Aa
want to know if its a good idea ?
I had posted a question yesturday nothing changed. But I wanted know if this was good or bad. Me and my boyfriend are goning to move in together I say bout next year in July. Well we decided to go head and you know start planning our family. I was wondering if I'm to young to start a family because I'm 18 but by the tyme we go head and do what we want I will be 19 almost 20 is it good or bad?
p.s We love each other dearly
p.s We love each other dearly
Yeah but that doesn't mean because the thought enters your mind you have to act on it either. If you still feel the same about wanting a family and if you are still in love with your boyfriend in five years then go for it...but don't do it now for the reasons you said...it's not fair on anyone involved. Least of all the baby!
The reason why I wanted to start early is because I see that mom is going through hell with my lil sister(which she had at 32). My mom is 42 and now wants to have a life because I'm bout to be out the house. But she is stuck for 8 more years. I also heard 40 is the new 30's thats why I want to start early and do what I have to do so I don't have to be miserable like my mother.
You are certaintly not too young to have a baby. Having a baby is a big step. It's not all good times. There are going to be amazing moments as well as frusturating ones. Just make sure you realize all that it means to have a baby. Only you can decide whether you are really ready. And try to prepare yourself as much as you can for what's ahead. Good luck, I'm sure whatever desician you make will be the right one for you.
I don't see what the rush would be to get married or have children. Take your time and enjoy your youth. If your love is strong you will stay together regardless of whether or not you start a family right away or wait.
Did I read that right, but did you say that when you got together romanticaly you were 15 years old and he was 22?
WAIT!
I know that isn't going to mean anything to you necessarily given that you're 18, but I hope you will listen - enjoy your youth as a free person, without obligations. Seriously - I waited, but my friends started popping out kids in their early 20s.. and while no one would regret anything, hands down we all agree that your 30s is the best time to start your family because you've had a chance to experience life.
You need the opportunity to see the world, to grow as a person, and figure out who you are. Think of how much more you can offer a child when you have lived life a bit.
There is plenty of time for babies.. have some fun first!
I know that isn't going to mean anything to you necessarily given that you're 18, but I hope you will listen - enjoy your youth as a free person, without obligations. Seriously - I waited, but my friends started popping out kids in their early 20s.. and while no one would regret anything, hands down we all agree that your 30s is the best time to start your family because you've had a chance to experience life.
You need the opportunity to see the world, to grow as a person, and figure out who you are. Think of how much more you can offer a child when you have lived life a bit.
There is plenty of time for babies.. have some fun first!
Please wait!
My husband and I got married, and I was 24 years old. I was 3 months pg (we were engaged anyway, but just got married sooner). We never got to "date" as a married couple. We went straight from living alone, to living together with a crying baby!
You definitely want to give yourself time to spend with just each other. I don't care how much you love him, there are adjustments that come when you get married. Girl, something he does is gonna drive you crazy, and I think you should be able to deal with those issues before you bring a baby into the pic.
Good luck...
and yes, you are VERY young. I know that some won't agree with me, because I was in love young, too...but so much about you will change if you give yourself a few years to mature.
My husband and I got married, and I was 24 years old. I was 3 months pg (we were engaged anyway, but just got married sooner). We never got to "date" as a married couple. We went straight from living alone, to living together with a crying baby!
You definitely want to give yourself time to spend with just each other. I don't care how much you love him, there are adjustments that come when you get married. Girl, something he does is gonna drive you crazy, and I think you should be able to deal with those issues before you bring a baby into the pic.
Good luck...
and yes, you are VERY young. I know that some won't agree with me, because I was in love young, too...but so much about you will change if you give yourself a few years to mature.
