Aa
Adoption..
I'm a teen mom and my boyfriend and I had a big argument and he said he doesn't want our baby anymore and I can't do it by myself.. thinking about giving our baby up for an adoption. :(
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there, first let me say that on the woman's choice forum, we are here to support ANY decision a woman makes and we are very happy that women have options. All are equally good with no BAD decisions as it is very personal as to what is best for a mother in this situation. A woman must think about what is realistically best for her and her alone.
It can indeed be a bad time to bring a child into the world for a woman and that is when abortion is an appropriate choice. Or, if it is a bad time to raise a child yourself, adoption is a wonderful option. Or a young mom can try to take care of a baby herself if she realistically understands how hard it is and is up to the challenge. Not every choice is perfect and what might be right for one person isn't necessarily right for another.
anyway, I also think that the original post is a bit confusing. Nursegirl asked a great question ---- is the baby already here?
It can indeed be a bad time to bring a child into the world for a woman and that is when abortion is an appropriate choice. Or, if it is a bad time to raise a child yourself, adoption is a wonderful option. Or a young mom can try to take care of a baby herself if she realistically understands how hard it is and is up to the challenge. Not every choice is perfect and what might be right for one person isn't necessarily right for another.
anyway, I also think that the original post is a bit confusing. Nursegirl asked a great question ---- is the baby already here?
After rereading your OP, I think I may have misunderstood, are you pregnant now, or have you already had your baby? If so, how old is he/she?
Thanks Claire!
The OP doesn't sound like she's asking to be convinced of anything -- she's looking for information that will help her make this very difficult decision on her own. Everyone's situation is different, and we don't know much about MommyLove15's, so let's give her an opportunity to say a little more.
MommyLove15, have you talked with any friends or family members about your options?
Claire
MommyLove15, have you talked with any friends or family members about your options?
Claire
Hello there!
I'm sorry you're going through a stressful time. An unplanned pregnancy is stressful at ANY age, let alone when you're pretty much a child yourself! It's so hard to have to make such big decisions at such a young age.
Listen, the fact is, you DO have several options here. It's not going to be an easy decision, and I strongly recommend that you seek out professional help to guide you through the process of deciding what's best. Do you have a solid support system at home? Do you feel comfortable talking to your parents, or another adult? You cannot have too much support right now, you need to lean on others.
To your options...
You could keep the baby. Lots of teen moms do that and make it work, just remember that having a baby will forever change your life and while it's a wonderful blessing, it's NOT easy, at ANY age, even when you think you're "ready". It's exhausting, overwhelming, and expensive. At your young age, there is SO much to consider if you want to keep the child.
You will need a LOT of help, so you have to make sure that your parents are on board with that. They would be basically adding another child to raise. You'd have to make arrangements to finish school, and work to support baby. Child care is very expensive, you have to consider that as well, who will watch the baby while you're at school or work? Where would you live? What about future plans, for college and such? You'd have to pretty much go into this decision as if you are going to raise this child as a single mom. The statistics for teen relationships starting out like this actually working long term are abysmal I'm afraid.
Adoption is an amazing option, but again, it's not an easy decision to make, and it's not for everyone. In this day and age, bio moms are given the option of seeking out an "open adoption", which means you would be able to maintain some kind of contact with the child. You would at least know how he/she is doing, even if from afar. When the only option was a closed adoption, that decision was SO much tougher for young moms.
There are professionals you can speak to that will help you understand the process a little better. If you decide to go with adoption, it's SUCH a wonderful gift. It's also one of the most selfless decisions you can make....taking into consideration what's best for your baby, despite the fact that the decision causes you emotional pain. Speaking as an adoptee, I can tell you that SO many cases of adoption have just a wonderful ending. I had a wonderful life and have never EVER felt like anything was "missing". While I've never searched for my bio family, I can tell you that I have nothing but the utmost respect and admiration for my b-mom for making the decision she did. I harbor NO ill will toward her at all. None of us are in the position to judge another in these circumstances.
Lastly, of course, termination is an option. Of course it's another very tough decision and there are a lot of things to consider when making that decision. Despite the controversy surrounding abortion, it IS a legal and viable choice for women to make.
Whatever you do sweetie, do NOT attempt to make ANY decision about your pregnancy on a whim, impulsively. You and your BF had a fight, that should have NO bearing on your decision making process. Considering adoption for ANY other reason except wanting to do what's best for your child is not right. I'm just concerned, as it seems like out of anger, you're considering adoption, maybe to "punish" your BF somehow? Whatever you do, this decision needs to be made VERY VERY carefully, after a lot of consideration and professional counsel.
I wish you the very best, please update your thread and let us know what you decided, okay? This is a safe place where you can discuss this process openly. No one is here to judge you no matter WHAT you decide.
I'm sorry you're going through a stressful time. An unplanned pregnancy is stressful at ANY age, let alone when you're pretty much a child yourself! It's so hard to have to make such big decisions at such a young age.
Listen, the fact is, you DO have several options here. It's not going to be an easy decision, and I strongly recommend that you seek out professional help to guide you through the process of deciding what's best. Do you have a solid support system at home? Do you feel comfortable talking to your parents, or another adult? You cannot have too much support right now, you need to lean on others.
