I have a nine year old and a ten year old. My kids were driving me insane, same thing you are talking about. When I got to the point where I cried all the time, because I thought I had failed as a mother, I realized something - I AM THE MOTHER AND THEY ARE THE CHILDREN!!! I put food on the table, I wash their clothes , I clean up after them, I do everything!! I had had enuff! I deserved the one thing I wasn't getting RESPECT ! My way of changing my kids some people may look at it as "wrong", but it worked. I looked at it as nobody knew my kids the way I did. So, a doctor couldn't tell me what I should do because it worked on "some" kids. I turned hard - I let them know I was upset with them and I wan't going to put up with it anymore. When they sassed, I told then whem dirty things came out of their mouths, we had to wash the bad out. I put a bar of soap in their mouth. Some people use pepper. When they didn't want ot go to school I had to just over power them, I didn't say a word. I was the bigger person. When you argue back that's what they want. I just picked them up and put their clothes on. I don't know your religous beleifs, but I told them about heaven and hell and if they wanted to go to heaven they had to go by the ten commandments. Honer thy mother and father. They weren't doing that. Yes, it scared them. I also drove them by the local orphanage. I showed them how lucky they were to have a mom. when they started I told them that they acted like they didn't want a mom and if they wanted to go live at the orphanage. You better do something drastic now, he won't be seven for ever. what will you do when he's older? I took all extra things away(like a playstation 2) when i gotthe respest I deserved they got one thing back. I said why would I buy you stuff to reward your bad attitude? Best of luck! Let us know how it goes.
I need help my eight year old daughter has attitude with me as well with teachers and other family members saying hurtfull words and being mean to her five year old brother.She always hits,pinches,or yells at him i have tried everything spanking,taking outdoor time and any favorite thing she likes but it doesnt phase her. I have even just talked to her nicely what do you recomend?
A related discussion,
relieved and sad was started.
maybe he is discouraged in school, dislexic is what i think.
All these are very insightful comments, but please go back and look at the forum moderators professional recommendations. Please seek help dealing with your son. His behavior is will only deteriorate as he gets older if you don't, and possibly involve more dangerous activities.
Yeah, I believe we did. ;) Here
I have a 3 Yr. girl and 7 yr. boy ... I am also a home daycare provider. Please do not take this on the offense but I do agree that he behaves this way because you allow it. My kids would walk all over me if I let them but they know I mean business when I give an ultimatum after warning twice. Honestly, one big mistake that I have learned that parents make is follow through. I do not threaten anything that I am not prepared to do. For example, the ole' "if you can't behave then we are going to leave" is not going to be effective if you never leave anywhere when your child wants to have fun etc. etc. My kids know that if I say your going to your room, you are going to your room even if I have to drag you ... and it seems in your case again and again until he gets it. Also, another hting that popeed out at me is the fact that you ordered him a Playstation 2, which it sounds like he clearly does not deserve. He's getting a mixed message that he can behave like that and still get rewarded. Maybe start with that. Make it a "goal" for him. Start small, after 3, 5, 7, 10 (whatever) days of good behavior he can play it ... but as soon as you see him acting direspectful it goes?? Take everything he has and make him earn stuff back, you'll be surprised how fast that'll work.
Anyway, easy for me to say, I know. But truly the big thing here is consistency. Once you start a discipline routine you can "tweak it" as needed, but do not look back. You are not mean and in the end your child will be a better person and believe it or not still love you!! Also, do not beat yourself up. Mothering is a very hard job and we all do the best we know how. I also agree getting some help for him and maybe some classes on discipline for you could be a big help here. The fact that you are admitting there is a problem is a great first step and proves that you love your son and want you both to be happy. No child is untrainable, especially at 7 ... stay diligent and it will pay off. Take Care.
I failed to mention , when he was 4 I took him to a psychologist for testing ,and she said he scored average on the tests because he simply refused to do certain things ....