COMMUNITY LEADER
I think if you can't afford a dream wedding, in a lot of ways you can't afford a child. No, babies don't cost $30,000 right out of the box, but kids have a way of keeping the finances down to zero every month. There is not a lot of excess saving. If that is the main reason you want to have a child before a wedding, try this: work hard and save everything possible for just one year, and see how far you have come on the wedding fund. This will give you an idea of your capacity to save it up, and also a head start on it. Of course, once the baby comes you probably won't both be able to work, so this won't be an accurate test of how much you can save if you have a child, but it will really move things along if you can at least both work for a while. Then assess, at the one-year point. Are you reaching an acceptable level of savings? How much does the "dream wedding" still matter to you? How are you doing financially, and with insurance, and with buying a house and all that? Then you can decide if you need to save more in the wedding fund or it is OK to let that ride. The problem with being in a relationship is that there are always other places to put money, and you should see how that rides between the two of you for a while before making the other life-altering decisions.
Nobody can tell you what to do, but this is my personal experiance. I got married at 17 and had a baby at 18. I love my husband and kids and don't have any regrets being with them, but the regrets that I do have is I never got to live out in the world as an adult. I started out as a mother. I missed out on a lot of things I wish I could have done. Everything changes when you are a mother. It's never about just you anymore, that child always has to come first. And there is a lot that I missed out with my husband...to just enjoy each other as adults. It's much different being with the person you love as an adult then it is as a child/teen. Once you get some life experiance under your belt changes you. You might not be the same person you were 5 years ago, and you might not be the same as you are now in 5 years. All I mean is that your wants and dreams may change. You don't want to tie yourself down at such an early age. Take some time to live your life before you are responsible for another life. And honestly,if you are having a hard time affording a wedding, it's going to be hard to afford a baby. Being pregnant and delivery is expencive alone. Then you have the baby and they need things, diapers, clothes, etc. and what if the baby gets sick, a trip to the ER can cost a lot alone. Trust me, I had to learn the hard way. You should have a little nest egg saved for when you have a baby. It's going to be really really hard to get ahead after you have a baby. Take some time for yourself and your bf and just enjoy each other.
Do you have much experiance with babies?
And if you do decide to have a baby, please make sure you take your prenatals before you start trying to conceive...very important!
Do you have much experiance with babies?
And if you do decide to have a baby, please make sure you take your prenatals before you start trying to conceive...very important!
i'll have to jump in and help encourage you to wait. there's no reason to rush! it's great to have a few married years before kids if you can. especially when you're so young. you don't want to be 30 and start feeling like you missed out on your youth. it's so much easier to have children after you have done the other hard things in life: finishing school, finding the right job, and don't forget.....health insurance. those kids are mighty expensive, espeically when they get sick. and, kids deserve stability. good luck :)
I suggest you get married first too. It is really hard to afford a wedding, be it big or small, when you have kids. Your child will be 9 or 10 when you are 30 if you have him/her when you are 19 or 20. Even at that age they cost ALOT. There are extra curricular activites to consider, such as piano, dance, sports, etc. They are still going to need clothes, food, and other necesseties (sp). It will always be the choice of you and your boyfriend but these are things that you two should talk about and discuss first!!
I dont think ur ready for a baby, if you move out, think of all the utiliy bills.. like the phone bill, rent, water, trash, food, clothes, cable, groceries etc... add that up! and now can u affored a baby?? you'll have to buy diapers, wipes, formula, bottles, nipples, and the list goes on and on... please think about this some more.
I'm 25 years old, i've been married for four years, and this is our first.. and were still not ready! and she's due next month, but sense I'm in preterm, I can go anytime!
I'm 25 years old, i've been married for four years, and this is our first.. and were still not ready! and she's due next month, but sense I'm in preterm, I can go anytime!
Good lord. Why does her marital status matter? She's still going to be in her late teens, with the exact same experiences, whether she's married or not. How is that piece of paper going to impact her life in any appreciable way?
I think that these women have very valid points, and I especially agree with AnnieBrooke. My husband and I are caring for the most incredible baby right now, and her formula and diapers alone are literally HUNDREDS of dollars each month. Babies are not cheap.
