For me, constantly complaining and focusing on my addiction on these message boards makes it SO MUCH HARDER. Also, when people write about how hard it still is when they are days and weeks ahead of me, it is really discouraging. That is why I can't get into meetings either. Drug addiction has defined me for most of my life. I don't want to give it anymore of my attention. However, I do need to figure out a support system that works for me so I can stop relasping...
A few months ago I started to get back into yoga, and then I did a 28 day meditation series which I've been continuing to do most days. In the same amount of time I've thrown myself into therapy with my new counselor at my old college where I can see her on a sliding scale fee. I have sought out resources online, read books and magazines, put forth tremendous effort to weed out the negative situations and negative people in my life, and to surround myself with what makes me happy. Today is 2.5 years for me since I last drank and it has been infinitely harder than I could have expected. But it is so worth it. I am finally with someone who has been sober almost as long as me and we have very similar backgrounds with the same addiction, alcoholism. He did the AA thing because he was court ordered, and it actually worked out for him. But he's a different kind of person, he really wanted to turn his life around and not be like his family. I still work on my identity to some extent, but I like to think there are other things that define me now. Alcohol is part of me thought, always has been, always will be, especially considering my dad still drinks.