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Grief after a Hysterectomy
I had a hysterectomy early May. I had one for chronic pain & endometriosis. I'm 29 years old. I'm really sad & feel really empty inside. I never expected to feel such a loss. Loss of womanhood. Loss of fertility. Loss of self. Pieces of me feel like they're missing. Family and friends ask me what I need & I don't know what to tell them. The emotional pain is too heavy & weighing me down. I'm having a hard time getting through a single day. I'm in therapy & see a psychiatrist. I don't know how to cope or get through this. I don't know how to snap out of it. What are things that I can do to get through this grief & loss? How do I get through this hard part?
I'm so sorry you're going through all of this.
I had a hysterectomy at 35 about 20 years ago because of endometriosis. I also never had children.
I think it's really important to know that what you're feeling is valid, and you aren't going to "snap out of it". You have a right to feel sad, and to grieve the things you lost, the changes in your body, and the impact endo has had on your life.
I will say that the internal organs we have don't make us women. You could cut your hair off, remove your breasts, all that stuff, and you'd still be a woman. Your gender is so much more than that. You might not feel that way at this moment, but you'll get there.
Even now, 20 years later, I still have moments where I wish things had been different, and I feel like my hysterectomy was the very best decision for me. I had no quality of life before it, and if by some miracle I'd been able to get pregnant and carry a baby to term, I'd have been a mom in chronic, debilitating pain.
Life isn't perfect now, of course, because perfect doesn't exist, but I got a quality of life that I hadn't had ever before.
Give yourself time to grieve. It's only been a couple of months, and a good chunk of that time was in recovery. This was a major surgery.
If you need distractions, distract yourself. If you need time to wallow, do that, but limit that time. Start doing things you couldn't do before because of pain (as you are able to when cleared by your doc, of course). Buy sexy underwear just for yourself to remind yourself that you are still a gorgeous woman. Do a gratitude journal and remind yourself of all the good things you have, or all the things you can do now that you couldn't before, or both.
Did you have your ovaries removed? How are your hormones? Some of this might be an estrogen crash, too. Talk to your doctor.
Wishing you only the best, and sending comfort.
I had a hysterectomy at 35 about 20 years ago because of endometriosis. I also never had children.
I think it's really important to know that what you're feeling is valid, and you aren't going to "snap out of it". You have a right to feel sad, and to grieve the things you lost, the changes in your body, and the impact endo has had on your life.
I will say that the internal organs we have don't make us women. You could cut your hair off, remove your breasts, all that stuff, and you'd still be a woman. Your gender is so much more than that. You might not feel that way at this moment, but you'll get there.
Even now, 20 years later, I still have moments where I wish things had been different, and I feel like my hysterectomy was the very best decision for me. I had no quality of life before it, and if by some miracle I'd been able to get pregnant and carry a baby to term, I'd have been a mom in chronic, debilitating pain.
Life isn't perfect now, of course, because perfect doesn't exist, but I got a quality of life that I hadn't had ever before.
Give yourself time to grieve. It's only been a couple of months, and a good chunk of that time was in recovery. This was a major surgery.
If you need distractions, distract yourself. If you need time to wallow, do that, but limit that time. Start doing things you couldn't do before because of pain (as you are able to when cleared by your doc, of course). Buy sexy underwear just for yourself to remind yourself that you are still a gorgeous woman. Do a gratitude journal and remind yourself of all the good things you have, or all the things you can do now that you couldn't before, or both.
Did you have your ovaries removed? How are your hormones? Some of this might be an estrogen crash, too. Talk to your doctor.
Wishing you only the best, and sending comfort.
2 Comments
Thank you for your response to my post. Had my hormone levels & thyroid checked last Friday. Everything was in the normal range. I had my right ovary removed because that side hurt the worst. I used to black out every other month from the period pain. I'm having a hard time just even getting through my day. Seems like every day is a struggle. People ask me what I need or how they can support me & I have no clue what I need right now. I wish I knew what I needed. I wish I knew what could get me through the day. I'm a social worker - a high-stress job.
How are you doing now? Any improvements?
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