To your options...
You could keep the baby. Lots of teen moms do that and make it work, just remember that having a baby will forever change your life and while it's a wonderful blessing, it's NOT easy, at ANY age, even when you think you're "ready". It's exhausting, overwhelming, and expensive. At your young age, there is SO much to consider if you want to keep the child.
You will need a LOT of help, so you have to make sure that your parents are on board with that. They would be basically adding another child to raise. You'd have to make arrangements to finish school, and work to support baby. Child care is very expensive, you have to consider that as well, who will watch the baby while you're at school or work? Where would you live? What about future plans, for college and such? You'd have to pretty much go into this decision as if you are going to raise this child as a single mom. The statistics for teen relationships starting out like this actually working long term are abysmal I'm afraid.
Adoption is an amazing option, but again, it's not an easy decision to make, and it's not for everyone. In this day and age, bio moms are given the option of seeking out an "open adoption", which means you would be able to maintain some kind of contact with the child. You would at least know how he/she is doing, even if from afar. When the only option was a closed adoption, that decision was SO much tougher for young moms.
There are professionals you can speak to that will help you understand the process a little better. If you decide to go with adoption, it's SUCH a wonderful gift. It's also one of the most selfless decisions you can make....taking into consideration what's best for your baby, despite the fact that the decision causes you emotional pain. Speaking as an adoptee, I can tell you that SO many cases of adoption have just a wonderful ending. I had a wonderful life and have never EVER felt like anything was "missing". While I've never searched for my bio family, I can tell you that I have nothing but the utmost respect and admiration for my b-mom for making the decision she did. I harbor NO ill will toward her at all. None of us are in the position to judge another in these circumstances.
Lastly, of course, termination is an option. Of course it's another very tough decision and there are a lot of things to consider when making that decision. Despite the controversy surrounding abortion, it IS a legal and viable choice for women to make.
Whatever you do sweetie, do NOT attempt to make ANY decision about your pregnancy on a whim, impulsively. You and your BF had a fight, that should have NO bearing on your decision making process. Considering adoption for ANY other reason except wanting to do what's best for your child is not right. I'm just concerned, as it seems like out of anger, you're considering adoption, maybe to "punish" your BF somehow? Whatever you do, this decision needs to be made VERY VERY carefully, after a lot of consideration and professional counsel.
I wish you the very best, please update your thread and let us know what you decided, okay? This is a safe place where you can discuss this process openly. No one is here to judge you no matter WHAT you decide.
You can do it. Dont give up. Men come & go, your child will be here to stay. Have that baby & love him/ her with all your heart (: everything will be ok
never say what you can't do until you try. money isn't everything. you'd be amazed how much more valuable love is than money.. n not only this world but in God's eyes. He always makes a way when there seems to be none in sight. Good luck! Pray and think. Regret is one of the toughest things to live with.
See, thing that bothers me is that ya fighting so you wanna take the (what you think) is the easy way out. Honey you opened your legs, so be a woman and try n raise this child. But if you think you cant give this child (which is what this is about, not sex or a little boy) what a child needs to grow n devolope as a decent human, then yes. Go look for a better family. There are millions of stable people who cant have their own who already have a nursery just waiting for a baby.
If you make this decision, make it for the child not you bc you think daddy wont be there.
N if you think keeping it will keep him sweety your greatly wrong.
This is a life choice.
N not only yours.
The baby deserves to have a good life.
And shame on you for having sex not knowing the possibilities.
Whats wrong with this world.
Honey, my point is. Make the right choice for you and for baby. Nobody else.
Nobody is going to help you with baby
if you choose to keep it n you have to be strong.
It doesnt matter how old you are now, you are a MOM.
Make the right choice. God bless n best wishes.
N shame on whoever ya think ya are judging this girl.
If you make this decision, make it for the child not you bc you think daddy wont be there.
N if you think keeping it will keep him sweety your greatly wrong.
This is a life choice.
N not only yours.
The baby deserves to have a good life.
And shame on you for having sex not knowing the possibilities.
Whats wrong with this world.
Honey, my point is. Make the right choice for you and for baby. Nobody else.
Nobody is going to help you with baby
if you choose to keep it n you have to be strong.
It doesnt matter how old you are now, you are a MOM.
Make the right choice. God bless n best wishes.
N shame on whoever ya think ya are judging this girl.
Well its up to you of course. But it kinda sounds like he is trying to say you arnt capable of taking care of tour own baby just cuz he doesn't want to. Lots of women do it alone. But you have to do what you think is best. If you have a job and stuff and can support the baby you should :) but your choice.
In my opinion remember I said my opinion I believe you should listen to people on here about whether to choose adoption or not. I think you should seek professional help . Maybe an adoption consolor . Because some people on here are commenting rude stuff . No one is perfect and people may mistakes . And young women have unprotected sex that lead to pregnacy but it's okay that's why we have other resources, whether it be adoption or state funding, etc . Remember it's your chose.
