whatever i need to.  my concern is more whether she will even stay with me or not i cant be with her if she wont be with me. you know

[spencerz26]

thanks for the advise any reasurance is extremely helpful i just hope the doc can do something before that happens

[spencerz26]

should i try to do nice things for her? even if she seems to not care or acts like she doesnt want me to?  i dont know how to act around her she doesnt want me to touch her at all not even put my arm around her.  if i tell her i love her she is just silent or gets mad at me, do i keep being presistant or do i give her the space she wants its so hard to be like this because we used to be sooo close she was almost too clingy but now i miss it more than anything and she wants nothing to do with me.   any tips on how to deal with this or keep her from leaving?

[Barb135]

I agree with goolarra that thyroid dysfunction can affect every part of the body and your wife is not herself right now.  It sounds like she may be as uncertain about things as you are.  

I think trying to "be yourself" is best, right now, which. I know isn't easy, but she still needs to know you love her and are there for her.  Don't forget you have children to think about, also and it's necessary to keep their lives as stable as possible.

Has the doctor ordered more tests yet, or given an indication of possible treatment?  

[yankeeRN]

Speaking from personal experience with hyperthyroidism I can say that most people with this can be irritable--I know I was--I could feel it and it was unlike me to be that way..it can be a vicious cycle...you are short with someone and then you feel bad and repeat the cycle...may people pissed me off....I had to bite my tongue at work but at home I vented...now that my thyroid levels are within the normal range I can see the difference but before I couldn't...not sure if that helps you.  I am sure that it must be frustrating on many levels for this to be happening to you and your wife with her distancing....I didn't distance my husband but I was very vocal about any annoyances where as before I just blew it off. One thing that you might be able to do is help around the house if you don't already ( laundry, picking up the house or at least not contributing to the clutter, get up at night with the baby)..this will show her that you care...do nice things but don't expect anything in return. Give her a bit of time. Buy her flowers....they don't have to be expensive especially if you can't afford it....many times at the grocery store they sell fresh flowers and you could pick up an inexpensive vase at a department store. Write her a letter of how you feel..pour your heart out..she will read this over  again and again and it will be a reminder to her of how you feel..let her think about things.  Show her that you love her by doing nice things like you said ...it will be difficult for you not getting to have her close or touch her but you need to tear that wall she has built up and remember she is not really thinking as clearly as she normally would be because of this hyperthyroidism.  y doctor said that some people even think they are going  crazy with the hyperthyroidism because they can be so shaky, have a lot of nervous energy, be going 90 miles per hour, are forgetful, etc   Best of luck...I looked at your family pic in the post and it's a beautiful family pic:)

[spencerz26]

never take the things in life you love for granted because they might be ripped away at any time!!!

[a584393]

Has she been experiencing or tested for depression too? The beginning stages of a thyroid disorder are the most confusing and yes it can mess with the chemical balence in your brain, it's hard to say at this point if it's the disorder talking or your wife. My thyroid levels have been stable for a few years and I was diagnosed when young so I can't really recall what it was like for me. I know now that I'm pregnant my levels are all crazy again, and depression has been a serious thing for me. I work crazy hours too so I have less of a social life, all this has been weighing me down. I know I take it out on my boyfriend more than I should but he really is oblivious to thyroid problems. When I'm overly tired it's because either I'm pregnant or just pretending, he thinks I over react when I say I'm cold and he's not...he just won't take the time to understand the symptoms of this problem. Do your wife a favor and learn all you can, with her, about this disorder. Understanding what she's going through will give you a better connection.

[yankeeRN]

So true......we never know what tomorrow brings.....but there is always hope..if not today then tomorow.....stay strong...What have they done so far for your wife's treatment of her hyperhyroidism?

[flyingfool]

I sent a private message.  Look in your mailbox on the site.

[spencerz26]

they havent done anything yet she is waiting on a phone call from the doc.  on the brighter side the guy she said she liked was actually a friend of a mutual friend of the two of us and i convinced her to talk to him and explain the situation and how if he were to really pursue her it would really be taking advantage of her being sick.  he agreed to not pursue her and she said he was definatly not a threat.  that helped my stress level tremendously as you can imagine.  but of course every time i get a little pick me up i get pummeled back down and just about 10 min ago found it no longer says we are married on our facebook pages :-(  im about ready to freak out

[blsdnsvd]

A person who is hyper or hypo can develop mood swings, if this is your concern. Your wife must get treated for her hyper condition. It seems as if you may need marriage counseling as well. There are reasons for her actions and this is what you need to find out.

I pray that all goes well.

[spencerz26]

thats the hard part she wants nothing to do with fixing it, and when i try to talk to her she just looks the other way no matter how nice and sincere i am i get no response which makes it totally impossible to solve any problems.  im hoping after treatment she will be open to some kind of counseling.  as for right now she seems to just hate me

[Barb135]

I can't help wonder why there has been no treatment started for your wife, if her thyroid levels are really high.......

I understand that your life is on an emotional roller coaster, and while we'd like to help you, it's kind of difficult right now, because we don't have a lot of info regarding your wife's hyperthyroidism, so that would be a good place to start........