Also, I agree that you are probably not accurately factoring in all of the costs of living together. To have a responsible, adult life, you need to consider the costs of:
(1) rent;
(2) gas/electric;
(3) groceries;
(4) phone;
(5) cable;
(6) renters/homeowners insurance;
(7) a baby-friendly vehicle with car payments and gas/bus fare;
(8) furniture;
(9) kitchen appliances, utensiils, silverware, dishes, etc.
(10) cleaning products;
(11) entertainment products - tv, dvd, vcr, stereo, etc;
(12) BABY PRODUCTS (literally thousands of dollars here alone) - crib, changing table, dressers, bassinet/cradle, clothes (all seasons, and they grow quickly, so be prepared to never stop buying clothes), formula, diapers, bottles, pacifiers, blankets, health products, bath products; etc.
THE LIST GOES ON. Seriously, this looks like a lot, but this is just scratching the surface ... the bare necessities practically. You are going to want to go out to eat, go to movies (or your entertainment choice), etc.
This is a HUGE decision that should not be entered into lightly. Your desire to have a baby should not outweigh the baby's right to a happy, healthy, stable life. Although not all marriages last, marriage is a HUGE commitment, which encourages a longer-lasting relationship than dating.
I don't want to come off rude; I simply think it is important for you to understand that marriage and relationships aren't straight out of a Disney movie. Life is very difficult sometimes. A couple's financial burdens lead to stress on the relationship, and it isn't fair to subject a baby to the fighting, etc. that comes along with that.
I know that you are happy and in love right now, but most people do not marry their first love. I was so in love with the man I dated for a couple of years in college and could not imagine my life without him. The demise of our relationship was devastating to me, but I moved on. I met my husband, we started dating, and we got married. As I look back on what my life would have been with the other guy versus my life with my husband, I am amazed that I even considered marrying the other guy. My husband is the most incredible man in this world (women, I fully accept your challenges here ... I hope most of you think the same thing about your men), but we each needed to have other relationships to mold us and shape us into two compatible individuals.
Family planning at this point seems pre-mature. I highly encourage you guys both continue your education and continue your relationship during it. If it is meant to last, it will stand the test of time. Although you are happily looking forward to your future with this guy, a lot can change in a little time, and it is unfair to force a child to deal with change like this. Circumstances beyond our control happen, there is no question about it. However, you can control (to an extent) whether you bring a child into this world. Every child has the right to a stable, healthy, nurturing environment. Stability comes with strong relationships, and although there are many strong relationships between unmarried people, you two are very young and should consider learning more about yourselves to help you be even more compatible, which will ultimately help you be better parents. However, the decision is between the two of you ... none of us can tell you what to do. We can merely give our advice from our life experiences and leave it at your feet to do with what you please. Best wishes. Keep us updated!
Also, I agree that you are probably not accurately factoring in all of the costs of living together. To have a responsible, adult life, you need to consider the costs of:
(1) rent;
(2) gas/electric;
(3) groceries;
(4) phone;
(5) cable;
(6) renters/homeowners insurance;
(7) a baby-friendly vehicle with car payments and gas/bus fare;
(8) furniture;
(9) kitchen appliances, utensiils, silverware, dishes, etc.
(10) cleaning products;
(11) entertainment products - tv, dvd, vcr, stereo, etc;
(12) BABY PRODUCTS (literally thousands of dollars here alone) - crib, changing table, dressers, bassinet/cradle, clothes (all seasons, and they grow quickly, so be prepared to never stop buying clothes), formula, diapers, bottles, pacifiers, blankets, health products, bath products; etc.
THE LIST GOES ON. Seriously, this looks like a lot, but this is just scratching the surface ... the bare necessities practically. You are going to want to go out to eat, go to movies (or your entertainment choice), etc.