Forget all the bad comments on her I agree with Rebeccaann11! It's your choice. If you knw you can not afford a baby && you can not handle one. Put it up for adoption you can choose what family you think is best for your child. If you dnt want your baby to grow up in a home that's struggling && living paycheck to paycheck then give him or her a better life than you could have gave him or her! P.S it doesn't matter if she had sex or not! You dnt knw her life && you dnt knw whats she's been through. You dnt even knw if she had anyone to tell her right from wrong leave her alone! Baby girl its your choice you do what you think will be better for your child!
Dont let your bf opinion drive you to make a decision you're not sure about... if he doesn't want the baby is mostly like because he doesn't want a commitment... so if you think he's gonna be with you for a while then..really think about why he doesn't want the baby! And even he weren't aroundtheres alalways family..but I dont know your life..at first I was thinking about abortion because me and my baby daddy weren't ready for a baby but then I started falling in love with my son and then I didnt give f+++ about what my bd want..and I have been doing everything by myself..Im a full time student and I part time work at McDonald's! Im buying everything for my son!! Without my bd!! But if you dont want the baby give it a better life but dont abort it... I even hate myself for thinking of abortion at first...
It is your decision to put your baby up for adoption. Yes of ccourse the baby will be cared for but you have to remember, once you make that decision you cant turn back. And your family is probaby excited for the baby and will help you in need .Think wisely.
I actually got pregnant at 17 had my daughter at 18 when I first found out I was pregnant I was scared because I was still in high school but my school offered a program where I can finish high school early if you want to keep the baby go ahead But adoption isn't bad
Think about it really well because you'll start falling in love with you're unborn baby, like I have mine when he started kicking, his first sonogram, his hiccups & everything else they do while in the womb...and im pretty sure you can do it! Dont be too negative on yourself and on what you are capable
I think you sound very brave and very smart... Don't take what people say to heart, listen to their advice and then make your OWN decision!!! My parents had me at 15 and 18 and my life was far from rainbows and butterflies. My mom was just a little girl (some girls can handle it) some can't. My dad has nothing to do with me and there are times I wish I would have been adopted my ideas of love were tarnished by my parents. I am now 24 and 3 months from 25 and I couldn't be happier to have made it ten years past my parents. Good luck sweetheart and follow your heart!
I dont think she means to be rude I mean I agree with all of you but she has a point.. besides she was just saying her opinion about it it sounds harsh but its realistic... at the end of the day its your desision but make sure you consider absolutely all the pros and cons of adoption but in glad you're strong enough to consider adoption instead lf abortion :)
My mom adopted my little bro and his been a joy in my life. He actually my favorite over my blood sister lol if you chose adoption then do pros and cons. Also make sure its what you rlly feel and not your boyfriend. But good luck! And don't let other mommas get to you
Trust me. Im adopted. Idk either parent and its hard. I have no idea whats going on with them or if theyre alive. Just think about it hard. Just because the daddy doesnt want it doesnt mean you have to give it up. You let yourself get pregnant in the first place (no offense) so you should raise it. At least thats my opinion on it. My baby wasnt planned but that doesnt mean i have anything against it. I will love this child with everything i am. And if the father doesnt want it then boo hoo on him. I have family and friends that support me no matter what so why would i not try to give my baby the life i didnt have? I have everything i need and want now. But id never let my child go. It is a part of me. And i dont care what others say or think. And no other woman should either. Its a living breathing thing not a choice. Not something to be judged over. If you do give the child up at least keep contact with it. One day that child may want to meet you or you may want to meet it and then youll have lost it. Keep it an open adoption. That way there will be no problems if contact is wanted
ignore all the negative comments. Giving up your child yes will be hard. But if you know financially you can't handle a child or even physically you can't handle a child that's fine. People have given up children for adoption for Less reasons and for more reasons but that's your own business and nobody elses.
I dont want to make a decision for her because its her decision i just wanna say my opinion to this but if she thinks its better to gives the baby away its okay and she can be a good mum if the baby grows up in another family!
Set up a meeting at an adoption agency. Talk to a support worker about all your options and the different types of adoption available.
But please don't give your baby away just because your bf doesn't want the baby. It is extremely brave of you to do this for your child to give him/her a better life. But make sure it is what you really want. Make sure you won't regret it if your bf changes his mind and decides he does want the baby and you've already had it adopted.
You've got a lot of big decisions to make. Good luck. It won't be easy
But please don't give your baby away just because your bf doesn't want the baby. It is extremely brave of you to do this for your child to give him/her a better life. But make sure it is what you really want. Make sure you won't regret it if your bf changes his mind and decides he does want the baby and you've already had it adopted.
You've got a lot of big decisions to make. Good luck. It won't be easy
dont let anyone make your decision for you, do what you know is better for the baby, and if you feel that you cant do it without the father your already makeing a good choice by being open to adoption. I had my first at 15 with the help of my husband im not gonna lie its hard but if you chose to keep baby im sure you can do it. Dont stress to much about it just be open to options and stay positive.
Adoption is wonderful. Growing up I wished I had got adopted instead I was a child who grew up in a disfunctional house hold . If you know you aren't able to take care of a child don't be selfish and give that child a better opportunity in life . There's always open adoption.
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