By the way, I just read your post ... and I think we took the same Mommy classes!!! You Go Girl!!
well I worked together with his teacher ,the principal, and their counselors.They made a plan for him that if he finished his work etc,that he got rewarded.They have eye exams every year at the school.You mentioned dyslexia...I have thought about that because ,sometimes he writes his numbers backwards..like if he needs to write 30..he will write 03..but thats only happened a few times .He reads well...but not as well as he should because he refuses to do it .When he first started to read ,he had alot of interest because he was so proud of himself ,but now he just has no interest .
He does tell me all the time " Mom I will forget all the answers to my test ,I wont remember anything ..He has alot of anxiety about tests , but he only has them once a week ,not everyday .On the way home from school today ,He said to me , I want my Playstation,and I said not until you can act better ,his resopnse was "I will be good if you give it to me , but not until you do .
If he hates school, there is a reason. What did the teachers last year say? I think you need to get help figuring out why he hates school. You say he's smart....is he reading yet? Does he like anything about school? Something has turned him off. If you be honest with yourself and find a therapist that works with kids with school problems or understands homeschooling or you yourself re-examine what happened since Kindergarten. He may have Dyslexia or learning problems and feels like an idiot in school because he feels stupid. How many teachers did you talk to last year? Do not use the school for testing; take him elsewhere. Look in your area for a therapist that specializes in Learning Disorder. Have you had his eyes checked? Can he see everything? I guess we need to know what you have and haven't done....Sara
You certainly have your hands full, and you need some guidance in managing your son's behavior. While it must be difficult at times for you to see that he behaves better with others, it is a positive sign that he does so. That is, it indicates that the problem is in the parent/child interaction, and you can get some help for that. Arrange an appointment with a child behavioral health clinician. That person can evaluate the situation and develop a plan for intervention. You should not tryto remedy this by yourself - you need some ongoing professional help. Also, and you likely know this already, you must not surrender to the temptation to give in to your son when he opposes you. Such a response will only encourage his coercive behavior.
i have an 8 year old boy. last year he was in 2nd grade and it was the hardest year. its a rough time for boys i think, but it does sound like you need to put your foot down more. i know its hard and it takes lots of patience but when we reward them (like not taking away things we say we will) then they learn that they can conrtol the situation. i explained to my son when he got mad at me that i love him but i have to teach him to be responsible and that means doing schoolwork and listening to me when i tell him something. is his father around? what does dad do when he acts like this? maybe he should sit down with him and let him know its not acceptable behavior to talk to you this way. hang in there its hard at times. very hard. but i tell you the difference in this year as compared to last year is amazing. and its true that they crave guidance and boundaries. the more we have and he knows what is expected he tries more and more to be cooperative. also try not to reward with playstations or gifts of money. its better to reward them with your time. going to the park or playing a game or you reading a book of his choice. i used to use the gifts too but then he felt he needed something everytime he did what was expected of him.
In all these replys, I see nothing about addressing why he doesn't like school. Obviously his problem is there...what is going on at school? Was he like this last year in school? Sara
I have asked him what happens at school , why doesnt he like it etc....All I get is " I dont like to do work , and I am not going to do it .I dont have to do it bc its stupid , and I am NOT going to school if you say I have to do work ,I will break my pencil, etc.He has always been like this ,homework,and studying is such a headache,He didnt bring any of his study materials ,spelling words etc home this week until yesterday,and he had a test on them today ,this being only the second week of school , I had no idea to be looking for spelling words ,there was no note or anything.
Last year I had to go to special meetings with teachers bc he wouldnt try , and they say he has an " I dont care attitude"
Raising kids is not always easy (I, too, have a seven year old boy) and I understand some of the frustration you must be feeling. I think the reason your son behaves this way is because you allow him to behave this way without any consequences. Children need rules/guidelines and they need parents to enforce them. Now, every child is different and I can only speak from my own personal experiences, but my boys are much happier when I don