I feel crazy

[Jimmyaz]

Im 27.  I have issues.  I believe that anything is in my reach but fail at trying to obtain those things.  I have been in the finance industry since I was 19.  Im a manager at a bank and make good money. The problem is that I cant seem to stay in one spot.  Im never satisfied and overall confused.  I cant even remember what I like to do anymore.  I read a lot of these posts and all of them seem to sound like me.  I actually know that my mental health is suffering and that I have some issues.  I have even seeked out a counselor/therapist to help me out.  However, I can get rid of this feeling.  It only gets worse.  I feel good for 2 days and then crappy for 30 days.  I read a lot of mental health and depression and bi-polar disorder and they all seem to have the same symptoms.  I keep telling myself that its just depression.  Is this accurate?  I dont believe in taking anti-depressants or anything manufactured by a big pharm company.  I feel like there has to be more purpose in this life and I need to find it.  I dont know what to do, where to go, how to act, what to tell people.  I feel like most of the time that Im lying to myself about my capabilities.  I used to be so confident and thats what drove me.  People lately have been telling me that I am unrealistic.  Is this true?  Im confused.

[Wanda Ropa, MPEC]

Every individual has the potential to live at the highest-level possible and to enjoy life.  However, it is difficult to change the recurring patterns that you are describing.  Even if you are not happy, even if you are restless, you are actually in your comfort zone.  So, another way to look at it is that you are comfortable in your misery.  Once you become aware that it is very natural to stay stuck and keep repeating these patterns, you are half way there.  There's a part of your brain that really acts as your security system and wants you to stay in your comfort zone.  The reason is that in your comfort zone, you are safe.  To make significant changes, you will need to take little steps, very slowly.  So, I recommend taking my "Prescription for Happiness" (TM) - "do one thing this week that you really, really want to do.  This would be something you choose, not something you feel you need to do, or have to do."  In other words, the holiday season is the perfect time to take a vacation from your issues.  For the next 6 weeks, while continuing to see your counselor/ therapist and continuing your work and family responsibilities, take my prescription for happiness.  Each week, pick at least one activity, or one experience that you really, really want to do!  When the 6 weeks are over, take a look and see if anything is different.  Review how you responded when you focused and did things that you actually wanted to do.   Reflect on that experience and reflect on what you have that you can appreciate.  In the meantime, work with your counselor/therapist.

Happy holidays,

Your forum coach Wanda

[Jimmyaz]

Wow.  That didnt help at all.  You are telling me that my panic, anxiety and wanting to die is my comfort zone?  Im not coming back to this forum.

[Wanda Ropa, MPEC]

Based on your new information that you just posted, this forum and coaching is not the place for you to seek your answers.  I would urge you to immediately seek professional face-to-face help from a therapist.

Your forum coach Wanda  

[lansa]

Start exercising.   See how you feel next month

[MARIEALICE35]

GOOD GREIF YOUR COACH DIDNT HELP MUCH HUNH?  I TOOK A PSYCHOLOGY CLASS ONCE, SWEAR TO TO GOD IN HEAVEN I THOUGHT I HAD EVERYTHING IN THE BOOK. CAUSE MOST SYMPTOMS OF DISORDERS ARE GENERALY THE SAME. I SERIOUSLY THOUGHT I HAD 20 DIFFERENT DISORDERS.  BUT I FIGURED OUT  HOW TO KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE IF ANYTHING. FIRST YOU ARE 'NOT' BEING UNREALISTIC! KNOW THAT! YOU KNOW YOURSELF BETTER THAN ANYONE.  STOP READING THOSE BOOKS CAUSE IT MAKES YOU WAY MORE CONFUSED, TRUST ME ON THAT. BEEN THERE. YOU MAY HAVE THE WRONG THERAPIST, IT'S HARD TO FIND ONE WHO GETS WHAT YOU SAY AND FEEL. AND ISN'T IN IT FOR THE MONEY. TRY A YOUNG THERAPIST, THEY START OUT JUST TO HELP PEOPLE, AS THEY GET OLDER, IT'S ALL ABOUT THE MONEY. YOUR YOUNG SO GET A JUMP START ON IT NOW.  YOU HAVE A REAL PROBLEM, IT'S NOT JUST IN YOUR HEAD.  AND 'IT WONT' JUST PASS. IF YOU HAVE DEPRESSION IN YOUR FAMILY LINE, IT IS VERY HEREDITARY.  BUT I AM NOT SAYING THAT'S WHAT YOU HAVE. BUT IT'S POSSIBLE. THE VERY BEST ADVICE I CAN GIVE YOU, COMING FROM SOMEONE WHO HAS BEEN EXACTLY WHERE YOU ARE, PULL STRENGTH OUT OF EVERY BIT OF YOURSELF AND MAKE A 'HUGE' CHANGE IN YOUR LIFE STYLE. I MEAN A REAL BIG ONE. IT GIVES YOU HOPE, LIKE A NEW START. SCREW THE JOB, YOUR SMART, YOU CAN GET ANOTHER ONE. MAYBE TRY COLLEGE. OR MOVE SOMEWHERE ELSE THAT YOU MIGHT FEEL NEW OR LIKE A NEW CHALLENGE. ONE THING THAT IS AWSOME IS GROUP THERAPY, I MEAN AWSOME!  IF YOU DON'T MIND ME ASKING WHAT ANTI-DEPRESSANT ARE YOU ON, CAUSE THAT MAKES A BIG DIFFERENCE TO. I HAVE BEEN WHERE YOU ARE AND I WASTED 10 YEARS STRUGGLING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THE HECK WAS MY PROBLEM.  SO IF YOU CAN TRY TO LEARN FROM SOMEONE ELSES MISTAKES.