It would help immensely if you could post her actual test results, along with reference ranges, which vary from lab to lab, so must come from her own report.  

Was she actually tested for Graves Disease? That would require a TSI test to confirm.  There are other incidences in which people could become hyper - such as Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, in which the person can "swing" from hyper to hypo......

Please provide more information regarding her medical circumstances, so we can help assess the situation.

[spencerz26]

The first doctors app was on last wed and they I believe only tested and found that her thyroid was over active we haven't got anything in the mail yet or anything.  I just did some research on overactive thyroid and came up with hyperthroidism and graves and was completely shocked that it could do anything like this and kinda got freaked out I guess.  Its more the not knowing whats wrong for sure that's bothering me.  She said the nurse that called her on fri said she had an over active thyroid and they would have to do thyroid regulating treatment that she couldn't breastfeed for a few days while doing.  I assume RAI?  Though it seems to me they should do a little more testing first.  The actual doctor is suposed to call her this week she says.  So hopefully I can get some info then.

[Barb135]

I don't mean to be a pain in your butt, but we really need to  know what tests were done to determine that your wife is hyperthyroid and/or has Graves.  

You can't "assume" RAI would be the course, unless that's what they said and you need to ask a lot more questions.... As far as I know, RAI would prevent breast feeding for more than a "few days"....

In order to help you (and your wife), we need to know the tests that were done to determine that she is hyperthyroid (should be a minimum of FT3, FT4 and TSH), along with sample results and reference ranges... Also have to wonder if they did antibody results to confirm Graves..

If you don't have copies of the lab results, your doctor is obligated to provide one upon request......

[blsdnsvd]

Your wife has a condition that millions of people also suffer with. If this condition effects one area of her life, it's gonna effect all. I'm not a counselor but if someone tells me that they no longer want me in their life and is very persistent, they know what they are saying and doing.

You can only be there for your wife if she wants you to. Focus on your child and trying to get her help. That's all you can do at this point.

God Bless.

[goolarra]

I agree with Barb...it's almost impossible to advise you with nothing concrete to go on.  The very best thing you can do for your wife right now is to find out from her doctor what tests were done and the results and reference ranges.  It sounds like she's feeling absolutely miserable...don't let her sit around "waiting for the doctor to call"...get on the phone and get this show on the road.  Doctors tend to attend to the squeakiest wheel first.  

[spencerz26]

the doctor called today and she is going in for a raiu test on the 22nd,  i tried to call and get her results but they wouldnt let me have them so hopefully they will send the results in the mail.  i asked her to tell them that but idk if she will.
she seems fine around everyone but me so it doesnt seem like she is that miserable to me.  she was just talking about me moving out and doesnt believe this could be why she is acting the way she is. i really hope it is why but am a little skeptical myself.

[spencerz26]

so the raiu test came back "irregular"?  she now has an appointment in fargo, nd with an endo.  i thought the raiu test would tell if it was graves or whatever else?  otherwise why do the test,  we already knew it wasn't right.  seems like they should have just sent her to fargo in the first place.  idk i guess,  i told her to ask for test info to be mailed to her but she didnt do it.  guess i'll just have to wait and see.

[goolarra]

I realize there are privacy issues involved here, and you're in a tough spot.  "Irregular" isn't much to go on...  You will probably get more detail from the endo when you see him.

Do you think she'd allow you to go to her endo appointment with her?  My husband and I no longer go to ANY doctor's appointment alone...I can't tell you how many times it's been invaluable to have a second pair of ears listening to the doctor.  With her current symptoms, your wife is probably not thinking very clearly. Does she ask you for your advice?  If so, you might mention that you really can't give her much help if you're not informed first hand.

Good luck...  

[caetlin_h]

I think you've been given some really good advice so far, and I agree that actual test results with reference ranges are so important at this point.  You'rein a difficult spot because she doesn't actually want your help, and is probably blowing off half of what you tell her -so it's going to be hard for you to actually get your hands on any results.  What about just printing off some information and leaving it for her on the table or in her car?  Print off the tests she should have, symptoms, specifics on post-partum thyroiditis, etc.  Perhaps through that avenue she'll get on the right track?  I also have to say, something from the perspective of someone who just had a baby, your hormones are so out of whack during the first yr, it can make you nuts!  She could easily be suffering from post-partum depression as well, which is no joke. Combining post-partum hormones and being hyperthyroid will make anyone nutso -I can relate. How is she with the baby?  Does she care for him/her and how is she with her friends and at work?  Would she be willing to see a therapist to get some of her "stored frustrations" out in the open?

[spencerz26]

ok so i have test results and will post them later but she went to see an endo in fargo after being referred there and had some more testing done and was diagnosed with graves and put on 10 mg twice a day of methimazole as of last thurs.  how long will it take for the meds to take effect? we were getting along pretty good for a week or so before the app. but in her eyes we are still not together i guess.  hoping the meds make her a little more emotionally open, right now she seems like theres not much heart or emotion there.