This is a HUGE decision that should not be entered into lightly. Your desire to have a baby should not outweigh the baby's right to a happy, healthy, stable life. Although not all marriages last, marriage is a HUGE commitment, which encourages a longer-lasting relationship than dating.
I don't want to come off rude; I simply think it is important for you to understand that marriage and relationships aren't straight out of a Disney movie. Life is very difficult sometimes. A couple's financial burdens lead to stress on the relationship, and it isn't fair to subject a baby to the fighting, etc. that comes along with that.
I know that you are happy and in love right now, but most people do not marry their first love. I was so in love with the man I dated for a couple of years in college and could not imagine my life without him. The demise of our relationship was devastating to me, but I moved on. I met my husband, we started dating, and we got married. As I look back on what my life would have been with the other guy versus my life with my husband, I am amazed that I even considered marrying the other guy. My husband is the most incredible man in this world (women, I fully accept your challenges here ... I hope most of you think the same thing about your men), but we each needed to have other relationships to mold us and shape us into two compatible individuals.
Family planning at this point seems pre-mature. I highly encourage you guys both continue your education and continue your relationship during it. If it is meant to last, it will stand the test of time. Although you are happily looking forward to your future with this guy, a lot can change in a little time, and it is unfair to force a child to deal with change like this. Circumstances beyond our control happen, there is no question about it. However, you can control (to an extent) whether you bring a child into this world. Every child has the right to a stable, healthy, nurturing environment. Stability comes with strong relationships, and although there are many strong relationships between unmarried people, you two are very young and should consider learning more about yourselves to help you be even more compatible, which will ultimately help you be better parents. However, the decision is between the two of you ... none of us can tell you what to do. We can merely give our advice from our life experiences and leave it at your feet to do with what you please. Best wishes. Keep us updated!
In my personal opinion, I would wait until after marriage. I always stress to people that you are very young and even though you love him, things happen and you might decide you don't want to be tied to him for the rest of your life. Plus, at 18 (19, 20) your life is just beginning. You might decide you want to go to college and having a baby will make that difficult. There are some things that you need to experience at that age and not necessarily being a mother. I say if you are going to wait until you're 30 to get married, wait until then to have kids too. You'll probably be glad you waited.
Oh I know what u mean, I was telling DH the other night isn't it weird that once u love someone then u get married & then get a fam started & to think we used to be total strangers :) We started going together when I was 14yrs, it seems so crazy now that we've been together for almost 10.5yrs :) LOL & family is great even on the crazy days :)
I was a young mom, pregnant at 19, and my hubby, bf at the time was 19 too, I love my life, but it is still a struggle, he has a great job and I just went back to college. It is very important to have a stable relationship, stable income, and a good place to live, I am not saying its impossible but I encourage you to wait, at least until you have taken everything into consideration
I still say I'd never live w/a man & not be married, if the big wedding is the only issue u can save tons here & there & have a beautiful wedding very soon, besides of course a wedding day is such a wonderful day but it's gone in just a few hrs & so is the money :) But if u r determined to go ahead & live together & have kids I don't think the #'s have much to do with it, some ladies wanna wait til they r in their 30-40's to have kids & others love being a mom at 18yrs so theres really no wrong answer as far as age goes. I got married at 19yrs & I'm 25yrs w/ baby #2 on the way & I haven't regretted any of my huge life decisions as far as my age goes :) Both of u just have to have your priorities straight :) A man that will work & go to church r two very good qualities, but often hard to find :)LOL Do what u think is best for yall & the babies yall will be raising together!! It's so fulfilling being a wife & mother but it's also a full plate every single day, for me it's great but I knew thats what I wanted in life so good luck with your decisions & have fun together in the meantime :) & don't let someone sway u in a direction u don't wanna go!!!!!
I want to get married around when I am 30 so I can have that dream wedding and afford it fill me and he is in his last year for plumbing.
I would just wonder why u wouldn't want to get married & then start a family? But as far as age I guess only u know how mature u r & how mature he is & if he holds down a good job :)
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