SOMETIMES YOU JUST HAVE TO DO IT BEFORE YOU THINK ABOUT IT. AND AT FIRST IT SCARES THE HECK OUT OF YOU, BUT THEN YOU FIND OUT WHO YOU ARE AND WHATS GOING ON.

GOOD LUCK  ALICE

[Oreilly]

Hope you are OK and have not done anything that might cause harm to yourself or others.  
    I can suggest a good book that may help you, written by Eckhart Tolle, entitled " A NEW EARTH". Read this book, and you wont need to read much of anything else.  GOOD LUCK.

[Honestlyalone]

How come it is so easy for us people (general) to admit the negatives about ourselves but rarely say out loud what is good about us? Well because society has taught us that it's bragging. Anyone who believes this is bragging is ill informed by some insane notion said and spread long ago.Please tell us what in fact is good or even great about you. It is  possible you may suffer anxiety like the rest of the world in a high stress job.I mean are you chanting rituals in the middle of the night while walking on the street at three 3am? I mean how can you be happy with negative if your not determined to take all your human errs and make yourself a stronger person. I wish I was a manager at a bank at 27.Some people have nothing including and most importantly a mind.I even wonder if in your role of superwoman you are afraid to open up to those closest to you for fear of being discovered human?? Everybody needs somebody to talk to.

[Jimmyaz]

Ok so this is JimmyAZ,

I havent done anything to hurt anyone or myself.  Im having ups and downs like normal.  Its a combination of the job, life and other things.  This seems to be a reoccuring theme for me.  I believe that depression runs in my family and I have accepted some things about myself.  I just got my gym membership back but havent used it because work is taking a toll on me.  I know I know....27 years old and a bank manager for 2 years.  Some think its impressive but I dont.  I have never been satisfied with anything.  That goes for relationships, jobs, home, car etc... some things I care about, some I dont.  Im not materialistic and dont need much.  Its a combination of all.  I still felt the same when I didnt have anything.  I stopped taking anti-depressant because I feel that it just suppresses feeling as opposed to letting nature take its course.  I go through periods of having really good feelings and then bad.  I almost feel bi-polar BUT think thats not the case because every couple months my happy feelings last a day longer.  I recognize that I have an issue and Im trying to deal with that.  I have also really gotten in touch with my body lately and understand that what I put in it has a direct effect on my mood.  I no longer eat fast food and try to cook at home everyday.  I also try to immediately stop thinking about stressful things and try to let them pass.  I have a long way to go but am just slightly better than my first post.  

Im an uneducated bank manager (no degree) .  That boggles my mind.  I also am very hard on myself.  Im my biggest critic and cant accept mediocrity. It feels like a curse, I swear.  I have thought about moving to another state... after all I ended up in AZ for the same reason and it helped a lot.  I just cant get up and go though.  I have responsibilities and the biggest one is a house that I cant sell because of a declining market.  

I havent been this down in a long time but I know I will get better.  I believe that.  I just want it to happen sooner than later.  Its been a battle my whole life and need to find what makes me happy again. The wind has been sucked out of the sails and nothing can seem to bring it back.  Everyday is a battle but I know that if I can get through this battle that I can get through anything.

Oh and I didnt mention this but I did "self medicate"  I started smoking pot a while back but have stopped for months now.  LOL.  I never was a drug user but I know it wasnt good for me so I stopped.  I am wondering if drugs can change the chemical balance in your brain? Has anyone heard of this?  I know Im all over the place today but I always want to get everything out that I cant think of. I think faster than I can talk or type.