Aa
18 and don't know if I want the baby
Hello, me and my boyfriend have been together for over a year with one break up that lasted a week because I broke up with him. In our first relationship he gave me a promise ring but I don't have it anymore since that because it didn't end well but we got back together perfectly. In our second relationship, we decided having a baby would be a good thing at this age since my parents never made me feel apart of a family and I knew exactly how I wanted to raise my child. Then I got pregnant a few weeks ago. I was so happy. But then he tried to break up with me and after hours of begging him not to leave me, he finally realized he only made the decision because we were in a fight and it was impulsive and not what he wanted. Only thing is I can't let that go and have nothing to really know he's committed to me anymore. We just got a place together and I have my makeup artist lisence he just needs his education that he's been saving up for but I don't know if I can keep the baby without knowing he's gonna be there for us. I want to trust him with this but I'm terrified to knowing he could just leave me like that because he would have been gone if I didn't fight for him and I can't have a baby without knowing they're gonna be in a good family with two parents. I've been thinking about getting an abortion now as much as that breaks my heart and I'm against it just because I don't KNOW. I have no idea what to do. Any suggestions?
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there. Well, this is a hard one. For sure. I think you are smart to see big picture. Sometimes couples get pregnant before it is the best time in the relationship. When we are still not 100 percent sure that the relationship is a forever relationship. Sounds like this is the case. I think it is natural and actually pretty smart to look at everything involved. Lots of people don't do this and then really struggle. Reality is, it's not easy.
You know, I'd write down a list of pros and cons to having this child. I'd do it two ways. IF you can't count on him---- make a list of pros and cons for keeping the baby or giving it up for adoption or abortion. Then do the same if you are to stay a couple. Then talk to him about it. Communication is key here.
Couples do fight. And the emotion of this one--- when pregnant is a lot. I get it. But as a couple, fighting will happen. He needs to know that threatening to end things shouldn't be an option. Couples must feel like no matter what, that they will try to work through things.
On the other hand, if you fear that he could leave----- then you have to look at this realistically as well and if being a single parent is something you want to risk.
touch one. Here to help if I can.
You know, I'd write down a list of pros and cons to having this child. I'd do it two ways. IF you can't count on him---- make a list of pros and cons for keeping the baby or giving it up for adoption or abortion. Then do the same if you are to stay a couple. Then talk to him about it. Communication is key here.
Couples do fight. And the emotion of this one--- when pregnant is a lot. I get it. But as a couple, fighting will happen. He needs to know that threatening to end things shouldn't be an option. Couples must feel like no matter what, that they will try to work through things.
On the other hand, if you fear that he could leave----- then you have to look at this realistically as well and if being a single parent is something you want to risk.
touch one. Here to help if I can.
Sweetheart, this is a lot of red flags -- your young ages, no role model for parenting from an intact family, your lack of resources. This does not have to translate into an abortion, it could also translate into an adoption decision, open adoptions are available where you would hear from the adopting family. Along with RockRose, I don't think that being in a situation where you have to beg someone to stay bodes well for the future of the two of you as a couple raising a child. Can you talk to a counselor or pastor? I do know that there are a lot of couples in the world who would love to have a child to raise.
Well, no one knows for SURE that their partner will stick with them for life and help raise a child, you can only go by what you see.
I agree, there are a lot of concerns here. You broke up once, and now while you're brand-newly pregnant with a child he purposely created, he breaks up with you and only by begging you got him to stay.
It seems you have a goal of creating a secure intact family - that you didn't have growing up - and are going about it in a way where that probably won't happen.
I'm not an abortion advocate, I'm just saying it seems highly unlikely that your goal of an intact family to raise a child to adulthood will probably not happen in the situation you are in.
I agree, there are a lot of concerns here. You broke up once, and now while you're brand-newly pregnant with a child he purposely created, he breaks up with you and only by begging you got him to stay.
It seems you have a goal of creating a secure intact family - that you didn't have growing up - and are going about it in a way where that probably won't happen.
I'm not an abortion advocate, I'm just saying it seems highly unlikely that your goal of an intact family to raise a child to adulthood will probably not happen in the situation you are in.
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